Let's just say that when I threaten, things get done. I'm talking wife swappin', H.I. about my full night's sleep last night with nary a snuffle, a wheeze, not a solitary soft palate rumble from the Mr. To the point where I overslept and didn't get up until 7:40. (I'm up at 6, normally.) What I'm not doing right now is complaining.
Oh, I meant to link to this yesterday, but with one thing and another, I didn't. For those of you that like RPF (and given the amount I've written back in the day, I will not judge you.) there's a newsletter for all your RPF needs, the appropriately titled
handbasketnews. Incidentally, I don't want to hear about your moral repugnance to RPF. You don't need to feel like I need to know all about how that's the ONLY stuff you like to read, either. Like clean air, Coke Zero, and nuns, it just exists whether or not you approve or disapprove, you know'm sayin? The comm is run by some ladies that know good fic, I will say, so you'll find a plethora of well-written fics.
I wanna change gears, though, and offer a poll, a poll of such importance, you will hurt my feelings if you don't take it. I call it the "Do you poot while getting a massage?" poll.
Today I hope to get my whole bathroom repainted. A few years ago I ripped off all the original vinyl wallpaper (VINYL WALLPAPER. Let that sink in for a minute. Okay, keep reading) that was teal and pink and GOLD (what where they thinking??) and painted the bathroom a lovely, earthy green. I'm into earthy, spicy colors. Except for how I'm not anymore. Cool, cool, sleek, and blue, that's what I want now. Also, the earthy green has just enough yellow in it that it's REALLY unattractive when looking in a mirror. (First person to say that's not the wall color, that's the person in the mirror gets a thump.) I've got this really pretty frosty blue (a deeper Tiffany blue, but not as blue as a bluebonnet. I'll post pictures.) I've got dark wood accents, and white trim in there, with some tan to boot. Pretty. One day we'll rip out the ugly cabinets and the stupid shower that was poorly built and I'll have something like these: check out these waterfall bathtubs!! I like the last one the best. Or these vanities! Everything in our bedroom is wall mounted now, with the exception of our bed. I LOVE it. Vacuuming under furniture? Awesome. (I have four pets.) The top one is also gorgeous. Mmm, wood grain. Check out this shower! With the exception of the stool, I love everything in there.
In completely unrelated news, I watched Eastern Promises this weekend. Viggo Mortenson continues to amaze me both as an actor, and as a woman. Good god, that man makes me tingly in my naughty no nos. He needs to be a greasy Russian mob man covered in tattoos all the time, Y/Y?
Oh, I meant to link to this yesterday, but with one thing and another, I didn't. For those of you that like RPF (and given the amount I've written back in the day, I will not judge you.) there's a newsletter for all your RPF needs, the appropriately titled
handbasketnews. Incidentally, I don't want to hear about your moral repugnance to RPF. You don't need to feel like I need to know all about how that's the ONLY stuff you like to read, either. Like clean air, Coke Zero, and nuns, it just exists whether or not you approve or disapprove, you know'm sayin? The comm is run by some ladies that know good fic, I will say, so you'll find a plethora of well-written fics.I wanna change gears, though, and offer a poll, a poll of such importance, you will hurt my feelings if you don't take it. I call it the "Do you poot while getting a massage?" poll.
I ______ massages.
love
32(59.3%)
like
6(11.1%)
don't like
0(0.0%)
give
2(3.7%)
hate with a fiery passion to get or give
1(1.9%)
have never had a
3(5.6%)
I make a point of going to the bathroom before a massage.
true
32(61.5%)
false
0(0.0%)
you're supposed to do that?
20(38.5%)
My state of undress for a massage is:
down to my skivvies, I'm no perv!
6(12.2%)
bra off and britches on
26(53.1%)
slither into those sheets naked as a jaybird, baby!
15(30.6%)
I remain fully clothed so that I may honor my God.
1(2.0%)
For some reason I get naked, but wear my "massage sweater" and boots. It's a thing.
0(0.0%)
I have never:
felt ticklish.
4(9.1%)
told them I felt ticklish.
9(20.5%)
told them harder.
4(9.1%)
told them too hard.
11(25.0%)
had a massage that wasn't exactly what I wanted.
3(6.8%)
I like it:
rough and tough.
2(4.0%)
gentle as the rain.
3(6.0%)
Swedish.
10(20.0%)
Svenish. (No ladies, pls.)
0(0.0%)
deep tissue - if I'm not staggering out there, it's as if we shouldn't have wasted our time.
3(6.0%)
that poky finger-jab type. Because I'm sick and wrong in the head, evidently.
0(0.0%)
flowy, trippy, earthy, with the stink of Patchoulie in the air.
