amusedHe asked her what the hell was that hot mess. She shrugged and rolled her eyes and said something to the effect of, "It's a series of inside jokes between me and Alan Ball, now." The mask that Jason wears to dance on film for Lafayette? That was her Halloween costume, so they went with it. And the most shocking thing she said??
THAT WAS A REAL, STORE BOUGHT PECAN PIE. I did the Elaine shove, "GET OUT!" It appears that in the swamps of Florida, where the show is filmed, that's what passes for pie in the frozen section of the Publix grocery store. Gross.
She didn't out and out say it, but she pretty much hinted that she thinks it's sh*t, too. At least I'm not losing my mind... That show is just the most head-scratching piece of wtfery I've ever seen. And I swear to the god of your choice, if I hear Tara or her mama say "I gots a day-mon in me" one more time, I might have to shoot something.
After reading over on fan_wank that RPatz (Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter and soon to be Edward in the new Twilight movie) is absolutely crapping all over the story, and has called out SMeyers on her Mary Sue of a Bella:
"I was convinced... that Stephenie was convinced... that she was Bella... and it was like a book that wasn't supposed to be published. And you're reading like, her sort of sexual fantasy. [...] I was like, This woman is mad. She's completely mad, and she's in love with her own fictional creation. And sometimes you'd like feel uncomfortable reading this thing. [...] It's kind of... like a sick pleasure."
I love him. That is AWESOME! And I'm not even going to lie: I am going to see that movie, but I plan on laughing very loudly and mocking it. Because are you kidding me?!? I have a STRONG NEED to re-write True Blood dialogue in a Twilight-esque fashion.
****
"I gots a day-mon in me...." Tara whispered, undone by the beauty that was Sam, the shape shifter. "Sure, sure," Sam crooned, then forced a kiss upon her. His soft, magisterial hair belied the strength in his lips. It belied it.
***
Sookie, barely able to stand on two feet without a harness, blinked multiple times. Could this be real? Could this be happening? The solid, cold, white, pearly, hard, perfect man before her was... a vampire.
"Say it," Bill whispered, sending chills up her arms.
"I..."
"Say it!" Bill said with force and a hint of chagrin.
"I... cannot act, nor do I know how to stand properly on mah two laigs."
Bill's face broke into a smile, then, and the effect was magnificent. It was as if the sun broke through a cloudy day, as if two unicorns came charging across a field of wildflowers, as if the Lord Himself appeared before the masses, crying, "I am He and thou shalt worship Me."
"Bill?"
Bill smiled, tucking a loose strand behind Sookie's ear with clever fingers. "Yes?"
"I really am the most unlahkable person ever, I cain't stand up without falling over, I'm sour, I'm dour, and I'm convinced every boy in the world loves me."
Bill chuckled, and it was the sound of water rushing over well-worn river rocks in a quiet brook, set within a glen filled with tender animals and splashes of color set upon flowers strewn about the glade, bees and butterflies humming in the sultry air and a vampire laughing amidst it all.
"That is precisely why you are so perfect for me."
"That don't make no sense."
Bill smiled, and Sookie's heart literally stopped beating until she remembered that her heart only beat when she told it to, which is most likely what explained why she couldn't stand; she was constantly reminding her heart to beat. One look at the kind, loving, intelligent, talented, perfect, beautiful, flawless face that was Bill, stopped her heart all over again.
"Oh, Sookie, why can't you see what you really are? You are a vessel that next to, causes me to appear even more ethereal than before. I bask in your love, making me far more powerful than even you could realize. Also, I like women I can control."
Sookie fell under his gaze, filled with love, longing, and a need to marry him instantly, become just like him, and have many, many babies that might have to kill her in order to come to this earth. So be it, she felt, deep within the marrow of her bones.
"Also, The marrow of your bones smell like fresh, wounded lamb to me," Bill whispered, his firm, hard cold, marble-like, chiseled lips pressed against her ear.
They left, hand in hand, to the mud-bug party at Lafayette's, nothing but promise, chaste kisses, and many many mosquitoes in the air.
****
southernbangel is coming for a weekend visit so there will be wine, us women, fajitas, and footballs. NICE. 
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