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Last week I drove down to Austin, met up with my new friend (the one with the pool and brains) and took her to see a screening of Blood on the Highway, a fabulous movie that I'm in. Howls of laughter. She passed the test. ;) If she didn't think that movie was funny, I would have had to put her on the bench. Whew! Smart, sassy, non religious right folks can be hard to find in my little neighborhood. (Um, the key word there is SMART. There are lefties/centrists around here, but they're into Jeff Foxworthy. Enough said.)

I finally watched a movie that had been pimped by so many of you on my flist and I have to say, Meh and a bit of a harsh frowny face, too. [i am not judging people who like it/got something out of it. I just have issues with it.]

Cannibal Holocaust.

Now, a) I love cannibal stories. Not in the \o/ yay! way, just... it's one of the last taboos that I really think is taboo. Who isn't morbidly fascinated by the evils that man can get up to? And b) I love gory horror movies. I love to laugh and squirm at the awfulness. Like the scene in Hostel (here's my 15mm of Hostel) when the guy's Achiles heel gets sliced. GAH. Awesomely awful. I'm over the whole torture porn genre, I will say. No Saws, no sequels to Hostel, thanks.

So first off, the movie is Spaghetti Horror. Horrid film stock (yeah it was the early 80s. See: Blade Runner and notice the beauty) absolutely BIZARRE music choices (it took days to get that "love song" out of my head. Um, more on that in a minute) and a whole lotta rape. Girls, guys, but mostly girls. Ah, the nostalgic days of film where women are objects of men's lust. Yeah, yeah, "horror" film, but still. It's GRAPHIC.

Also, I had NO IDEA that ACTUAL animals were killed for the movie. REAL animals. And they filmed it. And it serves no purpose whatsoever for the story. And when I say killed, I mean brutalized. That would have been good to know going in. I'm not the kind that covers her face during scary scenes, but you can sure as shooting bet that I covered my face during a sea turtle's evisceration. Sad face times a MILLION. Or the monkey being decapitated. What the HELL, guys? And then it turns out there's an "Animal Cruelty-Free" way to watch it, which also would have been nice to know before hand.

Plot: 4 douchebags that want to get filthy rich making a documentary about Amazonian cannibals (hahahahahha. Um, Not even Michael Moore is filthy rich. That's the least profitable genre of film, dummies) drop in and find one tribe, terrorize them, watch them rape an "adulterer" and that was seriously disturbing, they decide to rape some wandering woman, burn down the villagers huts to show their White Power (no, really) and finally stumble on the Tree People, the elusive hard core cannibals. And watch them rape someone (one of the douchebag film makers gets raped, gets his dong cut off, then is dismembered) and one by one, each of the film makers is systematically raped and dismembered and eaten while the cameras keep rolling.

This is all interspersed with scenes back in the Real World of an anthropologist that goes looking for them and finds their remains and film canisters. Uh huh. And of course, Big Hollywood wants to make a movie out of this, because it's awesome! Until they see the white people being raped and beaten, then they are horrified. The movie was "so realistic" that the film maker (the real one, not the movie film maker/anthropologist) had to go to COURT and prove that the cast was still alive. Really? I have to say, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre which came out almost a decade prior did a far better job of seeming like a real event. And that movie is actually NOT BLOODY AT ALL. Just terrifying. That's how you make a horror movie and save the cost of fake blood.

Any way, the movie had this random love song that would play when people were being killed or raped. There were two songs. TWO. Just a lot of silence, then BAM someone thumped the Real to Reel (wow, did I date myself with that reference) and the music kicked on. One scene was pretty cool, from a horror standpoint. The "documentarians" come across an elderly woman that has taken herself out of the tribe to die. She's lying on the beach waiting for death, meanwhile, her body is being ravaged by parasites, etc. Totally grody and looks completely believable. That's pretty much the only thing worth seeing in the whole movie (again, from a horror movie standpoint.)

The most offensive parts (and anyone that knows me in real life knows that I just don't get offended. No, really. No, really.)

