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LDS SPARKLEDAMMERUNG 2: The Sparkle Has Left Your Eyes! Now with 70% less sparkle! (Yuh huh! Yuh huh!)



Again, allow me to set the tone right off the bat:



When we last left our heroick, she was falling and stumbling and obsessing over a boy.... That's exactly where we find her again.Collapse )

Comments

( 257 comments — Leave a comment )
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quackisss
Aug. 30th, 2008 03:01 pm (UTC)
So entertaining, much more so than the books! Can't wait for more. =]
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:26 am (UTC)
1) your ICON. Ahahaha.
2) re: your comment. MY WORK HERE IS DONE.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:27 am (UTC)
There will be! Not until after Labor Day, but I plan on doing Book 3 an 4, for sure.
samsom
Aug. 30th, 2008 04:07 pm (UTC)
THERE'S A HOLE IN HER CHEST!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

You funny lady. *wipes away non-emo tear*

Edited at 2008-08-30 04:07 pm (UTC)
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:10 am (UTC)
WHEEE! I'm glad you picked up on that. I laughed my butt off at the Porsche pic. *cough*
morriganscrow
Aug. 30th, 2008 06:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the toothsome (no pun intended) pic of Wes Studi - it made up for all the Twinkly-winkly Twilight crap.
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:29 am (UTC)
oh my GOD the sparkling. MY EYES. MY EYYYYYES!!

I used to have such a thing for Wed Studi and Eric... whats his face - they guy that is playing Jacob in my little goofy post. REAL MEN DON'T SPARKLE. :D
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:29 am (UTC)
It's crazy, right? It's not just me? It's crazy to all of us?? (hahaha.)
slackerace
Aug. 30th, 2008 11:00 pm (UTC)
Link to all 4 books:

Twilight
New Moon
Eclipse
Breaking Dawn

Each .pdf file is 600kb to 1.25mb. Very small.

Disclaimer: I did not code these into PDF files, so there are a few formatting errors (converting errors) in the first 3 books, more in the 4th. But still readable for sure.

I know Stoney is above posting pirated materials, but I am not.
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:31 am (UTC)
Oh, the jacked up-ness of Book 4. Did you notice the person who formatted that put the author's name in the biblio page as Staphenie "cockblock" Meyers? Ahahahahah.

And *cough* thanks for helping out the people. Goodness knows *I* would never do that... ;)
... - slackerace - Aug. 31st, 2008 02:02 am (UTC) - Expand
spacedoutlooney
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:32 am (UTC)
I just wanted to say how much I'm enjoying your MST3K of the books. And to whoever it was that provided the ebooks for download. And thank god that they are very easy to speed read through, because good god are these books craptastic. (I'm the kind of person who has to read or see what every one else is no matter how bad its said to be, just so I can judge for myself.)

Some stuff I sort of got on my own, but I never would have guessed that Edward's description matched Joseph Smith.

And I never knew that Mormons looked at Catholics that way. It's interesting because quite a few of the criticisms leveled against Mormons can also be attributed to strict Catholicism as well.
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:51 am (UTC)
Glad you're enjoying these!

And the LDS mindset is that they are PERFECTING Catholicism, because they lost their way. So they will be stricter, more rigid, and... jesus, I don't even know. Who can understand the minds of the insane? :D
ellid
Aug. 31st, 2008 03:32 am (UTC)
If it is even half this bad, you have earned my eternal thanks. This way I won't have to spend good money on such codswallop.
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:56 pm (UTC)
I really need to be quoting the book to FULLY EXPRESS the head desk quality. Like, Edward leaves for a hunt to eat, and tells Bella something like, "Take care of my heart when I'm gone. I've left it with you."

And that's when the overwhelming need to vomit occurs.
... - ellid - Aug. 31st, 2008 02:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
hypno_ninja
Aug. 31st, 2008 04:20 am (UTC)
Christ on a stick.

I'm glad I'm not a preteen girl and thus outside of the audience that this series apparently appeals to.
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:57 pm (UTC)
What's REALLY sad is how huuuuuuge this is among women old enough to know better. Like, all the teachers at my son's school. And the TwiMoms.

YIKES.
ember_reignited
Aug. 31st, 2008 04:43 am (UTC)
Semi SRS BSNS Question
Do you think that the bizarre Mormon view of Native Americans has had an impact on Meyer's portrayal of the Quileute tribe? Because I'd be interested to hear more about that.
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Semi SRS BSNS Question
Oh, TOTALLY. I addressed that briefly in my sporking of the first book (linked at the top) and I'll have even more of it in the next one.
elisi
Aug. 31st, 2008 09:13 am (UTC)
Late again, but just needed to tell you how much I still love your work! :) Even though a lot of it has me mindboggling yet more. Can I ask: What's with the under-underwear? I mean, what's the reasoning behind it? I showed the picture to my husband, and he was all "WHY?" and I had no answer.

