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As someone who was groomed by her mother to have a specific body type, and ridiculed publicly when I didn't have that, as someone who was told by her father that it looked like I had a tire in my waist band, as someone that was an exercise bulimic in her late teens and was grey-faced and wan from being unhealthy, as someone who watched her best friend almost die from anorexia, as someone from the south on the wrong side of the grits line watched her g-grandmother kill herself with food (4'11" 436 pounds on her death bed) let me say this:

Being [eta] underweight or severely overweight combined with eating poorly and not exercising is bad for you. What a shocker, eh?

Note that I am not saying that being UNDERweight and THIN means you are healthy, because we all know that thin person that eats for crap and smokes too much, etc. *cough* Kate moss, Nicole Ritchie, Lara Flynn Boyle *cough* I'm certainly not saying that's the case, and I don't see any of my flist saying that, either. So let's not make assumptions all over the place. (As in, no one is saying people who are of a larger size are automatically unhealthy, and no one is saying that stick-thin waifs are automatically healthy.)

My goal is this: to be able to play when I want, and not have to buy a new wardrobe because of weight fluctuations. Period. I don't have a scale goal, I don't have a size goal. I've struggled with weight issues my whole life, as we all have. I just want to be healthy. To have a strong heart, to have strong lungs, legs, arms, and mind. I'm teaching my daughters that they are beautiful no matter what, and that food is not a reward, that food is not a time killer, that food is not anything but fuel, and often can taste delicious. They make healthy choices and that's all I can ask.

If I, or anyone else in your life that loves you (and you out there that know that I care about you, I DO) says that they want you to be healthy and strong, they aren't automatically saying you are fat, ugly, unattractive, unworthy, gross, etc. Honestly, I see you, not your body shape, not your foot size, any dimples on your ass, just YOU. And if I like you, I like YOU. Which means I want you to stick around for a while. And let's be honest: if you're making poor choices, you know it. You don't need anyone to tell you. I'm certainly not going to.

But I will say this: I care. I care that you might hate yourself because of a stupid scale. I care that you might be killing yourself because you use food to numb whatever it is. I care that you don't use your magnificent body that was designed to move. I care if you smoke. I care if you drink to excess. I care if you make any sort of unhealthy choices. (Wear your seat belts!) :) I CARE. I'm not judging you, I'm not thinking ugly thoughts, I just CARE.

If anyone, ANYONE needs encouragement to make healthier choices, to help you CONTINUE to make the choices you've BEEN making, to get any form of exercise you can, just say the word. I will help in any way I can because I care about you, and about you feeling your best, period. (Obviously if you have a medical condition such as hypothyroidism, etc. that screws up your body's ability to function as it should, that's a different story.) Just... don't knee-jerk to "you're judging me and hating me auuugh!" when it's not that at all. End of preaching at this end. I just can't stand to see anyone else eat themselves to death like they keep doing in my family, that's all. <3

[ETA]


I gained weight because of depression. I walked 6 miles a day, ate 1500 calories a day, and kept weight on. I GET that it's not as simple as eat less/exercise more. But - you can't honestly say out loud that eating less junk food, eating less crap and eating healthier isn't good for you.

This is NOT ABOUT A NUMBER ON A SCALE. BMI doesn't tell the whole picture. Scales don't tell the whole picture. Your VO2 tells you something about your HEALTH. Your flexibility tells you something about your HEALTH. Blood pressure, how well your body utilizes minerals and vitamins, your ability to exert yourself and not have a racing heart and the inability to breath properly.

I am not in judgment of ANYONE that feels their weight isn't what it should be. I've been too thin, I've been too heavy. All I know is this: putting good things in the right amount into your body FEELS GOOD. Using your body in a physical capacity FEELS GOOD. That's it.

Economics, genes, access to good foods all play a part, too.

The whole point is this: I care about YOU feeling good about YOU, whatever that means. I will NEVER (and have never) say that you should be such and such, or that you are doing something bad. (Unless you're smoking. Seriously. You need to stop. <-- directed at my sister) I only say this: if you WANT someone to support you in change, I'm your gal. If you want someone to continue liking you as you are, I'm your gal.

