bouncyOh, I meant to link to this yesterday, but with one thing and another, I didn't. For those of you that like RPF (and given the amount I've written back in the day, I will not judge you.) there's a newsletter for all your RPF needs, the appropriately titled
handbasketnews. Incidentally, I don't want to hear about your moral repugnance to RPF. You don't need to feel like I need to know all about how that's the ONLY stuff you like to read, either. Like clean air, Coke Zero, and nuns, it just exists whether or not you approve or disapprove, you know'm sayin? The comm is run by some ladies that know good fic, I will say, so you'll find a plethora of well-written fics.I wanna change gears, though, and offer a poll, a poll of such importance, you will hurt my feelings if you don't take it. I call it the "Do you poot while getting a massage?" poll.
I ______ massages.
love
32(59.3%)
like
6(11.1%)
don't like
0(0.0%)
give
2(3.7%)
hate with a fiery passion to get or give
1(1.9%)
have never had a
3(5.6%)
I make a point of going to the bathroom before a massage.
true
32(61.5%)
false
0(0.0%)
you're supposed to do that?
20(38.5%)
My state of undress for a massage is:
down to my skivvies, I'm no perv!
6(12.2%)
bra off and britches on
26(53.1%)
slither into those sheets naked as a jaybird, baby!
15(30.6%)
I remain fully clothed so that I may honor my God.
1(2.0%)
For some reason I get naked, but wear my "massage sweater" and boots. It's a thing.
0(0.0%)
I have never:
felt ticklish.
4(9.1%)
told them I felt ticklish.
9(20.5%)
told them harder.
4(9.1%)
told them too hard.
11(25.0%)
had a massage that wasn't exactly what I wanted.
3(6.8%)
I like it:
rough and tough.
2(4.0%)
gentle as the rain.
3(6.0%)
Swedish.
10(20.0%)
Svenish. (No ladies, pls.)
0(0.0%)
deep tissue - if I'm not staggering out there, it's as if we shouldn't have wasted our time.
3(6.0%)
that poky finger-jab type. Because I'm sick and wrong in the head, evidently.
0(0.0%)
flowy, trippy, earthy, with the stink of Patchoulie in the air.
1(2.0%)
hot stone'd.
4(8.0%)
Back to that bathroom question...
I have never farted on a massage table.
28(57.1%)
as soon as I get under the sheet, I immediately let 'er rip.
2(4.1%)
I clench the entire time, trying to keep a toot in. (I'm mannered, is what I'm saying.)
10(20.4%)
I wait until the masseur is at the other end and let one squeak out.
3(6.1%)
I pretend nothing is happening, even though the sheet is vibrating like I've got a fan on under here.
1(2.0%)
Do you think they (the masseur)
have seen it all? Or rather, isn't bothered?
17(34.7%)
Bothered, but knows you're "relaxing?"
3(6.1%)
totally grossed out and writing a note in your file for everyone to read later?
4(8.2%)
sees it as a compliment? Like how in some countries, a burp is praise? Or something?
1(2.0%)
probably this is all in your head, Stoney, not to say that Stoney has EVER DONE THAT. EVER.
9(18.4%)
Guys, I have NEVER DONE THAT. I'm serious. I'm just asking.
bullshit.
8(16.7%)
she is SUCH A LIAR.
3(6.2%)
whatever, she makes a point of eating beans, bran muffins, and a pot of coffee before heading out.
8(16.7%)
she is a lady, and you guys are just being mean.
9(18.8%)
I don't understand what we're talking about here.
1(2.1%)
Today I hope to get my whole bathroom repainted. A few years ago I ripped off all the original vinyl wallpaper (VINYL WALLPAPER. Let that sink in for a minute. Okay, keep reading) that was teal and pink and GOLD (what where they thinking??) and painted the bathroom a lovely, earthy green. I'm into earthy, spicy colors. Except for how I'm not anymore. Cool, cool, sleek, and blue, that's what I want now. Also, the earthy green has just enough yellow in it that it's REALLY unattractive when looking in a mirror. (First person to say that's not the wall color, that's the person in the mirror gets a thump.) I've got this really pretty frosty blue (a deeper Tiffany blue, but not as blue as a bluebonnet. I'll post pictures.) I've got dark wood accents, and white trim in there, with some tan to boot. Pretty. One day we'll rip out the ugly cabinets and the stupid shower that was poorly built and I'll have something like these: check out these waterfall bathtubs!! I like the last one the best. Or these vanities! Everything in our bedroom is wall mounted now, with the exception of our bed. I LOVE it. Vacuuming under furniture? Awesome. (I have four pets.) The top one is also gorgeous. Mmm, wood grain. Check out this shower! With the exception of the stool, I love everything in there.
In completely unrelated news, I watched Eastern Promises this weekend. Viggo Mortenson continues to amaze me both as an actor, and as a woman. Good god, that man makes me tingly in my naughty no nos. He needs to be a greasy Russian mob man covered in tattoos all the time, Y/Y?
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