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LDS SPARKLEDAMMERUNG 2: The Sparkle Has Left Your Eyes! Now with 70% less sparkle! (Yuh huh! Yuh huh!)



Again, allow me to set the tone right off the bat:



When we last left our heroick, she was falling and stumbling and obsessing over a boy.... That's exactly where we find her again.Collapse )

Comments

( 257 comments — Leave a comment )
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chome_chome
Nov. 12th, 2008 08:36 pm (UTC)
Stumbled upon this somehow and
Wow, these books sound much worse than I'd previously imagined. I was considering picking up the first book just so I can have an "informed" hatred but I'm not so sure if I want to put myself through that anymore.
stoney321
Nov. 15th, 2008 04:09 pm (UTC)
Re: Stumbled upon this somehow and
Hi! Oh, I've got to say that I don't think anyone, including myself - and I really love finding utter crap - could have fore seen just how craptastic these books became. It's kind of like a little present... :D

I hope I have spared your brain from having to read them for yourself!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Nov. 15th, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
HUGE Bjork fan! love her. And I didn't think she'd mind being stuck in Alice's stead. :D

I DO think it's propaganda! Unwitting propaganda, but... ;D
(Deleted comment)
... - stoney321 - Nov. 15th, 2008 04:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
silly_izzy_me
Nov. 18th, 2008 04:39 am (UTC)
Lol oh lawd. I love this.

And I love how much of the ~magic vampire~ stuff she steals from True Blood (well, the Sookie Stackhouse series that turned into True Blood.) AWSUM.
stoney321
Nov. 18th, 2008 01:42 pm (UTC)
Oh, I am SO happy it's not just me that noticed that! SMeyers does get credit for making them sexless and sparkly, though. She gets AAAAAALLLLLLLL the credit for that bidness...
kamottle
Nov. 24th, 2008 10:15 am (UTC)
Fuck Smeyers for writing this stupid shit and CORRUPTING THE YOUTH OF TODAY.

It seriously goes blank?

Oh, man. I am RAGING like mad right now.
stoney321
Nov. 24th, 2008 03:25 pm (UTC)
You know what is better than raging?

Being superior to that shit. :)

Hey, if it wasn't for stupid people, how would we be able to know how AWESOME we are?
dianamcqueen
Nov. 25th, 2008 09:19 pm (UTC)
I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE ACTUALLY WROTE A BOOK DEPICTING GETTING OUT OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP AS THE GIRL BEING UNWHOLE.

THAT 10 page load of crap, that's almost mystifying, I cannot believe it!

THIS IS SERIOUSLY MORMON CHRONICLES OF CRAPPY ASS NARNIA.
stoney321
Nov. 25th, 2008 09:45 pm (UTC)
It's all just horrible stuff. From a literary, social, philosophical and emotional standpoint.
chelethechicken
Nov. 26th, 2008 06:14 am (UTC)
Lmao I like being a naughty Mormon! BRING ON THAT THAR HELL, GOD, I'M READY TO BURN.

I also know people around here in Utah who are kind of like that last description. It's totally WTF moments. Times a million. Added to infinity. Thankfully no one I personally know well. Because I would have to torture and kill them in gruesome ways. Like the air headed girls (yes, Mormons--I claim another religion when around them) I know who viciously tell me the Twilight series are the BESTWTFOMGBOOKSONDAHOLEPLANIT.

These books are epic fail. Such epic fail that they are almost a win that is an epic fail. Meaning they are TWICE the epic fail as anything, published or FanFiction, that I have EVER read, which is really saying a lot.

Thanks for making me laugh and pointing out every single thing wrong that is wrong with the book. Well, not every single thing, because that would be a lifetime calling.
stoney321
Nov. 26th, 2008 03:42 pm (UTC)
Well clearly you wouldn't hang with the Bella-ites. They're exactly why I can't move back to Utah, which makes me sad, because I miss the mountains.

