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Picture it: Sicily, 1912! (I can't let the Golden Girls go, I'm sorry.)

REAL ENTRY: So I'm on my short walk this morning (7 miles because I am Sasha Fierce, Beyonce) and cars are passing, the occupants starring at me. I hate being stared at, incidentally. I'm growing more irritated with every car passing me (and I'm walking into the wind, y'all know that stiff winds ARE MY ENEMY,) and begin to get paranoid, because I'm nothing if not a rational, calm human.

Are my tits hanging out?
Am I popping nips?
Is there blood on my leg, or is a giant man in a frightening mask following me?

On and on. A landscaper riding a lawn tractor is SLOWING DOWN and staring at me quizzically, and that's it. I stomp over to some trees under the pretense of "stretching" and check myself out. Fine, fine, everything covered, nothing amiss, WHATEVER, PEOPLE. I grab my mp3 player out of my waistband (I'm wearing a new pair of capri-length leggings that don't have a pocket, so my mp3 player is jammed in my waist band. Because of my walking, it's slipped down a bit. Ahem. And I see that the cord for my headphones is hanging down enough so that it's tucked up into my ladybidness, so to passers by, it appears that I have jammed an iPod up my cooze for safe keeping, or some such.


Jesus hell, people, you can't take me anywhere. Oh, the laughing I did at myself, which only made more cars wonder about the crazy lady on the side of the road, probably setting her thingamabob to vibrate and enjoying herself in public. BWAH.

Stoney: 0
The World: A billion


( 68 comments — Leave a comment )
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Nov. 19th, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
I would listen to that sweet, sweet music. *nods*

Make me a mix tape?
Nov. 19th, 2008 05:15 pm (UTC)
BWAH! Twat? I cunt hair you...
... - abusing_sarcasm - Nov. 19th, 2008 05:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - moosesal - Nov. 19th, 2008 07:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 19th, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
I had a good, much-needed laugh as a result of your plight, though I am sorry you experienced it. ;)
Nov. 19th, 2008 05:16 pm (UTC)
I am a NERD DELUXE, yo.

Oh, man, thank goodness I can laugh at myself, or I would be miserable ALL THE TIME. :D
Nov. 19th, 2008 05:17 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha! And it's not like someone could tell you what they thought was going on! If your fly was open or you were flashing boob I would not hesitate, but in this case I would have just stared, too!
Nov. 19th, 2008 05:44 pm (UTC)
*head desk times a million*

See, I run the cord under my shirt so I don't have all that swinging around to tangle my arms. I usually tuck the excess into my waistband, too, but it just hung down in front and...

Good lord. I'm just a hot mess.
... - nwhepcat - Nov. 20th, 2008 03:43 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Nov. 20th, 2008 12:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 19th, 2008 05:41 pm (UTC)



Nov. 19th, 2008 05:45 pm (UTC)

Class, right here! *points to self*
Nov. 19th, 2008 05:46 pm (UTC)
Oh dear. I head desk on your behalf.
*giggles some more*
Nov. 19th, 2008 05:54 pm (UTC)
I just...

IT WASN'T THERE, OKAY WORLD?? It just LOOKED like it was. But it wasn't.

*cries* Ahahaha.
Nov. 19th, 2008 06:04 pm (UTC)
I bet the iPod had fun, though. <3
Nov. 19th, 2008 06:06 pm (UTC)

Stupid pants with no pockets... ;)
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 19th, 2008 09:41 pm (UTC)
Hahahahaha, thank you!
Nov. 19th, 2008 06:46 pm (UTC)
Wow. That's... special.

Wouldn't it be hard to RUN like that?
Nov. 19th, 2008 09:42 pm (UTC)
Well, possibly? I don't know as I was walking. And keep in mind that the CORD was DANGLING BETWEEN MY CLOTHED LEGS. I didn't ACTUALLY have what people thought I had.

....just to be clear. ;)
... - tricksterquinn - Nov. 19th, 2008 09:57 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 19th, 2008 06:55 pm (UTC)

you know, they do sell a vibe thing that attaches to you ipod and vibes to the beat of whatever's playing. I wonder how many people thought that was exactly what you were doing while walking down the road?
Nov. 19th, 2008 09:42 pm (UTC)
They sell iBrators?!?! Why was I not informed? And hahahaha, I would think a safe bet is most of them thought that...
... - turnonmyheels - Nov. 20th, 2008 02:39 am (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Nov. 20th, 2008 12:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - rikibeth - Nov. 20th, 2008 03:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Nov. 20th, 2008 04:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 19th, 2008 07:35 pm (UTC)
I love you. That's all I have to say. I love you. Thank you for making me laugh.
Nov. 19th, 2008 09:43 pm (UTC)

(Um, people are thinking I actually shoved my player up my Noni. Why doesn't anyone READ anymore?? *laments*)
... - moosesal - Nov. 19th, 2008 10:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - Nov. 19th, 2008 10:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - moosesal - Nov. 19th, 2008 11:30 pm (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 19th, 2008 07:44 pm (UTC)
I am sorry to report that I, too, would have laughed and stared a little. I feel like I was probably taught better manners than that, but the fact that the idea of an iVagina would have popped into my head probably supersedes any pretense of manners.
Nov. 19th, 2008 09:45 pm (UTC)
Oh, don't even think that I wouldn't have slowed down, my head hanging out, looking back and what might be the thing that makes my day.

And evidently there's an iBrator! I-

That's a lot to take in all at once.
Nov. 19th, 2008 08:29 pm (UTC)
Ahahaha. Awesome.
Nov. 19th, 2008 09:45 pm (UTC)
*points to icon*
Nov. 19th, 2008 08:33 pm (UTC)
I know everyone is laughing at you, but personally I am appalled at the idea that seven miles is a short walk.

(I wouldn't have noticed the iPod thing as I am clueless.)
Nov. 19th, 2008 09:46 pm (UTC)
With me, WITH ME!! Ahahaha. Well, seeing as I was walking 12 - 15 miles at a go just about a week ago, 7 is my short walk. *flexes my thighs for you*

Man, I just found out that there IS such a thing as a vibrator that attaches to your iPod! What the hell, world?
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 19th, 2008 09:47 pm (UTC)
HEEEE! I say the same thing to my cats when they get high and mighty. Hahaha, side note, my sister calls cat butts a banana chip, which is both hilarious and has effectively put me off eating those forever. :D
Nov. 19th, 2008 08:54 pm (UTC)
Do you fart classically, or is it more drum n bass?
Nov. 19th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)
It really depends on my diet. I usually aim for a clear, high C.
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( 68 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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