Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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Random last minute stuff before signing off for a week or so

1. I've been pretending that there are fwoomp tubes (technically called pneumatic tubes, but I prefer my moniker) that shoot food to those I love (or ME, which technically falls in the same category, har) and THERE USED TO BE FOOD FWOOMP TUBES! Oh, Science, why can't we go back to the glory days?!
2. If you have a "bucket list," you're going to need to get everything crossed off by September because Tom Hanks will be flipping the power switch to Cern's Large Hadron Collider. This has a Steven Spielberg disaster movie written all over it. We're going to need a bigger boat earth. I don't have too many problems with ol' Hanks, but... why him? Why not, say, the awesome Honda Robot to signify the taking over of earth by Cyberdyne's renegade machines the wave of the future? And now I have "Kick boxing? Sport of the future?" in my head, which isn't a bad thing. This is my brain on drugs. Drugs = oatmeal and coffee.
3. I am getting everything organized before my surgery on Monday morning as a) my husband will be out of town on business b) there are many things going on with the kids and c) my sister is coming up to take care of things for a few days while I ride the white pony. I mean, while I recoup.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not having "medically necessary nasal surgery," I'm going to rehab. All that coke did its number on me.* Plus, I'm getting elective plastic surgery. Things I'm getting tweaked:

  • breast implants, but for my shoulder blades. I'll never need a pillow again!
  • knife inserts under my fingernails - not for fighting evil, but for package/mail opening ease
  • a sympathy ridge between my eyes - I won't have to actually care about things, but I'll look like I care. [taps temple] Time saver de-luxe.
  • tracheotomy - I wanna scare my kids straight about smoking. I'll have to take up smoking, but it'll be worth it, right?
  • liposuction, but only on the backs of my knees. If you can't see the veins when the swelling has gone down, then I won't feel thin.
  • extra liver so I can drink more. Party at my place, whooo!
  • dental implants in the form of saber-teeth. I'm bringing it back Pleistocene style!

Feel free to offer up suggestions for body additions/subtractions while I'm getting everything for the low low rate of my after deductible costs. :D After today I'll be radio silent for a while, so if any of you are coming over here from my Twilight posts (there's been a rash of comments there again) I don't care that you love those books. Go crazy nuts. Just not here. :)

* I am being sarcastic.

[ETA] I think I'm going to ask for the Jocelyn Widlenstein treatment, but I'll ask for a bull dog's mug so she and I can fight on Pay Per View!
Tags: awwwwwspam!, oh em gee, stoney doesn't suck, to do
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