But HOLY CRAP, these books fill me with a wicked glee because of the awfulness. It's like Christmas, fireworks, and fudge wrapped up into a sparkly emo package!!
... - chelethechicken - Nov. 26th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
readiness
Nov. 26th, 2008 08:55 pm (UTC)
You are making my day with this. I would never GIVE stephanie meyers my money even for snark value so hooray!
stoney321
Nov. 26th, 2008 09:49 pm (UTC)
I'm glad I made your day! Thanks for reading.
darthyoungling
Dec. 2nd, 2008 02:51 am (UTC)
Lol, I loved Jacob with the stereo. This is amazing, thanks for posting.
stoney321
Dec. 2nd, 2008 01:04 pm (UTC)
haha, you are welcome!
james_padfoot
Dec. 2nd, 2008 05:35 pm (UTC)
Wait a minute.. this isn't a parody? Holy fucking nuts, this is a SUMMARY???? Are you fucking serious? The book pretty much goes like this? (Except for the obvious add ins)... She steals a Porsche?

Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!
Here's to my love! > thats really from the book?

FUCK, WHAT ARE THE KIDS READING?!
stoney321
Dec. 2nd, 2008 10:08 pm (UTC)
The quote is from Romeo and Juliet, it's just so obvious that SMeyers is trying to rewrite Shakespeare (and doing a poor job of it) that I had to use it.
... - james_padfoot - Dec. 3rd, 2008 01:55 am (UTC) - Expand
twasadark
Dec. 7th, 2008 08:54 am (UTC)
I think I'm in love with you.

If I was a boy, would you marry me and we could wear holy underwear together?

Please?
stoney321
Dec. 7th, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC)
Well, if we can find a holy boy together, we could be sister WIVES. Best of both worlds, amirite?

:D
blueeyeassassin
Dec. 10th, 2008 04:13 am (UTC)
*raises hand*
*is Mormon*
*thought the book was crap*

...and we don't all wear the underwear. Just thought you should know XD although now that I'm looking at that statue of Joe...God, Stephanie, go back to being a housewife. Seriously.

Evil Italian Vampires. Jeeze.
stoney321
Dec. 10th, 2008 01:11 pm (UTC)
"we don't all wear the underwear"

Well, not if you're a casual Jack Mormon, no. Stephenie (and all of my family and most of Utah's Mormons) DO wear the underwear if they're worthy.

But yeah - she needs to go back to being a housewife and stop writing anti-woman fiction, imo.
shocolate
Dec. 27th, 2008 06:46 pm (UTC)
I am late to the party but just had to froth about the blank pages...
...just.... just.... character development? suffering? wanna make your shitty character suffer because her boyfriend has left her?

use some actual words, you waste of space!!!

I have never so wanted to punch someone...
stoney321
Dec. 29th, 2008 03:09 pm (UTC)
Honestly, it's SHOCKING, no? So horrible. What an awful message she's trying to convey. Bleh.

We're all in this together, and you're not alone with your disgust, if that helps!
l0versandl0sers
Jan. 4th, 2009 06:42 am (UTC)
LOL. Princess Bride!
I am officially in love with you.
I AM YOUR NEW STALKER! ><
...
Thought you'd like to know
stoney321
Jan. 4th, 2009 03:22 pm (UTC)
*fills out police report* I like to get to know my stalkers, so if you could send me a daily report of your moves, that would be super. ;)
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jan. 8th, 2009 03:13 pm (UTC)
You are most welcome, and I'm glad to know that you're still laughing with me. :)
antonija_14
Jan. 13th, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)
THE BOOK GOES BLANK. Let me repeat myself. THE BOOK. GOES BLANK. Because? Well, if she doesn't have a BOY, then she is NOTHING. I want every girl to read this and remember how important boys are to complete them.

^ Are you completely out of your mind? Of course Bella will be destroyed after her TRUE LOVE I repeat TRUE LOVE left her. And you are making fun of her. You are some sick asshole.
buggrit_1979
Apr. 26th, 2010 06:41 pm (UTC)
ahahahahaha oh you.
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( 257 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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