There is no judgment here, only me trying to send positive energy your way. But not in some hippie/crystal stone way. ahahaha. Ahem.

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elfgirl
Sep. 16th, 2008 04:49 pm (UTC)
<3

That is all.
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 04:50 pm (UTC)
<3 <3 <3 to you, too.
rikibeth
Sep. 16th, 2008 04:50 pm (UTC)
My goals are similar to yours, although as most of my wardrobe is for the size I was ~20lbs ago, I guess I've got a size goal.

I still struggle with training myself out of using food as a reward. "Stitch is troubled. He needs dessert" is an emotionally resonant phrase in our household. I compromise by letting treat food keep its reward status, but being sensible about portions -- ONE cupcake, ONE eclair, not an entire damn box of Entenmann's chocolate chip cookies the way I could do in high school and have them vanish into the ether instead of appear on my butt.

My other problem is not liking exercise for its own sake. I'm doing the hundredpushups.com challenge because it's structured enough to appeal to me (and the fact that it's a viral meme besides, so I get a sense of community), and it doesn't hurt that it's free.

Any time you want to encourage me to exercise, I'm all for it.
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 04:53 pm (UTC)
Oh my god, food as a reward. And it's terrible with me, because I automatically think of FAST food, because it was such a treat in my house. *head thunk*

Portion control is so key - bravo to you for being sensible about that! I honestly think that is one of the major hurdles for people to get smart with their food.

I'm VERY impressed with everyone doing the push up challenge. Talk about a tough exercise... And I will cheer you on to move your body! Turn on the radio and rock out when no one's looking. Go for a stroll. Walking is really THE best exercise for your overall health. (Anyone have a dog they can loan you? *g*)

In a nutshell: GO YOU! *hugs*
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bitchygrrl
Sep. 16th, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC)
*points to icon* In truth I don't know how anyone could think you meant any harm. We don't know each other super well, but you have always been a sweet, an genuinely kind person, so you know if they thought you were judging I think that's more of their own self judgement.

I understand exactly what you are saying. Both my parents have suffered serious health problems due to unhealthy eating. My Dad had that major stroke, he is now down to healthy doctor approved weight, and doing well. Still has some hand paralysis though :(

My Mom has finally realized that she doesn't want to be in that situation so she is slowly losing. I'm really proud of her efforst because I know it's hard for her. She became disabled a few years ago due to arthritis and gained a lot of weight.

I gained a lot too, I've always been plump but pretty healthy, but this year I found myself at 180lbs I'm 5'0 now we know that's not healthy and frankly it didn't feel good physically. I actually joined Weight Watchers which puts a real emphasis on changing behavior and figuring out why you eat? I'm down to 154 lbs. I have about 25lbs to go to hit the doctor suggested weight and healthy BMI range. I have learned a lot in the weight loss process. I have also started working out. I started with just long steady walks and I've added weight training and more intense cardio with some DVD's. I welcome any encouragement or advice.
rikibeth
Sep. 16th, 2008 05:06 pm (UTC)
Go you!
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orejen
Sep. 16th, 2008 05:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I always appreciate what you have to say.
I'm learning to love the way I am.

I realized recently that I have stayed very stable in my (over)weight status over the last 17 years. I weigh the same weight I do at almost 39 as I did when I was 22.

Granted, 22 was when my PCOS kicked in and I gained 30 lbs in a year, but still, how many people can say they've kept the same weight for that long? I mean, I haven't been 191 every day or even every month. I went up to 231 when I was on steroids. In the end though, my body seemed to like being 191.

I've finally got my PCOS and Insulin Resistance formally diagnosed and I am curious what my new "natural" weight will be once the IR is under control with Metformin.
rikibeth
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:45 pm (UTC)
Re: Thanks. I always appreciate what you have to say.
Sister!

I was diagnosed officially at 15 -- but my family spotted the IR tendencies before I hit puberty, and started feeding me lower carb/higher protein before my age was in double digits. I seriously credit that with my weight being a non-issue until I passed 35, and with not having any problems conceiving. I'm second-generation PCOS -- my mom had a wedge resection and took Clomid+cortisone to have me & my brother, and I conceived my daughter with no medical interventions.

