Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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That's it.

i am NOT going out in this kind of wind any more. No, really. I had to stop THREE TIMES to catch my breath and keep my gorge down, I was working so hard just to keep moving. I've been hitting a solid 9 minute mile (walking) and today that was shot to hell. Well, about 10 minute miles today. Nonetheless, I came back cranky and fussy and starving so I just polished off a homemade McMuffin (two egg whites, slice of cheese, toasted whole wheat English muffin, mmmm) and washed it down with some cold apple juice and I'm starting to feel less homicidal. But seriously, yoga, squats, sit ups, napping, Olympic level channel flipping... all to be done in my house and all not out in the horrid wind. You may have gotten the best of me today, wind, but I'll harness you to bend to my will yet!!

I need to figure out what to cook for Zombie!Jesus day, and everything must have a reanimated theme. Twice-cooked potatoes would work, rare lamb... Hmm. Feel free to link me to any and all zombie-themed recipes you may have. :D

Speaking of, I link to this next thing every year, but this year I'm re-working the lyrics slightly and posting it under the cut.

Easter! (Sung to the tune of Michael Jackson's Thriller.)

It's close to three days and something holey's lurking in the cave
Under the moonlight - without his death no sinners can be saved
The Sadducees - they claimed eternal life to be forsaken
The Pharisees - the jots and tittles scales over their eyes -
He will arise!

'Cause He has risen! Easter Morn'!
And nothing's gonna save Judas from swingin' from a Rowan
Yes, He has risen! Easter Morn'!
He's gonna take ya soul - eternal - ever - lastin' Glory!

You hear the boulder slam (bam!) and realize there's nothing left inside
You feel the cooold linen and wonder was he really God's Only Pride?
You close your eyes and pray that this is just imagination (yeah!)
But all the while - you're thinkin' of Moeshe, Coen and Schlomo -
You've been a ho! (oh no!)

'Cause He has risen! Easter Morn'!
There ain't no second chance from He who fasted forty nights girl! (hooo! hooo!)
'Cause He has risen! Easter Morn'!
There ain't Eternal Life for a killer - sinner - unborn!

Legions will crawl
And Lazarus will walk with resurrection...
There's no escaping the reanimated Rabboni
He says you won't die
Echo: He says that you will not die.... (hoo!)

They're out to get you - evangelists surround your every side
They will possess you, "The Watchtower" - your actions it will chide
Now is the time - for atheists to bond so close together
The Born Agains - they won't accept that some do not Believe
They'll make you see!

That He is Risen! Easter Morn'!
And He can save you more than any Buddha'd ever dare try! (Hooooo! Hooo!)
'Cause He is Risen! Easter Morn'!
So let them dunk you down into a river, bathtub tonight!

(Vincent Price "rap")
Darkness falls across the land
The nine inch nails driven in His hands
Soldiers pierce in search of blood
To prove His life now is mud
And whosoever played not nice
And denied Himself not once but thrice
Must stand and face the public's scorn
And live their life most forlorn
The foulest stench was in the air
The funk of two thieves not giv'n care
He shambled out of sepulchre gloom
To seal the fate of sinner's doom
And though you fight for your own life
He wonders, "Goest thou... wither?"
For no mere mortal can do without
Zombie!Jesus - Eternal Life Giver!

(maniacal laughter, echoes out)

In my mind, when I make a real-action video to this, the apostles will do the shamble/slide/overhead clap dance and Peter will bite the head off a rooster before it can crow three times. And Jesus, his hands still bleeding, his head still mangled from the crown of thorns, has a kind of crazed look in his eye as he laughs, "Goest thou...wither?"

But that's just how I roll. :D Blasphemy FTW!

I'm making pumpkin muffins today even though what I WANT is chocolate. I am completely surrounded by a lack of chocolate, however. WTH? I should buy up all the leftover Easter candy on Monday....
Tags: waaaah, wind: i hate you, zombies
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