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Trips travels travails

Back from NYC after a fantastic weekend of laughing my butt off with dovil. I highly recommend that everyone have their very own Kiwi, incidentally.

I have to say this first, because it's SO FREAKING INSANE that I'm still boggling over it. I hired a car to pick me up Thursday morning to take me to their leader the airport, at 6 am. Which means I'm up at 5 to shower, etc. Which means I'm not focusing on anything but not falling over, because that is too early to rise, that's a stumble in time. Anyhoo. I laid out my clothing the night before on the edge of my tub, because I'm weird and like to be organized. I get in the shower, finally open my eyes, throw on a robe and get my coffee. Come back to the bathroom to get dressed/etc. and there are ANTS SWARMING MY BRAND NEW SHIRT. Ants.


I gingerly pick it up by my fingertips, toss it in the laundry, and hope I can wash it, remove the evil, and dry it in time to get to my waiting car at 6. Get it out of the wash and the ANTS ATE HOLES IN MY SHIRT. I mentioned brand new? Pulled the tags off the night before, laid it down?? What the hell?! Just the day before I made the house SPOTLESS, so there was nothing to bring any creature in uninvited. And I don't have an ant problem. Except for how I do! What on earth?? And I'm out a totally cute shirt that I never got to wear. Woe.

Manners: They're Free! (So there's no excuse for not having any.)

Last trip I was on, I encountered horrendous airplane etiquette. I did this time, too. PEOPLE: train your kids up right so they don't get smacked in the head.

  • Yes, 4 1/2 hours is a longish flight. Yes, you may be tired. Yes, you may sleep in your seat, yes yes yes. That should NOT entail, however, you pulling down your seat-back tray, draping your legs over it, and throwing your arms out into the aisle so you can be more comfortable. When did girls stop caring about looking like boors? Is that my Southernism showing? Nonetheless, when a stewardess has to throw your arm over your body and slam the beverage cart into your knees because you won't respond when she speaks to you... you're doing it wrong.

  • Rolling carts, and rolling carts ONLY go over head. Not your coat, your bag, your purse, your laptop... rolling carts. Those little things you brought? They go under the seat in front of you. When an elderly man is ready to burst into tears because he's at the front and there's nowhere left for his freaking OXYGEN TANK because some half-wit can't jam their purse in front of them, or some douchey business man just can't put his suit coat in his lap... Good lord. (The stewardesses were scrambing, trying to find out who's coat was this, who's purse, etc. while he was trying to find a place for his tank. Which... he should have been boarded first. I'm just saying.) Wait until the big stuff is put up, THEN look and see if there's room for your duty-free purse and perfume purchase. No more consideration in the world, huh? Jeez.

  • DO NOT TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF ON THE PLANE. Especially if your feet smell that bad. Oh my god. (This was my seat mate, incidentally. I'm talking SOCKS off, not just the shoes.) Blergh.

Other than that, I really love airplane travel. I got a lot of reading done on my magic book (hahaha, that's what we're calling my Kindle) hopefully talked a person out of reading Twilight (probably not - she looked "the type") and had several people ask me about my Kindle, which should nab me some free downloads, if the world ran as I would like. I'm not gonna lie, though: I was scared by the number of people I saw reading SMeyers in the airport/on the plane. Nooooo! and the girl who asked if I had read them, and were they any good? And I told her the truth? And I mentioned how the second book GOES BLANK when the boy leaves Bella, because she no longer exists without a man?! You could tell she thought that was kinda-sorta romantic. And I wanted to thump her forehead.

Doooooooooooovil (not DOE-vil)

I wanna say this flat out: dovil is BY FAR my most favorite person to travel with, aside from my husband. Absolutely a riot, smart, can keep up with me drinking (hahahaha, she's the ONLY person that has ever out-drunk me, not that I'm going for a record, or anything. Anymore. Haha. Did I mention that my body is 38% liver?) is up for anything, anywhere, anytime.

Which is to say that we made out with hobos on street corners, sold our bodies, streaked through the NASDAQ before the closing bell, and robbed Japanese tourists. You know, had a good time! Okay, okay, we didn't make out with any hobos. We just went on a killing spree.


  • getting her to eat foods she'd never had before (figs, homeless ladies' livers - with a fine Chianti and fava beans, buffalo wings)
  • watching her try to not explode from the heat of the buffalo wings (um, they don't do spicy there, apparently. Not like WE do spicy, at least.)
  • drinking many fine bottles of wine/cocktails/beer
  • always finding ourselves hot French boy-adjacent and marveling at said hot French boys sexy sexy language
  • laughing at how the Empire State Building should be called "The Line Ride"
  • seeing that she actually laughed unprompted by me at my horror movie (the jokes translate! YAY!)
  • loads and loads of intelligent and hilarious conversation. She's UTTERLY FABULOUS. Aww, I missed her. And now I miss her again.

