Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Tears of a Clown

In Sparkle-News, I made up a drinking game. Now, this is the kind of game that will get you seriously hammered, if not dead from alcohol poisoning. Smeyers: She really, really needs a Thesaurus, stat.

Every time you read the words:

  • UGH

you take a drink. Call the hospital and set up a donor liver before starting, because GOOD LORD, Perfect will raise your blood alcohol to death levels.

You'll notice that I've included the leaked book, Midnight Sun, and keep in mind it's only a handful of chapters, so the count tally for the possibly finished version will be way, WAY higher. And talk about laziness... It's Twilight, all the same dialogue, but from a different POV. And oh! I forgot all the stalker moments! i started counting every time Edward was really creepy/stalkerish (he even refers to himself as a stalker. UM, WHAT.)

Total count for the 12 chapters? 15. And that's a conservative number, because I counted all the stuff that happened IN ONE NIGHT as one. Dude, he reminds himself to buy OIL so he can make it so her bedroom window won't squeak. You know, because he doesn't want to WAKE HER UP while he's watching her. THAT IS FREAKY, SMEYERS.

Someone needs to record how many times Bella's heart stops beating/she stops breathing due to the nearness and perfectness of Edward. That's a double digit, for sure.

Okay, back to photoshopping "Jacob's" head on Professor Lupin. Hahahaha.


( 62 comments — Leave a comment )
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
Aug. 28th, 2008 02:34 pm (UTC)
She actually uses the words "rainbow sparkles" together in a sentence?
Aug. 28th, 2008 02:54 pm (UTC)
YES. Literally "rainbow sparkles." It's like the universe knew I needed a laugh.
... - menomegirl - Aug. 28th, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - marenfic - Aug. 28th, 2008 04:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Aug. 28th, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - maybe1ce - Aug. 28th, 2008 05:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - seraphcelene - Aug. 28th, 2008 06:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - siapom - Aug. 28th, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - hope_sparkles - Jun. 5th, 2009 07:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
Teh sparkles - (Anonymous) - Aug. 10th, 2009 10:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:18 pm (UTC)
Just to make sure that I fulfill my spamming quota today...

I adore this quote - the movie might actually almost be worth watching:

“When you read the book,” says Pattinson, ... “it’s like, ‘Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.’ I mean, every line is liked that. He’s the most ridiculous person who’s so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn’t do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that’s how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he’s a 108 year-old virgin so he’s obviously got some issues there.”
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:25 pm (UTC)
Isn't that hilarious? I love the contempt he has for the character he'll be in bed with for the next year or two. Bwah!
... - candiesandlaces - Sep. 5th, 2008 08:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - yresim - Jul. 17th, 2010 10:06 am (UTC) - Expand
... - hope_sparkles - Jun. 5th, 2009 07:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - quixotic_otaku - Jun. 20th, 2009 12:23 am (UTC) - Expand
... - kallisanryene - Jul. 15th, 2009 12:50 am (UTC) - Expand
Attempted. - (Anonymous) - Aug. 10th, 2009 10:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:23 pm (UTC)
BWAHAHAHA! *cannot stop laughing at "rainbow sparkles*

Honestly, those are words that belong together only in "My Little Pony" fanfic (I'm sure such a thing exists). Or meant in an incredibly ironic way.
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:26 pm (UTC)
RAINBOW SPARKLES!! Can you believe it?!

(And I'm honestly surprised at how few times "chagrin" popped up. I really thought it would be more. It FELT like more.)
... - heatherbird - Sep. 6th, 2008 11:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - the_ether - Nov. 23rd, 2008 11:33 am (UTC) - Expand
... - lurker_lost - Nov. 26th, 2008 06:55 am (UTC) - Expand
... - paradoxymoron - Nov. 27th, 2008 09:20 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:59 pm (UTC)
Wait. What's Midnight Sun? There's going to be a book from Edward's POV? That's . . . alarming.
Aug. 28th, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC)
That's the one from his POV!!! IT'S FUCKING CREEPY.
Aug. 28th, 2008 04:11 pm (UTC)
I think what I love about the chart is how you can see that in Breaking Dawn the numbers for perfect/ly and beauty/ful went up while others went down. Clearly she got lazy because I'm sure she could have had more dazzling in place of beautiful. I mean, come on. Dazzle us with your terrible prose, Ms. Meyers.
Aug. 28th, 2008 04:59 pm (UTC)
I actually surprised "obsess/ive" didn't go down in the 2nd book, given that Edward is gone for 70% of it.