  • Gratuitous rape for male titillation. Grow up, boys. Debasing women to be your horror kink is done, move on. (Notice how female filmmakers haven't even turned the tables on you? Seriously: MOVE. ON. It's so 12 years old trying to act bad ass.) Not to mention that as an actress, I'm horrified by the thought of PERFORMING a scene like that. And btw, I wouldn't. No matter how much money, there is NO WAY I'd do it. Period.

  • Gratuitous animal abuse. I read about one of the actors involved in the turtle scene crying afterward, and another one throwing up. Sometimes it's okay to back out of a job, guys.

  • Gratuitous Big White Hope/Poor Dark Peoples themes. The "natives" are such caricatures of "early" humanity, it's almost despicable. They only think/act in base manners (food, fire, fuck.) They wave their hands, they shriek, they act in total chaos, nicely juxtaposed by the erudite and civilized White People. Oh, the anthropologist scenes are all shot in NYC, as if to say, "Which is the uncivilized jungle??" but that's so thin it doesn't hold water.

This movie spawned an entire cannibal genre, and the director of this movie made a few more that were THE EXACT SAME THING, just different actors. I like how he said in an interview that he truly regretted even making this movie (because of the trouble it caused him, no doubt, not because he debased women and killed animals) and yet he made more movies that were the EXACT SAME THING. Uh huh.

The best part of the whole thing was the Grindhouse intro. It made me want to go watch Planet Terror. Damn, I love you Robert Rodriguez.

Final verdict: skip it. It doesn't hold up to the test of time AT ALL. Go see Texas Chainsaw Massacre for a proper fright fest and to see something that looks like it's really happening.

Books: I loved Pump Six by Paolo Bacugalupi so much that I'm RE-READING it. Like, I finished it and turned back to page 1. I don't know when I've ever done that with a book that wasn't Anne of Green Gables. If you are fascinated by eco-terrorism, by corporate farming, by any environmental issues plus you love post-apocalypse stories with some future tech thrown in, I just can't recommend this enough. Hell, even if you're not into that stuff, you need to read this. Awesome food for thought on where we're headed as a species, but it doesn't beat you over the head with morality at all. Even better.

For those of you with tweens to teens (or if you love fun YA books) you have to pick up j user="oatmellow">'s book Bite Me! Fun vampire in high school story with a mystery thrown in. It starts off with the protagonist having to break up with her boyfriend because he's becoming her step-brother. I mean, what's not to love here? I read it and passed it off to my daughter, and she's telling her friends to go buy it (because let's face it: we all need to support book buying since so many of us are either writers or wanna be writers, right?) Cute, fun story and it's getting great reviews. Plus, it's going to be a short series!

Next up: Brooklyn and The Wilderness, the last on rec from swmbo. Thoughts? Comments?

Birthday! Mine is coming up, but my Emily's is the day before mine. <3 She's my early birthday present. We're going to have a combo birthday party this year and she and decided to make a Charlie the Unicorn cake, banana coconut flavor. There will be pictures. CANNOT WAIT. It's even going to have the "oh my god, they stole my freakin' kidney!" stitches. LOL. And on my actual birthday, I will be jumping out of a perfectly good plane on a tandem sky dive jump. DUDE. They're giving me champagne afterwards, and also a video during the jump, and loads of pictures, too. Those will be forthcoming. \o/

And lastly, storage! I've moved in to Ikea, apparently.

OH, APOCALYPSE, when you come I will be ready with my awesome GORM storage filled with dry goods. If only I could swap out my washer and dryer for a stackable one, I could more than double my food storage. Look, guys: you can take the girl out of the Mormon church, but you can't take (all) of the Mormon church out of the girl. 2 year supply of food and water is and has always been my goal. I figure I've got a good 8-9 months right now. Well, maybe less on flour, because I always buy that fresh. I need to get an additional paint bucket for flour. (Best airtight giant storage you can buy, AND they're 5 bucks at Home Depot. Nice.) If I had my druthers, the entire pantry would be filled with these beauties so I could properly stack all of the food. (I currently have pasta, chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, and baking soda in them.)