We went to a comedy club Sat. night and saw a couple of good comedians. The opening act was pretty meh, but they got funnier as the night went on. And the audience got douchier as the night went on. What's the deal with heckling? And this is coming from someone that used to do stand-up comedy. Here's a tip: you're not funnier than the comedian. No one thinks you're funny, except your drunk buddies. You're screwing up the show. The guys on stage handled themselves well, but the audience was filled with idiots. We left afterwards and saw the main group of morons leave in a stretch Hummer. Ah. With Jersey plates. AH.

Every true New Yorker we encountered, however, was absolutely lovely. I <3 NY. When people found out I was from Texas, they asked about my family, the hurricane, what needed to be done... Awww. So sweet and thoughtful. One guy from Queens took his HAT OFF, held it over his heart, and told me he would pray for my family. (I tried to explain that I wasn't from Galveston, but he was so earnest and sweet, I just couldn't ruin it for him.)

It was also heartening to see all the pro-Obama gear all over the city. For the record, I live in THE reddest county in the state of Texas (I know, but the schools are awesome), and I've only seen ONE pro-McCain sticker. Everyone (except the evangelical family on my block) is supporting Obama. If that doesn't give you hope, I just don't know what will.

BOOKS! (and a tiny TV mention, but nothing spoilery - this journal is ANTI-SPOILERS!)

Since the plane ride was nice and long, I got a lot of reading done. I finished Cormac McCarthy's No Country For Old Men. Loved the movie (as much as you can love a bleak, violent movie, which I did) and loved the book even more. When someone writes Texans saying "Fixin to" and "kindly" in place of "about to" and "kind of," I kindly love them loads. That book read like a story from someone's Papaw (pa-paw) after he just couldn't hold something inside no more. Looking off at the prairie, not making eye contact, pulling a thorn long stuck inside him. Good hell, that's a story, and just... If you've not read it, I highly recommend it. I'll admit that I've not read any of his books before this, so I downloaded "The Road" and have started on that, too. Just as excellent, just as griping.

For the plane ride back, I needed something lighter and simpler, so I downloaded the book that the show "True Blood" is based on. It's complete crack, one of those quick reads (I read the whole thing on the plane and had time to do other stuff, if that tells you anything) and while it has some cliched aspects, and some cheesy moments, I also found it very entertaining. And I'll be completely honest, there's a scene in it (I won't spoil anyone) that got me a little choked up, truth be told. And the sex scenes didn't disappoint.

Note to Alan Ball, writer/producer of "True Blood:"

Your sex scenes leave me cold. And? There's too much. <-- not anything I thought I'd ever say. And Anna Paquin's acting is still driving me nuts. She is just not comfortable in her own skin, I've decided. The character in the book knows she's cute, knows she's got a rockin body, but doesn't dwell on it. Anna is still trying to get comfortable on camera with short-shorts, and doesn't know how to be in her body, aware, but unaware. Also, she can't do a Louisiana accent to save her life, and that's the whole POINT of these books: they are BAYOU. (I know that's just about the hardest accent to do, I know. You think they'd spend some time finding someone who could do it, look the part, and - Eh. I'm not a huge believer in Alan Ball's "genius" anyway. Sorry!)

Eh. I'll stick it out until ep 5 as I've been told is where the show takes off, but I don't have high hopes. They just can't figure out if this show should be a mystery show, a farce, multi-layered, a combo of those... I mean, there are no layers, that I can see. (Not that there were in the books, either, but... Huh. If you're taking a book to TV, you should DO SOMETHING with it. See: Jonathan Demme's adaption of Silence of the Lambs.)

Not impressed with the show. The books are mindless fun, though.

Next on my reading list, once I finish The Road, is Look me in the Eye by Augusten Burrough's brother, John Robinson.

I'm that happy-tired you get from a full weekend with someone you really really like, so I plan on being incredibly lazy today and probably eating all of the chocolate that Dovil brought me all the way from the Southern Hemisphere. I've had worse days. ;)

Since everyone seemed to post a bunch this weekend, I'm probably not going to be able to go back through the ol' flist, so if you have exciting news, updates, etc, lemme know! (And man, after being in front of the Lehman Brothers building as their executives filed out with boxes of their stuff, can I say how glad I am to no longer work in the stocks trade? What a week. R, I'm thinking of you in particular!)