... - moosesal - Aug. 28th, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Aug. 28th, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 28th, 2008 05:00 pm (UTC)
Rainbow sparkles, I swear to the god of your choice.

It's irritating beyond belief, isn't it? The money she's made over this!!
Aug. 28th, 2008 06:23 pm (UTC)
I am slowly backing away from this fic more and more the more I read about it... And I will drag my best friend with me... :-P
Aug. 29th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)
A wise decision!
Aug. 28th, 2008 06:27 pm (UTC)
Dude, I submit that dazzle/d, grimace/d, and smirk/ed should be included. I really, really, really wish that you'd come up with this game before I read this. If I had waited one day, just one little ole day!! I could have passed out in alcoholic bliss 1/4 of the way through the book and been spared the horror.

Oh, the horror! It haz rainbow sparkles.
Aug. 28th, 2008 06:46 pm (UTC)
Dazzle is there, but I didn't think of grimace! Clearly there will have to be special additions of this game. :D
... - spamwarrior - Sep. 26th, 2009 03:21 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 28th, 2008 08:40 pm (UTC)
What age are these books aimed at? 5 year olds? I have a friend who says her five year old niece's favorite colors are pink, purple, and sparkle. But a grown woman writing about rainbow sparkles to a crowd older than that Oh My Dear and Fluffy Lord!

I think I shall stay far away from these books and movies. At least I can take comfort in the fact that Hollywood bought such stupidity they may actually consider my writing as it is ten times better.=)
Aug. 29th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)
Isn't that shameful???
Aug. 29th, 2008 11:28 pm (UTC)
Don't forget "murmur"!
Aug. 30th, 2008 02:26 am (UTC)
I guess that one didn't hit me like "ugh" and the rest. I wanted to smack a person everytime I read ugh or a variant of perfect.
Rainbow Sparkles - wicked_charie - Sep. 28th, 2008 02:51 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Rainbow Sparkles - ciararavenblaze - Jun. 5th, 2010 03:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 7th, 2009 09:55 am (UTC)
I don't even remember where I was linked from, but I found your rundown of the LDS subtext in Twilight really interesting. I'm reading your above-linked fic at the moment, and I guess I will comment here as I don't have an IJ account.

I have to say - I know very little about Mormonism in general and their missionaries in particular, but having been raised by ultra-fundamentalist Christians, there's an awful lot that sounds very familiar. :/ And I'm loving the story - I have two chapters to go, but I need sleep so I will come back later. (I got distracted for a long time with some of the meta links... )
Feb. 7th, 2009 03:14 pm (UTC)
fundamentalists of all stripes tend to be cousins in their behaviors and strictness, right?

I'm so happy to know someone else is reading that fic, how cool! (I think anonymous comments are turned on at my IJ, so you can comment there if it's easier than hunting me back down on LJ. I'm interested in your thoughts!
... - flamesword - Feb. 8th, 2009 01:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 14th, 2009 07:36 am (UTC)
Okay, you only have a few chapters of the leaked book and "chagrin" shows up 8 times already. I read older novels that use it maybe once. And that was when words like "chagrin" were used. Bloody hell, someone smack this woman.
Jun. 5th, 2009 07:22 pm (UTC)
Little help. :-)
'Placate' and 'petulant' are two more for your list. :-)
Jun. 5th, 2009 08:08 pm (UTC)
Re: Little help. :-)
now I'll have to call the printers to make more cards! Shouldn't have laminated so many... ;)
Jun. 20th, 2009 12:31 am (UTC)
I have read/listened to these books and watched the 1st movie countless times. They are so entertaining, and awesomely bad. I think I'll try counting stalker/ing and the amount of times characters roll their eyes or how many times Bella sighs.
Jul. 22nd, 2009 06:28 am (UTC)
Don't forget to add incredulous(ly) to your list!
Jul. 28th, 2009 04:44 am (UTC)
I have pimped your game in ontd_twatlight. Hope you don't mind.
Jul. 28th, 2009 02:08 pm (UTC)
Oh, nope, don't mind. The companion posts to this (the LDS Sparkledammerung) have had over 34,000 hits, so I'm immune to any wank at this point and I cackle with delight over the joint mocking. :)

(And thanks for liking it enough to rec, btw!)
... - christiespace - Jul. 28th, 2009 05:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Jul. 28th, 2009 05:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - christiespace - Jul. 29th, 2009 12:53 am (UTC) - Expand
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
( 62 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
Powered by LiveJournal.com