So for those of you not in the know, Mormons believe in food storage because ultimately they are an End of Days religion and we need to be able to whip up a blueberry crumble and tater-tot casserole while the earth dies all around us in a ball of fire. Idle hands, tools of the devil, or summat. Literally we were taught to have 2 years of savings, food, water, generator power to support the WHOLE FAMILY In Case of Badness. Now, that's actually a good practice in some respects. Say you lost your job (not unlikely these days, unfortunately) and you have food to eat while no money comes in, and then you have all of that savings in the bank to live off of. Smart. Hard to do, but smart.

Growing up, my favorite things EVER were to go to my grandma's house and my aunt's house. They had mini groceries in their basements. My grandma's basement, stone walls built in 1917 was the entire floor under the house's footprint. All storage and laundry room. Along one whole wall were the freezers, mostly filled with Uncle Ernie's homemade apple cider. Oh good lord, that is the best tasting stuff on earth. She'd keep her milk jugs, wash them out and send them to her son, who would fill them with cider. Grandma would freeze them and on a summer day, set one frozen jug out on the back porch, let it get slushy, and then I'd drink the whole thing. :D Glah, so grood.

My aunt, however... She had 6 kids, so she had a MASSIVE storage room. It's the size of my living room, floor to ceiling shelves four rows deep, completely filled with canned vegetables and fruits from her garden, huge bins of flour, sugar, salt, rice, 5 gallon paint buckets of milk chocolate and semi-sweet chocolate chips (you never know, zombies might be swayed with Tollhouse, it could happen) box after box of cereal, 50 gallon drums of water, on and on. you could bake/cook anything at any time. Every ingredient needed was down stairs in the food cellar. Now, I say anything, but anything that can be baked into an overly sweet dessert or a casserole, because that's how Mormons eat. :) Weren't no foie gras or turducken in that freezer. Lol.

I DREAM of having that. Plus a 1,000 bottle wine room. Ha ha.

Later today I'm heading out to find a spice rack that is the expandable stair-stepped shelf. Can you believe that those are nigh-on impossible to find? They're either all sold out, or not carried. WTH? Oh, and I need to get a little solar powered night light for the litter box because my Siamese is scared of the dark and won't poop in the litter pan without light. And now the litter pan is stored under the GORM which pleases me greatly (a place for everything and everything in its place!!) but scares her because she's a dork.

I will totally take pictures and post them for anyone that wants to geek out over storage space with me. SURELY there's one of you out there. Just me? (I might have a heart attack and fall into a coma if I'm ever allowed to re-do my kitchen with those handy-dandy drawers that have all of the fabulous dividers so everything has a place AND the drawers have those anti-slam features!! GAH, WANT. ME GUSTA MUCHO!)

Oh, crap, one last thing. Who watched The Colbert Report last night? And how many of you thought of that internet wank when he mentioned the man who... loved a horse? ME, TOO. Aw, that makes me want to go back and finish Stallioncrest, lol. Whatever, haters, that's some of the funniest stuff I've ever written. :D)


( 43 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 4th, 2009 01:55 pm (UTC)


I got nothing. BUT LOVE.
Aug. 4th, 2009 01:59 pm (UTC)
HI BB!! Check your journal because I JUST sent you some, too! <3
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Aug. 4th, 2009 02:27 pm (UTC)
SKYDIVING. I've wanted to do that since I was a teenager. CANNOT WAIT!!!!!