( 32 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 22nd, 2008 03:05 pm (UTC)
I'm still trying to figure out exactly how that girl looked sleeping in that seat, lol! And excellent book recs. *adds them to her reading list*
Sep. 22nd, 2008 03:15 pm (UTC)
If you're sitting near a table, scrunch down in your seat so your lower back is on the actual seat cushion. Criss-cross your legs loosely and flop them on the table in front of you.


Oooh, I hope you like the books, too!
Sep. 22nd, 2008 03:06 pm (UTC)
Was your shirt made of sugar? Holy cannoli! It's always a mystery to me how one can be just bopping along, fancy-and-ant free and then, whoosh, there they are. I've never heard of them attacking a garment before, though. Weirdness.

Glad you had a good trip, rudeness and stinky feet aside. I'm beginning to think that people are just giving up on the home training; in the past week, I have been run off of a sidewalk no less than five times by youth who haven't been taught to walk on the right.
Sep. 22nd, 2008 03:17 pm (UTC)
I KNOW! I wondered if someone ate a donut while shopping, and left sugary fingerprints, or something. I'd never heard of such a thing, either! Jeeeeeeeez.

I'm right there with you on people not training their kids up right. It's crazy, how self-indulgent people are becoming. *shakes cane*
Sep. 22nd, 2008 03:20 pm (UTC)
Ants?! Ants?! Are all the cool kids wearing cotton candy these days?

New York rocks out loud, especially with good company. We drank and ate and ate and drank. Sadly, we were never French boy-adjacent. I feel gypped now. Well, we were at Yankee Stadium. I don't think the French do baseball...

"True Blood" has me filled with ennui. It's not engaging me at all. I'll give it a couple more episodes (completely spaced it was on last night, which is never a good sign). I'd be happy to have something off my TV plate, though.
Sep. 22nd, 2008 03:24 pm (UTC)
ANTS!! Isn't that just weird? And no one should have to deal with that at 5:20 am, when they're naked (under a robe) and sleepy.

Oh, so sad for you! We were French boy adjacent several times. (And hot Ukrainian boy adjacent and...) <-- see what happens when you're not with your husband? :D

I'm giving that show two more eps, then that's it. I'm with you on it not being engaging - they don't know how to put it out there, is my best guess.
Sep. 22nd, 2008 03:55 pm (UTC)
I am so happy you guys had a good time! I love Kiwis, too. Everyone should have one! <3
Sep. 22nd, 2008 04:12 pm (UTC)
We did! And yes, everyone should have one!

(I hope your ears were burning, incidentally. <3)
Sep. 22nd, 2008 04:10 pm (UTC)
That girl can not have been comfortable. Just saying. Glad you had such a grand weekend though!
Sep. 22nd, 2008 04:20 pm (UTC)
There's no way she was comfortable! Coach seats are small enough as it is, but to fold yourself up like that...

It was a great time. Good food, drinks, friends, places? There's no bad there!
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 22nd, 2008 04:22 pm (UTC)
hahahahahaha! I don't know that I could relive the horror though....

I wondered if the sticker (you know the obnoxious one that shows the size?) had something on it. But they were all OVER the shirt, not just on that one spot where the size sticker had been. MYSTERIOUS!!

Hahahahaha - i convinced #2's BFF's mom to ban them from the house. She's a smart cookie, and took me at face value. Whew.\

I think the next step is for me to go to New Zealand! I've always wanted to see Hobbits in their natural state... ;)
Sep. 22nd, 2008 04:23 pm (UTC)
I agree with you about the airplane manners, seriously I may curse like a drunk salior on leave, but I sit like a lady. Damn it's not hard.

I just started reading The Road, I loved Old Counrty both the book and movie. Also reading the L.A. Banks vampire series, vamps of different races and ethnicities along with diverse groups of people working together and it ain't a problem. I'm diggin' it.

PS. You know you made out with hobos, admit it. *lol*
Sep. 22nd, 2008 06:22 pm (UTC)
Sitting like a lady = apparently this needs to be an Olympic sport as it is SO HARD. *eye roll*

I don't know that book series! I'm not a *huge* vampire book reader, meaning, I don't read Anne Rice or any other series because it's about vamps, but if you're digging it, I'll have to def. check it out!

(Tchuh. Of course I did! Mmmmm, week-old Salmon breath.)
... - bitchygrrl - Sep. 22nd, 2008 06:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 22nd, 2008 04:28 pm (UTC)
What the heck is with the ants????