I might have an easier time dropping the 20lbs I want to if I went on metformin -- but, no health insurance, and everything else seems to be working adequately, so I'm not sanguine about stressing my liver just to get rid of a mustache and undo the effects of one month of living on fast food last summer while I was moving house. I'll stick to sensible eating, exercise, and my trusty tweezers for now.
drusplace
Sep. 16th, 2008 05:56 pm (UTC)
Did I miss something? Why are we debating the weight thing (or not debating?)

BAH! I hate this issue. I fall into the waif-thin category. I'm 5'3 (AND A HALF!) and never weigh over 110. Actually I'm usually about 98 pounds. NOT HEALTHY! I'm at a higher weight for me at the moment and I really do like it better.

My own personal weight issues come from the fact that otherwise normal and nice people, acquaintances, friends-of-friends, former coworkers have come up to me and said "OMG YOU ARE SO TINY ARE YOU ANOREXIC?" (Capitals are theirs not mine). These are people who would not go up to an overweight person and say "OMG YOU ARE SO FAT ARE YOU OBESE?"

No I am not and thankfully have never been anorexic. But thank you people for wanting to know if I am indeed inflicted with a horrible disease (and a disease it is and I feel horrible for anyone who has had it). I even once had someone tell me I was chihauhau (I have no idea if I spelled that correctly).

Comments like that used to hurt me, and I feel like welling up with tears right now, but then I realised most of these people were just projecting there own personal weight issues onto me.

As long as someone is healthy then weight/size should not be an issue EVER!
bitchygrrl
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:09 pm (UTC)
I think that when people go up to very thin people and say that it's so rude. I've never gotten why people think that's okay. My cousin still gets that. She's 39 5'8 and has always weighed about 120. She eats normally, always has, her parents are also very thin, it's just genetics. She's finally okay with her size but people still come up and make those sort of remarks to her. It's thoughtless and it's hurtful.

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secondalto
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC)
*APPLAUDS*

Personally I have an approximate size and weight goal. This is mostly due to the fact that I gained heavily with my first pregnancy. I worked my ass off to lose that and got damned near my goal when I got hurt at work and put some of it back on. I was not angry with how much I weighed, but wanted to lose for health reasons. Now with the second pregnancy I'm glad that I haven't ballooned up again (mostly thanks to me doing a lot of walking in the early months). Once the baby is born, I'll work hard again to lose, but I'm not aiming for one set weight or size. If I get around that target I'll be happy enough.
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:50 pm (UTC)
Oh my god with the baby weight gain. I hear you. And that's terrific that you're exercising so much with this pregnancy! That'll make delivery sooooo much easier.

It sounds like you have a very healthy attitude about your body. Which means that you'll teach that to your kids. Awww, how awesome!
brunettepet
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:14 pm (UTC)
I didn't know there was a debate afoot, but as a woman whose food and weight issues stem from my mother's unhealthy relationship with food and dieting, go you for giving your girls a firm foundation to build on.

Although, I will say food should always be delicious. In my house, it's the law. It's just a good thing I find fruits and vegetables delicious. It's too bad my husband finds Captain Crunch and Tater Tots delicious, too!
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:53 pm (UTC)
Eh, it's starting to pop up on my flist, and I was getting bothered by the hypocrisy. (IT's okay to be mad at someone who's thin, but thin people can't comment on not-thin, etc.)

It's not easy to keep my mouth shut when I see my #2 reaching for seconds. I have to remember she's growing, going through puberty, and most importantly: SHE LIKES HERSELF. (I'm getting a little choked up here.) Those horrible lessons our parents taught us...

HAhAHAHA: food SHOULD always be delicious! I second that. And my kids love the stuff I feed them, because that's what I feed them. *G* (That's what I always tell my friends that have finicky kids. If all there is to eat is veggie stir fry, they'll eventually it eat.)

(Ugh, i find tater tots good, too. But once I've had them, I don't need them again for a looooong time.)
poshcat
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:34 pm (UTC)
I just want to smack your parents. Espcially because you're so amazing inside and out. I've seen you in real life! I know, baby!! (I mean inside your soul, by the way, not your, like, guts. Not that they're not amazing, too.)