Mmm, blueberry muffins. We had blueberry buckwheat pancakes on Sunday. YUM. And remember if you put a few shakes of chili powder over your tater tots, ground beef, and velvetta you can call it a Mexican dish! o_0

Good time in Austin! Late night in Austin, but fun. I cannot wait to see the cake, too! I have the horse/baby horse cake pans from Ikea. The baby horses will be the evil unicorn buddies of Charlie's. :D
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Aug. 4th, 2009 02:36 pm (UTC)
*lusts over the Raritet*

Oh, man. I really want more room for food storage. *dreams*
Aug. 4th, 2009 02:41 pm (UTC)
I knew you would be on board with that topic!! Oh my gosh, I have walked into my storage/laundry room three times this morning, just admiring the space. One day I will have even more. MOAR!!

God, I love Ikea. I love how you make make stuff fit around other things for BAM! more space. \o/
Aug. 4th, 2009 03:39 pm (UTC)
Too many things to comment on, Stoney! Let's just say:

- Charrrrrlieeeeeeee!
- I don't know about zombies, but *I'm* swayed by Tollhouse.
- If God wanted us to jump out of planes, we'd all be born at 30,000 feet. ::faints on your behalf::
- I watched "Knowing" last night, and that was horrifying enough for me. Not the natural disasters, Nic Cage. Give it up, buddy.
Aug. 4th, 2009 03:42 pm (UTC)
Hi Posh!! I never heard back from you re:your book so if you got everything you needed on that, GOOD LUCK with continuing submitting. (Like how I'm cheering you on all subliminally? Don't give up!)

How awesome are Tollhouse cookies?? I love them. Speaking of, I need to buy more oatmeal - I love adding a cup to the dough. MMMMM hearty goodness. ("Feel me up wth your sweet sugary goodness, Candy mountain Charlieeee!")

LOVE TO YOU, TOO sugar beet!
Aug. 4th, 2009 03:40 pm (UTC)
Sadly, I have a 1500 bottle wine room, but not much wine to put/keep in it. Weird, we built a wine cellar, and before that, people were always giving us wine. Now, in the 5 years since we have had it, I can count on one hand the number of bottles of wine that have been given to us!

Oh, and I can't watch that kind of stuff (the cannibal movie), my ex was always trying to get me to watch Faces of Death, but I just can't stand to see that kind of suffering, if it is real. Glad for the warning.
Aug. 4th, 2009 03:43 pm (UTC)
!!! If I could find a magic wand, I would magic that wine cellar/room to my place! :D

Yeah, there is NO REASON for anyone today to watch that movie. It doesn't really even have the "hilarity/I can't believe they did that" aspect to it. Just rotten and a little dumb.
Aug. 4th, 2009 04:34 pm (UTC)
Big Hollywood wants to make a movie out of this, because it's awesome! Until they see the white people being raped and beaten, then they are horrified.
actually, I thought they were horrified when they saw more of what the White People were doing, either for "fun" (hey, no "civilized" people here to watch!) or to get a shot (the burning of the village to get the right shot of the frightened villagers).
I don't know, I had come right out of an anthropological film class before seeing the movie, and it was like all the stories about unsavory filmmakers and warnings about improper filmmaking pushed to extreme.

sorry for reccing it to you. Here's a little something better:

ooh, I'll try and find Pump Six.

now I want homemade apple cider
Aug. 4th, 2009 05:00 pm (UTC)
Well, they walked out in a huff and ordered the "footage" to be burned after seeing the white people's demise. Like that was the final straw, the raping of the first dude and the girl. (GAH.) IDK, I know documentarians, and this was just gratuitous guy fantasy for ripping up bodies and raping whomenever they wanted wrapped in a Tarzan fantasy, imo.

BUT! You weren't the only one that recced it, I've been hearing about this for some time. And hey, it's not like you MADE it. :D

BUT! PART TWO! KITTEHS. Oh my goodness, the little sleepy one is killing me. SO SLEEPY. <3 <3 <3 And the eyes on the Scottish Fold are sucking me in...

The book is FABULOUS. And I wish I had some homemade cider, too! Stupid Utah family being too far away...
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Aug. 4th, 2009 05:03 pm (UTC)
But I want to hear why you think it's brilliant! Just because I didn't care for the movie over all doesn't mean I'm not willing to talk to people about why they did! I think I'm having a hard time disassociating the Now Me and all I know with what people thought was acceptable in the 70s/early 80s. Like, I still can't watch 9 to 5 because of the sexual harrassment shit being a-ok, even though the ladies are fed up with it. IT'S CRAZY.