Oh, here's something you might like. It hasn't aired yet, but will apparently be showing on Spike.com starting Oct. 8.


The intro line is "How many times have you been watching a great porn film – you're really enjoying the story, the acting, the cinematography – when, all of the sudden, they ruin everything with PEOPLE HAVING SEX?

A bunch of times, right?"

It's been created by writer/director James Gunn and costars (among others) Nathan Fillion and all the woman are actual porn stars. It's porn without the sex!
Sep. 22nd, 2008 06:20 pm (UTC)
I am SO HAPPY you linked me that, I never heard of it!! Hahahahaha, oh Nathan Fillion. How I want to be in a movie/tv show/home video with you so I can kiss your funny, sexy mouth....
... - drusplace - Sep. 22nd, 2008 06:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 22nd, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC)
It seems I have a lot to say to you. BULLET POINTS AHOY.

-- Have you seen this commercial? That's who I secretly want to be on an airplane.

-- I just can't read The Road (I've read bits and pieces, to my regret). And I'm never going to see the movie, either. It's too much, Stoney, especially as a parent. I don't want to be affected that much EVER.

-- True Blood left me cold as well. All that swearing and sex made me think Tony Soprano was going to show up any second, and not in a good way.

-- My daughter's Grade 9 teacher told her during our P/T meeting that she should read Twilight. She and I gave each other such a look! Hee. She can't imagine a worse fate than reading a book about a girl mooning over a sparkly vampire.

-- I'm very sad I never get to travel with you. I like drinking! I like planes! Sigh.

-- John Robinson is a memeber of an online writers forum I frequent, so we got to experience his journey from writing it to getting it published. We're all very proud of him. :0)

-- Mr Posh and I should buy an investment property in Arizona because of the housing crash. Y/N?????
Sep. 22nd, 2008 06:18 pm (UTC)

-- AHAHAHAHAHAHA. I hadn't seen that before, and now it's one of my most favorite things EVER.
-- oooh, I'm worried, then. I've just started it, so I'm not seeing anything like you're hinting at (but now I'm prepared.) But I know what you mean - I can't read The Lovely Bones and a few other things because of the subject matter/events in the book.
-- now, you know we'd both be there weekly if Tony showed up and popped Sookie's cherry. I'm just saying
-- that teacher should be thumped and I love your daughter for that.
-- where do you want to go? Let's hook up somewhere tropical in a month or two when you're sick of snow. I'm a SUPER travel companion. <3
-- how cool! I'm looking forward to his book. That's awesome that you watched it develop
-- not Arizona, TEXAS! ;)
Sep. 22nd, 2008 05:49 pm (UTC)
You know what I think is the rudest airplane behavior? Actually reclining your seat. I know they are made to recline. But everyone is shoved in like a bunch of sardines and if you recline, you are cutting into someone else's tiny bit of space and often making their tray unusable for laptops, etc. I know mileage varies on that but you will not catch me reclining my seat unless there is no one behind me, and I think it is rude rude rude.

Stinky feet are still worse though.

True Blood is entertaining to me, in a ridiculously endearing way.

I am so glad you had fun with dovil. Anyone who can make you laugh and be the best travel partner EVAR is good people.
Sep. 22nd, 2008 06:12 pm (UTC)
you know you're my most favorite guest, right? And vacation destination? I mean your vagina. That's... that's what I meant by destination. Your lady hotel.

If I have a really small person behind me, I'll recline my seat, but never all the way back, just about an inch or so. Otherwise, I'm leaning onto my tray with a book, so it doesn't matter. (If there's someone that's needing all the space they can get, I never do.) WHat I'm saying is: I HEAR YOU. And word.

I enjoyed the book, and I think you would really enjoy it, honestly. I'm hoping the show picks up more of the humor from the books. I keep hearing that I need to hang on until the 5th ep, then it takes off flying. So even if I'm not around by then, you should be well pleased.
Sep. 22nd, 2008 06:37 pm (UTC)
Oh good lord! The uncouthness on planes nowadays. *sighs* My momma taught me better. I KNOW you teach yours better. Why don't other mommas?

I had an ants attack like that once. They sneaked in through a TINY hole in my closet. Ate up half my underdrawers. And wigged me the hell out to boot.

Mmmm... figs...
Sep. 22nd, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
people is just lazy and ignorant with they babies, mm hmmm. Ain't got no sense that God gave a tree. (Please say that like Miss Celie, because I am.)