Did I tell you my sister is trying to teach her 10 year old daughter not to lick her plate in public like the three of them do at home? We figure my niece is about 135 lbs. Sigh.
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:55 pm (UTC)
Pfft, quit fronting. You know you're in love with my guts. I've got the sexiest duodenum around, baby.

....what. WHAT?! Lick their plates? Well, I guess you can say that mom makes good food they can't get enough of? Yipes. At least she's trying to stop that habit? (I'm out of words, Poshy!)

And you, Missy, are cute as a button. Especially in form-fitting blue dresses. Rawr.
lolz
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:46 pm (UTC)
Oh my Lord, by no exaggeration at all I swear what you just said is the tiny part in my brain that has been YELLINGSCREAMING at me to get healthy. For the last 3 months, no, that's a lie, for as long as I can remember I've been trying to get myself motivated to get to the gym. Honestly, 15lbs, that's all I need. There's people out there that need to loose 100lbs and they do it, so 15 should be a piece of cake, right? I'm not insanely overweight by any means (I'm 23, 5'2, 135lbs). But I'm the heaviest I've ever been, which is depressing. And I know that with the decisions I've been making I'm tip-toeing on that overweight line.

I just want to be healthy and want to be fit. All my life I've had TERRIBLE self-esteem (if I had any at all). I compare myself to everyone. But instead of being the teenager who starves, I ate trying to convince myself "who cares! I'm perfect the way I am" even though I didn't believe that. I want to wear an outfit and feel awesome and just have confidence oozing out of my ears.

HELP ME!!! Hah! No really, what you said really meant a lot. It's motivating me to get a move on it!
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:59 pm (UTC)
I think that when it is a small amoubt, you find all sorts of ways to justify why it's no big deal. And honestly, it's not. BUT! If it's bothering YOU and keeping you from feeling good about yourself, then go for it!

(Dude. The easiest way to lose 5-15 pounds? Stop drinking sodas. no lie. Even the diet ones.)

You know, you should find something that makes you feel like a bad ass, or sexy. Kickboxing or a pilates class, or something like that. I play music that makes me feel fierce when I work out, and it really, really helps. (I Like Big Butts by Sir Mix a Lot is a good choice. *G*)

Girl, all you need to do is tighten up. You can TOTALLY do that! *cheers you on!*
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dancetomato
Sep. 16th, 2008 06:55 pm (UTC)
Being overweight, eating poorly, and not exercising is bad for you. What a shocker, eh?

Eating poorly and not exercising are bad for you. Being overweight: not necessarily so. I am morbidly obese, yet my cholesterol and blood pressure are fine. Overweight women can have better bone density than thin women. Fat women can be unhealthy or they can be tri-athletes. Waist to hip ratio is more indicative of heart disease than weight. A thin woman with little difference between waist and hip measurements is statistically more prone to heart disease than an hour glass woman whose BMI is 40. The BMI is seriously flawed and has little correlation with health at all.

I know you mean well. But I had to say something because the whole point of Health At Every Size is to get away from saying being overweight is, in and of itself, bad for you.
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 07:10 pm (UTC)
Is everyone overweight in poor health? No. Look at you: cholesterol and blood pressure are good, which is one of the problems for people who have poor health due to being overweight. But you can't deny that helath issues arise from being overweight DUE TO poor eating choices and lack of exercise.

Obviously a woman that runs triathlons is in better health than, say, Kate Moss who smokes like a chimney and snorts like a Hoover. I specifically mentioned that just because a person is THIN doesn't mean they are HEALTHY, because we both know better. I felt I made a point of talking about people in POOR health. When I did the 3-Day the last time, I was getting SMOKED by an older couple that - from appearances - did not look to be in top shape. I specifically mentioned then that because of my experiences there with people of all shapes, sizes, fitness levels that I would never judge a book by its cover, and I haven't.

I think that this topic is very triggering for you, so I can respect that you have charged emotions/thoughts regarding my opinion. I do want you to know this: when I think of you (and you know I do) all I remember is your beautiful face, your fabulous hair, and your awesome self. I had no idea that you count yourself among the morbidly obese, I honestly didn't know that.