I LOVE YOU FOR YOUR LOVE OF STORAGE SPACE. Like, the Container Store and Ikea are my idea of heaven. HEAVEN!!!! (Oh, and I checked your post on Trueblood. DUDE. Double true, everything you said. Why did it only get interesting for the last five minutes?! Bah.)
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lol. It's in honor of Shark Week! - stoney321 - Aug. 4th, 2009 05:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
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Re: oh god your icon - chrryblssmninja - Aug. 5th, 2009 02:04 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 4th, 2009 07:05 pm (UTC)
Can only agree on the Cannibal Holocaust music. The 'hippie' song, as we called it then, scared us sometimes even more than the scenes it was played to. And the other one still gives me the creeps when I hear only a few seconds of it *shudder*

I was one of the people who told you to watch it, wasn't I? Anyway, sorry for wasting your time and scaring you :D
Aug. 4th, 2009 08:34 pm (UTC)
The music is so weird, right???

Don't apologize, I mean, it's not like you told me to watch Angels and Demons or National Treasure! Then I'd be after blood! ;)
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Aug. 4th, 2009 07:40 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty sure CH is still banned in the UK - we have an old but mainly respected law against filming animal cruelty (1930s I think; funny how early that became an issue). Rape was less of an issue, sad to say.

More fun: storage drool! And ***Stallioncrest***Love****!!!! We readers are few, but boy are we faithful.
Aug. 4th, 2009 08:42 pm (UTC)
I'm having a hard time deciding which upset me more, the animals or the rape. That's how bad the animal cruelty is. :(

Yay for my few fans of Stallioncrest! I hope to finish that one of these days, I really do. (Hopefully when the kids go back to school in a few weeks.) <3
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Aug. 4th, 2009 08:45 pm (UTC)
It's SUCH a relief to have a girl friend that I like so much living so close! It's been a long time... All of you that I love so much live too far away!

I got my book on Amazon for a pretty good price, if you can't find it at your local bookshop. Anne, it's FANTASTIC.

Storage! The thing that I love about Ikea is how it gives me ideas to reconfigure and discover new storage! I'm about to renovate the Harry Potter closet... *rubs hands* HI, SUGAR! Kiss those baby boys for me.
Aug. 4th, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC)
Stallioncrest! Wheeeeeeeephbltphtlbphtlb!
Aug. 4th, 2009 09:17 pm (UTC)
And it clearly will have to be updated with "Meanwhile, back at the ranch..."

What of Apple Dapple and Road Hard? What about the secret between Gringo el burro and the hard hearted upper class Top O' The Line? Ransom Paycheck? SKIDOODLE, the Irish hero?!?!?

Aug. 5th, 2009 03:01 am (UTC)
If I had money, I would hire you as my publicist.

Am so glad you enjoyed the book. email me if you would like me to send some swag to your kiddo! oatmellow@gmail.com
Aug. 5th, 2009 02:33 pm (UTC)
Hahahahaha. I would do it, too! I love seeing good reviews for your book popping up everywhere. (And I'm a big supporter in supporting my fellow writers!)

Ooooh, I may just take you up on that later today, SWEET!
Aug. 5th, 2009 03:34 am (UTC)
Large amounts of food and wine - can't see why that would make me clap my hands and go EEEeeeeee! If I win lotto I'm becoming Mormon-lite in that respect only.

The CH movie - I'm assuming that the people who made it are white men who are neo-liberals - not that I'm judging at all, snort. It's called having sociopathic tendancies and bringing a film along for the ride. It's like gonzo movies, no different. Getting off on debasement on anything considered lower than them, whether it's animals, women, children...sometimes you just end up learning more about the person behind the 'art' than from the finished product myself. Not that I've seen the film, mind. And not that I'll be seeing if either after your review. There is some input into my brain I'd rather do without - unlike chocolate biscuits.

