Have you heard the one about the woman who knitted and felted Bella's uterus, complete with a little felted baby Renesmee, and then tied up the whole thing with a ribbon for extra WTFery? And the explanation of the color scheme is not to be missed either: "The inside of the belly is all black because Renesmee was such a mystery and was hiding. There is red for the Edward since he's a vampire and nothing shiny I had would felt. 8-P. Bits of brown in there for Jacob because he's part of Bella (even before imprinting) as much as her baby."

I don't know if that will make your day better or worse.

I hate riding a bike (I'm a walker), but I want that awesome bike.

I got a 12 on the aptitude test.

Squish Squash is the best bastardization of Sasquatch ever.

Oh great, here I was settling in for another boring day of work - pretty well resigned to do a good job of it, too - and now all I want to do is hop on a plane. Doesn't even matter where it's going, either, so long as I'm traveling and meeting people and seeing someplace new.

So no story for you!

(Though I will say I thought of you last week-end when my daughter came across the Bunnies do Twilight in 30 seconds cartoon. We're of the mind that the Brokeback Mountain cartoon was better, but it made us laugh nevertheless.)

I also am the James Dean of nerds. I obviously need to get some Linux tshirts to correct this problem.

I was being SO SUPERIOR to that geek test until I got here 38. I am a very active member of a private, invite-only BitTorrent tracker with extremely strict ratio/bitrate requirements. if I'm on more than one, that's probably multiple points, I guess.

I will tell you a story:

When I was a kid I lived in a town that was only accessible to the north by backroads, there was no interstate or highway, just two lane county roads. You had to know where you were going to get there if you came from anywhere but 1-10, and why anyone would be looking for my hometown anyway is unknown to me (maybe they would get really lost and need something to eat or they think the whole county is denuded of people so they would be enjoying the scenery and accidentally stumble on the town).

I grew up two blocks from the bay on a street that was still brick when I was a kid. We got milk and Coca Cola delivery. This was in a time after humanity had been to the moon, after the Oil Crisis, after cable television and greed was good. My road ended in a boat launch into the bay. This wasn't a rural location. It was in the oldest settled part of my town. The part of the bay by my home was called Texar and called a bayou. The main road that bisected my neighborhood was named Cervantes. My family had been in this town since people spoke the language that gifted my town with these names. This was before people spoke English there in a predominant way.

When I was young my grandfather would take me and the other kids to the end of our street to swim in the bay he had swum in as child. It was the same bay his father, his grandfather, his greatgrandfather and back back back back until people wore hats with feathers had swum in. I learned to swim in that bayou the same as everyone else who shared my nose of eyebrows or particular vocal inflection.

When I was very small a hurricane came and the bayou rose so high that our houses flooded. The wind was so strong that a magnolia tree that some person who lived very long ago and might have been the person I can thank for my curly hair or my dark eyes planted blew onto our roof. That night my family lit candles and bailed the water while laughing and telling stories of other storms.

When I was about ten, I was in a boat made of thin metal with my grandfather in this bayou and a log popped its head above water and eyed me. This log was called an alligator and my grandfather warned me it was bigger than our boat so not to agitate him. I looked at the gator-log and thought of all the times I'd swum right where it floated. I wasn't scared, just curious how many times I'd swum by him and never known he was there. I wondered how many alligators had lived next door to me and all my family for generation after generation and how we we kind of the same, this alligator and me: this was our home and where we belonged.

Whenever I'm in Spain visiting my Anna I have this urge to rip up the return ticket, apply for a SSN (or whatever they have their) and start a family with her. Whenever I tell her about that she's all "No, no, finish your college and LEARN SPANISH first". Like I wouldn't pick it up in a month. So right there with you on the spur of the moment.

As for horror stories (hey, you guys started off with Bella), did you know there is a real striga back in my old hometown? No, seriously - a couple of years ago (I was maybe 7 or so) our friend, mister Czarnecki, found one of his horses ridden half to death and with its mane tied into knots. Nobody believed him until it happened again next week and this time I was over and he showed me the horse. What he did was the old fashioned way of chasing strigas off: he hung a mirror in the stable. Basically, strigas are so scary, that even when they themselves see their own reflection, they run away.

It worked.

Now, some of you may be saying that this must've been a practical joke by some village clown or maybe mister Czarnecki himself. And you're probably right. But on the off chance you're wrong, a small mirror doesn't seem that expensive.

Other things to watch out for in my neighbourhood: do not sleep on the side of the field at noon, do not touch stones which have hoove marks on them, do visit the rock circle on the days of solstice.

Friends just came back from Venice yesterday and I am all, "Why am I not in Venice eating frutte del mare and drinking vino right this minute?!?!" *dons oversized 60's sunglasses and a head scarf and takes off for the airport*

Damn, my passport's expired. Maybe I'll go for a bike ride.

I always have this despirate need to go get on a plane to anywhere. I take comfort in the fact that at the end of this month I'll be visiting my parents in Colorado. It's somewhere I've already seen, a lot, but it's better than nothing you know?

imadeyouabeard.blogspot.com

I saw this site and thought of you. ^__^ Not to mention, the comic wondermark.com is excellent and has a 'famous beards' poster in its shop.

As for stories... just now I heard someone out front of my apartment building, singing as they rummage through the dumpster. I was confused for a moment because when I hear singing outside, it's usually night, and the singing is loud and clear. I always go to check, and a young man with a guitar on his back will be walking down the street, maybe heading into town, but most likely returning. I don't know anything else about him, but it always makes me grin. It's such a pleasant addition to this semi-chaotic downtown neighborhood. :D

Now that is one awesome bike! :-D I would love to have one to!

Also, creepy kids R creepy. I don't know what it is with that trailer, but I get the feeling it ain't ending in a good way for those kids. :-P

I only scored 6... I doubt I'm really a geek. *sadface*