Also 'Are you there Bella? It's me, Edward' made me chuckle *entirely* too much! (And now there is a teenbook that actually tries to be interesting.)

Oh and this - I have no words:

When the mom and dad (his potential in-laws) wanted to have another baby, they would CALL EVERYONE TO A MEETING and discuss if they should "pro-create." You know, bullet points, pros and cons, pie charts. Then, if the kids GAVE THEIR APPROVAL, mom and dad would get a hotel room and make mom pregnant.

Actually - I do have some words: Children are a gift from God, end of story. /proud papist ;)

So now she just needs to flirt with death so they can be together again. What a FANTASTIC MESSAGE to give young ladies. I'm surprised each book didn't come with razor blades and fill in the blank suicide notes. (Laminated, so you can change it for every boy you crush on!)
The book makes me want to cry, but you make me laugh instead!

*looks at the time* Darn it, must run. Could spend forever going over this...
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 02:00 pm (UTC)
The sacred wunderwear, aka garments, are honestly a throwback to Joseph Smith's Freemason beginnings. But no Mormon will believe that. They have the mark of the compass and square on the nipples, but Mormons believe they are sacred marks from God that remind them of their covenant to believe in him and the church leaders, and to keep their body holy. You only get those when you're an adult that goes through the temple service called the Endowment Ceremony, and that's usually done before you go on a mission, or get married in the temple.

And they're nylon, and they suck, and they're ugly, and you can't wear any clothing that would reveal them. BLECH.

(Glad you're being entertained!)
... - ellid - Aug. 31st, 2008 02:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
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... - elisi - Aug. 31st, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 02:02 pm (UTC)
And that is my WHOLE PURPOSE: friends don't let friends read Twilight. It's my duty on this earth to turn as many of you away as I can. I'm noble, you see. hahahahaha.

(Oooh, thanks for telling me! I had no idea where all these new folks were coming from. Hello!)
chrisleeoctaves
Aug. 31st, 2008 01:04 pm (UTC)
I can't possibly add anything to this...except so. much. love.
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 02:02 pm (UTC)
hahahahah. YAY!
were_lemur
Aug. 31st, 2008 03:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I made the mistake of referring to Twilight as "a dumb movie based on a dumb book" and one of my best friends pretty much read me the riot act about how "just because it's a kids' book doesn't make it dumb" and "it's really good."

You have just saved (a smidgen of) my faith in humanity.
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 04:19 pm (UTC)
While obv. saying a book for kids =/= automatically being dumb (Hello Sounder, Rolling Thunder Here My Cry, etc. etc.) isn't a smart thing to say.

However, these books? They are stupid. They AREN'T just geared to YA, that's just how they marketed it so they could claim (when called out for their books being stupid) "Well, they're for kids, they're not Proust."

You were right, in other words. (I can write you a note, if you need verification. Ha ha.)
vixen_notatramp
Aug. 31st, 2008 05:46 pm (UTC)
Conversation between Sarah- that would be me!- and her two best friends. Or, more appropriately: Conversation between a practicing Catholic, a lapsed Jew, and a chick who is kinda-sorta Mormon.

Sarah: ...You know, you kind of have to give it up for Mormons.
Friend One: But they're crazy!
Friend Two: ...Why do we always end up on how crazy Mormons are? I think I'm offended.
Sarah: (ignoring friend two) No, no, I know. But that's why they get props. I mean, we Catholics have had a lot of time to build up our batshit, you know? Seeing as we are the ~*~Original Christians~*. Mormons have had much less time to work on the crazy and yet: nearly as crazy as us! We may have the Holy Trinity and Virgin Birth, but- sorry, Friend Two- y'all think black people will be white in heaven and Native Americans are descended from the lost tribe of Israel. I mean... that is an impressive amount of batshit for such a young religion.
Friend One: Point accepted! Give them a hundred years and they'll be crazier than you Catholics.
Friend Two: ...I hate you guys.

SO WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED IS THAT MORMONS HATE CATHOLICS BECAUSE THEY KNOW WE ARE STILL CRAZIER THAN THEM.
stoney321
Aug. 31st, 2008 05:54 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA. Someone earlier (on my Book One sporking) said they were getting their comment in before the crazies came and started wank with me on Mormonism. and I told them no Mormon would start anything with me because THEY CAN'T DENY ANYTHING I'VE SAID HERE. Hahahahaha.

Man, am I glad to be out of that religion. (All of my family is still practicing - v v devout. Which means they're all crazy. *G*)
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( 257 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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