Talking about birthdays: Post Office was going to shut in 15 minutes because it only opens until 5pm - welcome to the 3rd world, so there was a bit of a panic and rushing around - it did get sent off but think of it as part one to a two part package. :)
Aug. 5th, 2009 02:38 pm (UTC)
Oh man, this movie I'm talking about is SOOOOOOOO not your movie. Not even one scene in it would be to your tastes/liking. And I'm right there with you: this movie tells me a LOT more about the people behind it than the movie's message (which is hypocritical as the message is "look at the horrors that man gets up to, for shame!" all while reveling in the horrors that man gets up to, and with glee. Feh.

You can stick chocolate biscuits in your brain? That explains A LOT. I'm just saying.

Oh, side topic, I had a dream last night where I was in a movie and had this awesome trailer to stay in while filming and you were there acting as my publicist/drinking buddy. It was a good dream, we had fun, but I woke up before I won an Oscar...

Would you be surprised to know that our post office closes at 5:30pm? It's true! We first worlders (and who know how long we'll be able to call ourselves that) only get an extra half hour... But I am filled with GLEE and GRATITUDE that you thought of me! I'm sure I'll love it, unless it's a pair of your dirty knickers, in which case I will CHERISH it.
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Aug. 5th, 2009 09:02 am (UTC)
well, my strange obsessive-geekiness is actually with *Organiziation Objects*, which is just about the same thing as your storage-y geekness. or at least overlaps lol

see, i like drawers, and boxes with drawers. i would go absolutely in*SANE* if i were to get one of those $4,000 closet organizers that has *EVERYTHIG* built into this tiny space but somehow holds enough stuff to fill any other 10 closets that *don't* have the orginizational thingys...

i do. i buy little drawers. i have one that is 3 drawers - one drawer for pens, one for pencils, and on for things that go with pens and pencils (i.e. erasers, white out, paperclips, etc) i have this set of 5 stacked small drawers that holds all my small makeup things (liners and lipsticks and such) and another the same size over all but only 3 drawers for the bigger makeups (compacts and such) and for applications tools (different sponges and brushes and such. i did make-up for both my high school drama department and for the amateur Theater in my hometown for years. so i have all the *things* with which to apply makeup, that confuses everyone who doesn't know anything about stage makeup...)i buy trays to go in drawers to organize things. i buy smaller drawers to fit in the bigger drawers. i love drawers...

i also adore shelves. and what-nots (those shelves that are made sorta triangular so that they fit in a corner? LOVE them) i have an Etiarge (not that that is spelled correctly - pronounced, i think ET-ARG-AY) that is a wrought-iron frame with glass shelves - because shelves! and then i buy more shelves that i can put my drawers on! (i like plastic drawers, you see. those are the prefered. then put them on cheap shelves...)

sorry, done now.
Aug. 5th, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
It's an etagerie [Ee-tahg-uh-ray] and I had one for years, too! I now have a credenza for buffet plates, linens and a bar for all of my wine glasses and bottles. <3 that stuff.

I love a place for everything and everything in its place! :)
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Aug. 8th, 2009 02:13 am (UTC)
Later today I'm heading out to find a spice rack that is the expandable stair-stepped shelf. Can you believe that those are nigh-on impossible to find? They're either all sold out, or not carried. WTH?

I feel for you and hope you found one. I had a heck of time locating one for my kitchen.
Aug. 8th, 2009 12:16 pm (UTC)
I DID! Man, why was that so hard? I found two sizes of an unexpandable step-style shelf dealy (ha) at Bed, Bath and Beyond. They were white plastic with dark grey rubbed, bumpy. The shorter one fit in my narrow cabinet, and the longer one fit in the normal one. THey were... like 7 - 12 bucks, each?

I was hoping to find wood, but that's apparently a fool's dream. =P
( 43 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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