
- "He blessed her with his cock." In nomine patre y sante y bonita pee pee.
- "Sex with Spike was indescibably intense, erotic, and dangerous. " It was also indescribably hot and lust-filled and sweaty. And indescribably smelly and soup-making and indescribably descriptive.
- "His cock was her own personal vibrator and she loved her vibrator." Don't you get a vibrator because you don't have a man? Or your man doesn't know what he is doing? Huh. Still trying to figure out all the vibrator reference when she is talking about Spike.
- "Buffy wondered if there was such a thing as too much sex. {no} She knew she had fucked Spike at least a hundred times. Not satisfied with that number she decided to do the math. They have been fucking for about three months. She visited him four times a week, excluding Friday, Saturday and Sunday, which was reserved for Riley, and they averaged three times a day. By her calculations, they have had sex 624 times, which convinced Buffy she was a nymphomaniac." Whew. I can't begin to tell you how wrong this is. Point 1: pick a fucking verb tense. Point 2: Buffy is a dumb slut. Wait! The author is. Obviously she failed word problems in school. I, however, did not. Lemme 'splain: 3x daily, 4 days a week is 3 x 4 = 12. For three months, averaged to 12 weeks: 12x a week by 12 weeks is 12 x 12 = 144. Granted, she is still needing to buy GatoradeTM by the gross, but 624?? I have no idea how she got to that. Maybe if they were doing it 13x... 13 x 4 x 12 = 624. Okay. 13 times a day is serious nympho-zone. (Right into... the nympho-zone! You'll never watch TopGun in the same way...) AND MATH IS HAWT!!!
- "'Ride me Slaahhhh!' The way he said Slayer made Buffy hot." I swear to god, I cut and pasted that. Because drooling no-bottom-jaw having sex partners would get ANYONE hot. Is he being choked? The story IS called Strangled Passions...
- "His cock wept with need." EWWW. When is that EVER sexy? Oh, right. Never!
- "She...let the insides of her meaty lips work his dick." That makes me feel all girly and thin. And that my name is Al and I drive an 18 wheeler.
- "His hands felt like a silk scarf around her neck." Which was odd because the silk scarf around her neck felt like his hands...
- "She felt her orgasm approaching as her muscles snapped at his dick like a pissed off aligator."
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! I swear to god, you couldn't make this shit up. Pissed off aligator. Crikey! She's mad now! Idn't she byoo 'efull? GORGEOUS.
- Spock is::
silly
Comments
Tee hee hee...
"She felt her orgasm approaching as her muscles snapped at his dick like a pissed off aligator."
No way...she didn't? But of course she did...must find story immediately...
But see, we already knew she was crap at math since she decided that 5 seconds=1 hour.
And more vigina-meat references! OMG!!!!1 I'm about to pop like i would if I were licking the Pope's ring...
I laughed so hard at the aligator... Well, from that we know she's from the westerna nd northern hemispheres. (No crocodiles)
Instead of meat lips, I prefer to call them ham flaps. Oh, shit, I just egressed all over my chair so that it resembles an ocean.
Don't forget to carry the one next time you seat Mr. Anelith in your audience!
I'm working on a Thriller Icon. Because I have waaaay too much time on my hands.
Also...LOVE the icon...scariest part? Definately Michael Jackson...
I heart aligators.
I recced this too a true Spuffy fan, and she almost died - The fanbase grows daily as we spread the bad!fic love... [g]
I have included a proof of the logic of my being put off sex for the rest of my life:
[(Buffy wondered if there was such a thing as too much sex) ^ (sex != 624) -> (too much sex)]
Therefore, {no} is false.
Although, I must say, that episode of the Crocodile Hunter where Steve Irwin wrestles the one-eyed trouser snake while holding baby Connor? Best ever.
I think you are a necro-nympho-philiac. I just watched a vid parodying the Count on Sesame Street, and I've decided that it is exactly what Spike is. Yay!
Navin R. Johnson : I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.
I will love this fic for the rest of my life.
"And I have this terrific new girlfriend and she has a tatoo on her inner thigh that says 'slippery when wet....'"
"She...let the insides of her meaty lips work his dick."
Just ewww...
So wait, she has mulitiple stories, I thought it was just one or two. I bow before her muse. Then I kicked it in the shins. Note the misuse of tenses... it's an homage.
I like to see her as the yardstick by which I measure myself. And I'm coming out a country mile. :-)
::grins::
Hahahahaha! I so needed this :D I *heart* ya!
::HUGS & KISSES::
*squeeze you tight*
(Been thinking about you and your family. Sending thoughts of lov and encouragement your way...)
Anyway, just wanted to thank you for the humor therapy -- I'm in a MUCH better mood than I was this morning!
Also, I'm friending you (I don't expect you to reciprocate, but you might appreciate my tribute to fanfic writers.
You'll come for the bad!fic, but you'll stay for the wee!spike. :-)
I read your terrific fanfic tribute. Aren't you just the coolest?
(friending you back!)
DUDE that is some baaaad fic.