DT, I love and admire and respect you a ton. If nothing else, take that away from this whole mess. <3
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cityphonelines
Sep. 16th, 2008 07:02 pm (UTC)
WORD to all of this. Though my mother did the opposite because she also has food/weight issues. And in my family food is the reward. It's also the cure for boredom. It is the drug of choice in my household.

I do have a size goal (almost there!), but I've never had a weight goal because I'm tall and naturally muscular so I ALWAYS weigh more than I should. Even at my smallest and healthiest I weighed WAY more than people thought I did.

Also? I love you. A lot.
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC)
Holy shit, food being a cure for boredom. *raises hand* Yeah. I know that one INTIMATELY.

I made a point of not using words like BMI and that sort of thing, because that shit is meaningless up to a point. (Plus, the only way to DO it is i water, not that stupid pinch test.) And any pic I've ever seen of you, I see a beee-you-tee-ful girl. I love that you're tall and muscular. (Isn't that what comic book chicks are? GLamazons? *G*)

I weigh more than I look, too. But I wouldn't trade my muscles for slim shit any day, that's fo sho.

I love YOU a lot, too. You are good people, Vin. *hugs you tiiiiight*
jupiterinmo
Sep. 16th, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC)
Very well said.... bravo!
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 07:17 pm (UTC)
*takes a bow*
*scrubs the tile while I'm down there*
slasheuse
Sep. 16th, 2008 07:23 pm (UTC)
Bravo, bravo!
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 07:31 pm (UTC)
And well done to you for your running program!

...are the food issues there the same as they are here? I ask because there's such a car culture here, and everything is so far from each other, it's not like you can stroll down the road and hit the grocers, etc.
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kseenaa
Sep. 16th, 2008 08:15 pm (UTC)
Hear, hear!

I have discoverd an amazing diet! That works. For me. O.o And according to what "everyone" knows, it shouldn't. :-P Weird, uh? I eat LowCarbHighFat. Meaning, I eat fat food, but natural fats. And no carbohydrates. And I have never felt this good in my entire life! I lost 11 kilos from that! Less weight, I have now started exercising... Life is weird. :-D But now I am starting to love my body! Progress!
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 08:30 pm (UTC)
The most important part of your comment (imo) is "I am starting to love my body" YAY FOR YOU!
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dovil
Sep. 16th, 2008 09:16 pm (UTC)
HEY! I'm glad you didn't die from the storm, it would have made New York that much more of a downer if I had to drag a corpse around with me.

I'm typing this from Washington DC and after eating a piece of apple pie and ice cream for dinner - though HEY, I'm in America, it would have been an insult to your people if I hadn't have had at least one slice of apple pie. The cinnimon and vanilla icecream that went with it, on the other hand, was pure gluttony.

And yes to everything you said. Food is the fuel that runs our bodies, our bodies are the product of millions of years of evolution and in a very short period of time we've gone from a grains, veges and fruit, supplmented with meat, based diet to one that is highly processed and contains a lot of calories in every bite - no wonder the human race is getting bigger waistlines.

But then again: an apple vs apple pie with ice cream. This is why we're doomed, hahahaha! Plus I'm genetically flawed and must eat apple pie and ice cream and it's a medical condition. WHY AM I FAT? NOM NOM NOM!

What? I don't know. Hey, Hi!
stoney321
Sep. 16th, 2008 09:25 pm (UTC)
HEY!!!! I'm seeing your face in a matter of HOURS, whoooooo!

And bwah ha ha - you know we're going to eat decadent foods while we're there, but we'll make up for it with the thousands of miles we'll walk. Not to anywhere in particular, I just want to see how long you can go. Like a mule with better hair!

Processed foods is key = that fake stuff just isn't meant to be in our bodies. Our bodies certainly weren't designed for them!

I'm meeting you at the hotel on Thursday, yes? I'll be there around 2. Once I check in, if you're not there, I'll stow my stuff in our room and hang out in the lobby to wait for you. Just look for the dork in green glasses.
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( 99 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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