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Tears of a Clown

In Sparkle-News, I made up a drinking game. Now, this is the kind of game that will get you seriously hammered, if not dead from alcohol poisoning. Smeyers: She really, really needs a Thesaurus, stat.

Every time you read the words:

  • UGH

you take a drink. Call the hospital and set up a donor liver before starting, because GOOD LORD, Perfect will raise your blood alcohol to death levels.

You'll notice that I've included the leaked book, Midnight Sun, and keep in mind it's only a handful of chapters, so the count tally for the possibly finished version will be way, WAY higher. And talk about laziness... It's Twilight, all the same dialogue, but from a different POV. And oh! I forgot all the stalker moments! i started counting every time Edward was really creepy/stalkerish (he even refers to himself as a stalker. UM, WHAT.)

Total count for the 12 chapters? 15. And that's a conservative number, because I counted all the stuff that happened IN ONE NIGHT as one. Dude, he reminds himself to buy OIL so he can make it so her bedroom window won't squeak. You know, because he doesn't want to WAKE HER UP while he's watching her. THAT IS FREAKY, SMEYERS.

Someone needs to record how many times Bella's heart stops beating/she stops breathing due to the nearness and perfectness of Edward. That's a double digit, for sure.

Okay, back to photoshopping "Jacob's" head on Professor Lupin. Hahahaha.


Aug. 28th, 2008 02:54 pm (UTC)
YES. Literally "rainbow sparkles." It's like the universe knew I needed a laugh.
Aug. 28th, 2008 03:19 pm (UTC)
Well! I am aghast.
Aug. 28th, 2008 04:02 pm (UTC)
Mmm. I love rainbow sparkle frosting.

What? That must be what she's talking about.
Aug. 28th, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC)
You know she wants to cover him in rainbow sprinkles. He's like the base they build flavored ice cream on at Marble Slab Creamery!
Aug. 28th, 2008 05:33 pm (UTC)
<--- Dies in horror.

I honestly thought that the satirists were saying "rainbow sparkles" as some kind of hyperbole or something, not that she actually used the phrase.

For the record, the phrase "rainbow sparkles" should only be used by girls under 6 years of age and drag queens. And the drag queens are only allowed to use it during a performance.
Aug. 28th, 2008 06:22 pm (UTC)
Dude, I thought the same and decided to read the first book and was horrified to find that I was Dead Wrong!!! OMG! I am scarred for life from reading that book. It was so bad that I couldn't find the funny. Thank gods for stoney321!
Aug. 28th, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to jump in uninvited, but those were my thoughts exactly. She seriously wrote that? And didn't immediately backspace to erase it? omg.
Jun. 5th, 2009 07:27 pm (UTC)
She's a real hoot.
Aug. 10th, 2009 10:04 pm (UTC)
Teh sparkles
Y'know, I read all 4 books and never even once noticed the fact that she used those two words together. Apparently my brain decided it was impossible for a published author to use such mangled prose and screened it out.


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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