They WHAT?!?! That's fucking crazy! Oh, poor britches. What the hell kind of ants we got in this state??
Sep. 22nd, 2008 07:38 pm (UTC)
Oh, gods, flying. I loathe it so very, very much. Oh, i wanted to add - when i was a kid and we flew to Boston to vist my dad's family every summer, we dressed up in our *church clothes*. Hose, heels, skirts/dresses...oh yes. Different now, huh.

But it sounds like you had a lot of fun!

I saw 'No Country' and on the one hand i liked it, but on the other hand, i didn't. I hated how bleak it was, particularly at the end. I hated how the movie ended - maybe the book is different. I just...it had some awesome, awesome moments, and Tommy Lee Jones is right up there with Morgan Freeman in the 'he's in it, it must be good' list but....

I shall try the book, i think, because it's possible that that sort of thing translates over better into the written word.

*makes a note*

Monstrous read the Twilight books but we talked about them and i reminded her that they were maybe fun, candy-sweet sort of reads but they were *not* 'good literature'. Then she read Bradbury's 'The Halloween Tree' and really liked it, so... :)

Edited at 2008-09-22 07:39 pm (UTC)
Sep. 22nd, 2008 07:44 pm (UTC)
Oh, i loooooove flying, I just dont' understand some people's lack of sense. And heeee, I know what you mean about the dressing up bit! (Um, I still do, I can't help it. It makes me feel glamorous to be dressed with makeup and a nice outfit, walking down a gangplank to the airplane. Why yes I *am* a dork!)

Well, if you felt that way about the movie, you shouldn't read the book. It's MORE bleak with the same level of leaving it up to the audience to decide for themselves. It might just drive you nutso. I felt the movie was an absolutely faithful adaption, so there you go.

Monstrous gets BONUS POINTS in my book for that! :D
... - tabaqui - Sep. 22nd, 2008 07:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Sep. 22nd, 2008 08:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - tabaqui - Sep. 22nd, 2008 08:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
Sep. 22nd, 2008 08:54 pm (UTC)
I've already had a friend try to talk me into watching True Blood. I am... wary, as she has already confessed to enjoying the Twilight books. My offer of links to your Sparkledammerung was politely but firmly refused. So. We seem to have very differing tastes. And yet I've agreed to wait a couple more eps and then watch the first four or five in one go (or as far as I manage to get before screaming at the tv and deleting them).

What formats does your Kindle read, and do you have a wishlist for future books? I am a wee bit obsessed with collecting ebooks of anything I might one day be tempted to read, and am not averse to sharing the wealth.
Sep. 22nd, 2008 10:14 pm (UTC)
I think people are of the idea that when you're on a plane, you aren't going to see these people ever again, so, act like a dick head! Like a dog that hides the first half of its body under the chair. "I can't see you, so you can't see me" sort of thing, but really, EVERYONE sees. Even God.

No, ESPECIALLY God. And he's like, "Bitch, put your legs on the ground and stow your items in front of you like you've been taught a million times before. Unless this is your first time flying, in which case, 'Pay attention to the Semaphore Ladies in suits who are kindly directing you how to do things before the plane takes off.'" And then God clutched his pearls and batted his eyelashes from the sin of humankind.

Also, God can be replaced by any old woman in Louisiana. Speaking of which (decides to flood your comments) True Blood is like watching a high school play and then going backstage to find all your friends fucking each other between costume changes in the janitor's closet. You don't really want to be seeing EITHER. Perhaps we should tell Allan Ball about the dog under the chair thing.

Glad you're back! I expect a phone call tomorrow with more details of your excursion away from me. *single tear*
Sep. 22nd, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC)
I LOVE YOUR NEW ICON. Dude, I want that. It's probably not shareable, huh? It's awesome.

And I called! You weren't there, Miss Worky Pants. I had to talk to Christ for an hour. GOD. I'll def. call tomorrow when them babies is in skoo gettin they learn on. You know how they do.
Sep. 22nd, 2008 11:28 pm (UTC)
Glad you had fun!

Very cool to hear the book NCfOM was so great -- I loved the film, and was wondering how the text compared. Gah, I don't know if I can read The Road! It sounds so fantastic, but *has post-apocalyptic-world issues*

Ha, Burroughs' brother published a book too? Didn't his mother just get a deal to tell her side of the story? It would be kind of hilarious if they eventually had to have their own section in a library somewhere, and if their titles all degenerated to things like, My Family: Lying Liars Who Lie, Except For Me, Who is Full of Truthiness, Except For When I Also Lied, But That Was Artistic License For LULZ, Really I Am Not Like James Frey.
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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