1(2.0%)
hot stone'd.
4(8.0%)
Back to that bathroom question...
I have never farted on a massage table.
28(57.1%)
as soon as I get under the sheet, I immediately let 'er rip.
2(4.1%)
I clench the entire time, trying to keep a toot in. (I'm mannered, is what I'm saying.)
10(20.4%)
I wait until the masseur is at the other end and let one squeak out.
3(6.1%)
I pretend nothing is happening, even though the sheet is vibrating like I've got a fan on under here.
1(2.0%)
Do you think they (the masseur)
have seen it all? Or rather, isn't bothered?
17(34.7%)
Bothered, but knows you're "relaxing?"
3(6.1%)
totally grossed out and writing a note in your file for everyone to read later?
4(8.2%)
sees it as a compliment? Like how in some countries, a burp is praise? Or something?
1(2.0%)
probably this is all in your head, Stoney, not to say that Stoney has EVER DONE THAT. EVER.
9(18.4%)
Guys, I have NEVER DONE THAT. I'm serious. I'm just asking.
bullshit.
8(16.7%)
she is SUCH A LIAR.
3(6.2%)
whatever, she makes a point of eating beans, bran muffins, and a pot of coffee before heading out.
8(16.7%)
she is a lady, and you guys are just being mean.
9(18.8%)
I don't understand what we're talking about here.
1(2.1%)
Today I hope to get my whole bathroom repainted. A few years ago I ripped off all the original vinyl wallpaper (VINYL WALLPAPER. Let that sink in for a minute. Okay, keep reading) that was teal and pink and GOLD (what where they thinking??) and painted the bathroom a lovely, earthy green. I'm into earthy, spicy colors. Except for how I'm not anymore. Cool, cool, sleek, and blue, that's what I want now. Also, the earthy green has just enough yellow in it that it's REALLY unattractive when looking in a mirror. (First person to say that's not the wall color, that's the person in the mirror gets a thump.) I've got this really pretty frosty blue (a deeper Tiffany blue, but not as blue as a bluebonnet. I'll post pictures.) I've got dark wood accents, and white trim in there, with some tan to boot. Pretty. One day we'll rip out the ugly cabinets and the stupid shower that was poorly built and I'll have something like these: check out these waterfall bathtubs!! I like the last one the best. Or these vanities! Everything in our bedroom is wall mounted now, with the exception of our bed. I LOVE it. Vacuuming under furniture? Awesome. (I have four pets.) The top one is also gorgeous. Mmm, wood grain. Check out this shower! With the exception of the stool, I love everything in there.
In completely unrelated news, I watched Eastern Promises this weekend. Viggo Mortenson continues to amaze me both as an actor, and as a woman. Good god, that man makes me tingly in my naughty no nos. He needs to be a greasy Russian mob man covered in tattoos all the time, Y/Y?
- Spock is::
bouncy
'Oos dis bint, then?
stoney321- Laura Stone
- Hey, Don't Judge Me
Comments
::covets::
(I'll never have one, either, but I WANTS IT, Precious, I wants it!)
Strangely, I have only farted with one massage practitioner, and it's happened more than once. (I say a meek little "scuse me" and drift off again.) I have only worn underwear regularly with one practitioner -- same therapist -- coincidence? Or cause and effect? And the underwear thing was because he's a guy, and working at the gym at my former employer.
Worst massage ever: went with a half price coupon to a therapist whose storefront was NEXT TO A BAR. She YAPPED THE WHOLE TIME. And was A SPITTER. Ew. And she used BABY OIL. There was nothing not bad about that massage.
Edited at 2008-12-09 03:23 pm (UTC)
WHAT THE HELL WITH THAT BAD MASSEUER??!? I would have been so frustrated - shut up, woman, and RUB ME. Baby oil? Oh, woe. That's a terrible tiime, I'm sad on your behalf!
I've never let 'er rip either, but man, there have been times where I'm just red-faced and clenched wondering what the hell is wrong with me... ;)
He's an amazing actor for so many reasons, but to think of him taking TWO DAYS to fight naked, knowing that people like us would be... riveted? The man has balls. Ahahaha. Ahem.
Yay for a snore free good night sleep \o/
Oh my goodness, I am SO HAPPY with the Mister, I can't even. I've been miserable for two weeks with his snoring! If I only knew that he needed to be threatened with sleeping outside, I would have jumped on that sooner. :D
I was trying to remember the crossdressing scene for about a full minute before I realized I had read this question wrong.
Clearly I need more sleep.
