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LDS SPARKLEDAMMERUNG 2: The Sparkle Has Left Your Eyes! Now with 70% less sparkle! (Yuh huh! Yuh huh!)

Again, allow me to set the tone right off the bat:

When we last left our heroick, she was falling and stumbling and obsessing over a boy.... That's exactly where we find her again.Collapse )


( 257 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jul. 13th, 2009 07:55 pm (UTC)
Why would vampires have a base in Italy? The nation of garlic and Catholosism? Oh, wait, this is Meyers' vampires, nevermind.

Anyway, hilarious summary of the events of Twilight, and I loved the pictures!
Sep. 7th, 2009 06:49 am (UTC)
omg, i was reading this and i was like
"wait, what? i think i missed something..."

omg, this is seriously a book?
Nov. 5th, 2009 12:08 pm (UTC)
LMAO "Dude, can we wrap this up? I've got school tomorrow."
Dec. 3rd, 2009 05:36 pm (UTC)
Oh, my god, you are awesome! Totally wonderful posts you got going. I have read the books, because I adore paranormal books, but....I was so sad. They were funny, not great! I think YOU should do an actual parody and get it printed. You rock! (But the boys in the movies are cute, which helps)
May. 12th, 2010 02:54 pm (UTC)
THE BOOK GOES BLANK. Let me repeat myself. THE BOOK. GOES BLANK. Because? Well, if she doesn't have a BOY, then she is NOTHING. I want every girl to read this and remember how important boys are to complete them. And then get in the kitchen and fix me a pot pie. Holy sheep shit, I thought people were exaggerating, but no: the book is blank for a good 10 pages. Hi, thanks trees for dying for this crap.

Holy fuck. I'm going right to the nearest bookstore to see this for myself.

I wonder how many people tried to have it exchanged because of faulty printing? Har har.
Jun. 17th, 2010 08:37 pm (UTC)
i think all of twilight is ridiculously overrated, but this part is one of the worst bits for me. there is no logic whatsoever: bella puts herself in dangerous situations so she can hear edward's voice... why doesn't she just stay safe at home and imagine his voice, like a normal person would? she's completely daft. i know teenagers do dumb things but bella does it to extremes sometimes.
i also get bothered by the fact she hates blood but wants to be a vampire more than anything else in the world. again it seems illogical, and the only explanation is that she wants to be a vampire because theyre oh so beautiful and sparkly - it's really shallow! it pisses me off so much when people say she is deep, mysterious, enigmatic, etc... she's not, shes an airhead, im sure if she were blonde people wouldn't hesitate to call her a blonde bimbo.
Aug. 2nd, 2010 12:53 pm (UTC)
Okay, first of all, this is awesome.

Second of all, what the hell is that statue (that IS a statue, right?) that the Swiss Guard are standing in front of? The RAWR! statue? I've never seen anything quite like it and now I am fascinated by it and would like to know more.
Nov. 15th, 2010 07:24 pm (UTC)
I dont know how many times I've read this essay. A lot. And your use of Bjork! Happy sounds from me!

Still haven't finished the series... I made it halfway through New Moon before sending it into the handy Recycle Bin icon, then skipped ahead to the Renesmee birthing scene. (Dear God, even the FANS are wondering how the gell you can convert that to a movie!)

Just when you think that the books/movies are getting good, it throws something completely STUPID at you.
Oct. 23rd, 2011 04:06 am (UTC)
there’s also a drinking game bingo card
User clari_clyde referenced to your post from there’s also a drinking game bingo card saying: [...] evidence #2 [...]
Leather Face
Nov. 23rd, 2011 08:27 am (UTC)
Actually, I wouldn't fault her for the vampire photography shpeal, as the "traditional" rules for vampires are made up to begin with. If anything, a vampire's abilities seem to be entirely dependent on what part of the world they're actually from. Plus, who the hell wants to jock the same tired rules for their own series? Change it up, baby, gimme something new, or a new twist on the old.

However, everything else is horrid. I always felt that Bella should have been a Wu-Tang fan and monster truck enthusiast. Be bold, build that character!

Lastly, those crazy Mormons, with their cult behavior...ha!
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( 257 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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