Picture it: Sicily, 1912! (I can't let the Golden Girls go, I'm sorry.)
REAL ENTRY: So I'm on my short walk this morning (7 miles because I am Sasha Fierce, Beyonce) and cars are passing, the occupants starring at me. I hate being stared at, incidentally. I'm growing more irritated with every car passing me (and I'm walking into the wind, y'all know that stiff winds ARE MY ENEMY,) and begin to get paranoid, because I'm nothing if not a rational, calm human.
Are my tits hanging out?
Am I popping nips?
Is there blood on my leg, or is a giant man in a frightening mask following me?
On and on. A landscaper riding a lawn tractor is SLOWING DOWN and staring at me quizzically, and that's it. I stomp over to some trees under the pretense of "stretching" and check myself out. Fine, fine, everything covered, nothing amiss, WHATEVER, PEOPLE. I grab my mp3 player out of my waistband (I'm wearing a new pair of capri-length leggings that don't have a pocket, so my mp3 player is jammed in my waist band. Because of my walking, it's slipped down a bit. Ahem. And I see that the cord for my headphones is hanging down enough so that it's tucked up into my ladybidness, so to passers by, it appears that I have jammed an iPod up my cooze for safe keeping, or some such.
I WOULD STARE AT THAT, TOO.
Jesus hell, people, you can't take me anywhere. Oh, the laughing I did at myself, which only made more cars wonder about the crazy lady on the side of the road, probably setting her thingamabob to vibrate and enjoying herself in public. BWAH.
Stoney: 0
The World: A billion
REAL ENTRY: So I'm on my short walk this morning (7 miles because I am Sasha Fierce, Beyonce) and cars are passing, the occupants starring at me. I hate being stared at, incidentally. I'm growing more irritated with every car passing me (and I'm walking into the wind, y'all know that stiff winds ARE MY ENEMY,) and begin to get paranoid, because I'm nothing if not a rational, calm human.
Are my tits hanging out?
Am I popping nips?
Is there blood on my leg, or is a giant man in a frightening mask following me?
On and on. A landscaper riding a lawn tractor is SLOWING DOWN and staring at me quizzically, and that's it. I stomp over to some trees under the pretense of "stretching" and check myself out. Fine, fine, everything covered, nothing amiss, WHATEVER, PEOPLE. I grab my mp3 player out of my waistband (I'm wearing a new pair of capri-length leggings that don't have a pocket, so my mp3 player is jammed in my waist band. Because of my walking, it's slipped down a bit. Ahem. And I see that the cord for my headphones is hanging down enough so that it's tucked up into my ladybidness, so to passers by, it appears that I have jammed an iPod up my cooze for safe keeping, or some such.
I WOULD STARE AT THAT, TOO.
Jesus hell, people, you can't take me anywhere. Oh, the laughing I did at myself, which only made more cars wonder about the crazy lady on the side of the road, probably setting her thingamabob to vibrate and enjoying herself in public. BWAH.
Stoney: 0
The World: A billion
- Spock is::
embarrassed
'Oos dis bint, then?
stoney321- Laura Stone
- Hey, Don't Judge Me
Comments
Make me a mix tape?
Oh, man, thank goodness I can laugh at myself, or I would be miserable ALL THE TIME. :D
See, I run the cord under my shirt so I don't have all that swinging around to tangle my arms. I usually tuck the excess into my waistband, too, but it just hung down in front and...
Good lord. I'm just a hot mess.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*breathe*
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Class, right here! *points to self*
*giggles some more*
IT WASN'T THERE, OKAY WORLD?? It just LOOKED like it was. But it wasn't.
*cries* Ahahaha.
Stupid pants with no pockets... ;)
Wouldn't it be hard to RUN like that?
....just to be clear. ;)
you know, they do sell a vibe thing that attaches to you ipod and vibes to the beat of whatever's playing. I wonder how many people thought that was exactly what you were doing while walking down the road?
(Um, people are thinking I actually shoved my player up my Noni. Why doesn't anyone READ anymore?? *laments*)
And evidently there's an iBrator! I-
That's a lot to take in all at once.
(I wouldn't have noticed the iPod thing as I am clueless.)
Man, I just found out that there IS such a thing as a vibrator that attaches to your iPod! What the hell, world?