I think he's one of the men that are too rugged to make a pretty woman, as well. Not that I'm bothered by that, mind. :D
*pulls back your covers, fluffs your pillows*
Many moons ago when I was deep in the throes of LoTR swoonage, a graphic designer friend of mine photoshopped a pic of me wearing my wedding dress into a promotional poster image for Return of the King. It featured Viggo wielding his sword (cough) and me grinning like a loon in the background clutching a bouquet of flowers. Good times.
And seriously, he's just an amazing actor. He took it upon himself to get on a bike and tool around the mountains in the Ukraine and Russia to get a feel for how those guys really are. No translator, nothing. I love him.
When I clicked on that last one, my brain tried to parse the banner at the top as saying "Where yo new products at". Wtf, brain?
I like spicy, earthy colors. One of the houses I stayed in on the campaign this year had the most amazing bathroom - the problem was the sink was much more pretty than functional (trickling faucet, shallow bowl) and the shower floor was these very attractive stones but they were sort of not what I wanted to cope with first thing in the morning.
Eastern Promises is amazing. Viggo Mortenson is one of those actors I am constantly just blown away by.
What other actors are you super impressed by?
I've been a "womb" house person for years. Brick reds, curry, golds, dark browns... Now I'm all about clean glass, clutter free surfaces, natural woods, and blues/cooling/calming colors. Incidentally, only my bedroom and my bathroom are those colors. Everything else is still spicy. Baby steps...
Other actors? Def. Cate Blanchett (natch) and Kate Winslet for starters. I'm a HUGE Alec Baldwin fan. The man is disgustingly talented.
Okay, I want specifics on that anti-snoring threat. Last night I resorted to elbow jabs and finally rolling the much-bigger-than-me man onto his side while muttering things like "Nuh-uh!" and "Oh, hell no!" I managed to pin him there a while and he stopped, but Jesus Louise, dude. I'm ready for a white noise machine.
Mmmmm, Viggo. *wanders off to happy place* Do you think he snores?
Edited at 2008-12-09 04:16 pm (UTC)
If I can get Viggo to snore in bed with me, that meant I wore his ass out, which means I wouldn't care. :D
But I did fart the fart of a thousand trombones when I visited my gastrointestinal specialist 10 years ago. I had all this gas around my intestines from a leaking ulcer (pretty) and she gave me this nasty orange drink (barium, I think. Tasted like Tang and old lady pee). Then she politely excused herself.
"I'll be back in thirty minutes to check on you."
"Why 30 minutes?"
"Um...you may experience a need to...release."
I was confused, she left. Well, the rumbly in my tumbly began almost instantly and I ran to the bathroom and pooped until I could no longer poop. I figured I was done, but I wasn't, Laura. I wasn't. She comes back in (meanwhile, she is my friend Jeremy's mother. Their family photo is on her desk table.) and I'm smiling at her, telling her how much better I feel, when my bottom highly disagrees with my statement and I farted so loud the vinyl seat beneath me squeaked. I swear, I've never farted that long or that loud in my life and she just stares at me, through the whole thing, because it is still going. I am STILL FARTING, long enough for us to avert our eyes from one another until the damn thing stops.
Then she says, "Well, I guess we saw that coming considering how much gas was trapped in there."
I GUESS! I was mortified and any chance I might have had of having sex with Jeremy was ruined. Because I'm sure she told him everything.
Beth, I would have started crying, most likely. Do we need to go to Frys tomorrow? Maybe have a sammich and lunch or something?
But one of the lawyers in my office is giving office space for a client who's testing to be a massage therapist so she can do her test here, and we get free massages for that. I am psyched.
Those bathroom things look really fancy and expensive. I would be terrified of using them in case I broke them. o_o
Oh, no! Don't be scared of beauty! The nice thing about high end fixtures is that they are all well made and can take a licking. I just want that sunken waterfall tub, so lovely!
And oh those showers and such are pretty *wants* lol.
Aren't those bathrooms gorgeous?? I want one! *grabby hands*
We had vinyl wall paper in our kitchen. It was covered with blue flowers and milk jugs. Ick cubed. At least it came off in sheets with just wate, revealing purple and orange flowered paper beneath. That took two weeks to scrape down to the wall. My biceps looked great!
Oh, I would have hated that paper, too! Nothing bugs me more than a "literal translation" of a room. Sailboats in a bathroom (or something else nautical) or roosters and cannisters on wallpaper, that sort of thing. Bleh.
TWO layers of wallpaper?! Good hell, that's a load of work. I bet it's so much nicer now that you have your design in there!
How can I make your friend Cherie love me? That is FANTASTIC. You need to take advantage of that, yes ma'am. It's SNOWING there?!? Holy crap! That is totally stew weather! We're having chili tonight, so maybe your cold will filter this way, too.