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Blood on the Highway release news!!

The fantastically inappropriate, hilarious, disgusting horror movie that I am in (with cameos by Buffy's Nicholas Brendon and the world's Tom Towles) is being made available by Time Warner Cable through their Video on Demand feature. Navigate to the "World Premiere" feature and witness the awesome that is low-budget but high-comedy horror genre gross out movie-opoloisting. (Cataloging movies is for wussies.)

As my soon-to-be brother-in-law (who 1. wrote the movie 2. plays a hilarious frat boy and 3. I have "sex" with on screen, no that wasn't awkward for my sister - the costumer - to watch, why do you ask?) wrote on his Facebook page:

See the movie Hollywood California is calling "So balls out sweet, it's like kickboxing a kickboxing shark," and Famous Acting Celebrities are declaring "The literal film equivalent to eleven simultaneous g spot orgasms."

I don't know how to top that, but I'll try:

Sophie's Choice. Citizen Kane. Casablanca. A Streetcar Named Desire. Blood on the Highway. What do all of these movies have in common? One word, and one word only: AWESOMENESS. And Russians. And wife beaters on hot dudes. Every one of those movies has all of that, and yet somehow Blood on the Highway is more. So much more. It has blood, whores, vampires, bear traps, and dick jokes. BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY: see it or get beat up by the AV squad.

Every time you see this movie a kitten keeps its claws. Every time you don't? A clown humps your mother. BLOOD ON THE HIGHWAY!*

*for more background on this kick booty movie, click the BotH tag. The movie is being released in October on Blu-ray in... France. It makes sense if you squint. Still waiting to hear the dvd release date for other countries.

ETA Do you read French? Proof that they love us. (Or that they hate us, I don't speak French.)


As of the first images, several words come to mind: “Film of pals” “Turning out of FD” “Redneck in madness” “heavy Rock'n'roll texan” “Gore which stains”. BLOOD ONE THE HIGHWAY, it a little all that, is packed with the axe, is played like feet but… a little nevertheless. Moreover, it is indeed the first time where it will be possible for you d' to hear a line of dialogue as “Which do I make here at 5 o'clock in the morning instead of me make tickle the anus by two popstars Cashmere?” in a film of vampire. Or even the very very first time in the world in n' import which type of measuring. Really. Carrie (Robin Gierhart), Sam (Nate Rubin) and Bone (Deva George - also stuntman, person in charge of the special effects and designer of the credits) benefit from one transfered in the motor until the festival of Mr. Fire (a kind of Burning Man Festival to the texanne) and arrive in the town of Fate (French Destiny) which is in fact a den of vampires.

BittenSam, our small troop takes refuge in a house in company of Byron (Tony Medlin), hunter of vampires, and a couple joyeusement being sent in the air: the hour is serious! Serious to describe this sympathetic nerve BLOOD ONE seems a pretty word THE HIGHWAY. One feels the texane local production well with accents to be cut to the knife and a nice satire of Texan Way off Life. On the basis of a history pass key, the scenario succeeds in however certainly injecting into its veins a blood not very new but in any case
refreshing although deeply weak.

The film is addressed clearly to a public acquired in advance: the film fan of horror tendency nerd/geek, knowing its traditional on the end of fingers (2000 MANIACS, randomly), beer drinker and amateur of tits, belches, decorated farts of a foireux-furious gore. All is said, remains with casting to give life to a history little folichonne but rich in bounces and other winks. Most attentive will see a festival cinema
passing MULBERRY STREET and LAKE DEAD! Casting? To howl of amateurism. Ca good fleure the Sodebo studio of the play of actor scented with the gravy.

Dialogues output with the mincer - if possible while howling -, play of actor passed to the moulinette - where there is a bone -, thick section of humour like three ox coasts: all is “very “kolossale moothness”, surjoué but the realizers, already guilty of a PRISON has GO-GO with Mary Woronov, wished to give in this register. Thus force is to recognize that each one puts considerably his at it at this play. Humour? To slip on blood plates. An example: behind the door of my house where the survivors are, a male-intonated voice is made hear. It indicates to being a blonde to the enormous centres, naked and pursued by vampires. The nerd of service does not believe in it of course.

Reverse shot on, indeed: a blonde with the enormous centres, naked and… who is made puff out by vampires. The 91 minutes of measuring are with the tuning fork of this gag, of which some so large that they end up making pass the pill. Environment is so much how-go-you-yaudpoele-and-fabric-àmatelas between pals that at the end of half an hour, plus nothing does not obstruct. Between the hunter of vampires amateur of theories of the plot to the multiples been engaged, Sam pleutre who is made vampiriser by error, Carrie obnubilated by the money and the fly of Bone, the ex of the hunter which jumps on all that moves, Roy (Chris Gardner) libidineux with wish and Bone ordurier, primate and alcoholic, the training session of the group with the hunter which ends up licking its rifle… not what to be bored. Even if half of the gags fall flat.

The social one? Rhesus me, vampire! BLOOD ONE THE HIGHWAY allows the luxury of a scenario which makes s' to face two communities (all as bitches one as the other), but with characters drawn rather well. The village of Fate is in fact a community vampire under the cut of a named multinational Consumart
which hopes well to exploit the human ones gradually. Either would a vampire works for Consumart, or it buys its products there… be a light parabola of our consumer society? Diantre! Moreover a supermarket opens there at the beginning of film, but as by chance with laying down sun! Vampires, a new
community consumerist which seeks to live: See the manifestation of the last quarter with signs, protests in all kinds against the recalcitrant human bunch. Besides this community has its enlightened preacher, his social organization and seems furiously preserving. Texas, anyone?

Barak Epstein and Blair Rowan pride themselves on a small ambition that many products without any budget do not dare and who make pass the whole with a humour for once successful and with the assumed coarseness. Not that the message is light - it has the éléphantesque grace of a bulldozer in erection - but that goes with the remainder. Thus that passes. And that breaks. Gore? Generous, with abundance and funny. One does not count any more the cut out members, crushed bodies, buckets of haemoglobin, internal organs, torn off throats, crucifiés vampires… a true festival. The more so as the observers came there in mass! Effects special with old, slightly/unfortunately crossbred of numerical blood on some plans. There is even one of heroins which projects piles of wood with its vagina. Veracious.

Music? Except cheapos of rigour and diverted ballades country, one is entitled to a festival not-stop of rock'n'roll texan deafening on bottom of collective hysteria. With in particular a démarquage of the “Eye off the Tiger” of Survivor: “Who' S gonna kill all thesis fucking vampires?” by Thunder Thighs. For which likes, that can do it, but at the end of some songs, that wearies nevertheless so much this joining was already used elsewhere. It is there too necessary to know to be tolerant on what one subjects to our ears. The camera? Agitated in the scenes of action, it s' prove purely functional in those of exposure.

One does not have to expect miracles, but the directors have energy to resell, the direction of the rate/rhythm and gag. That compensates for the generalized amateurism of the measuring which gives in fact much more guilty pleasure than any video new faggoted more or less well by companies having well-established (or almost). Let us recognize in any case a neat photograph the major part of time, night scenes rather quite enlightened for such a product which however profited from two teams of turning.

In conclusion, that feels the love of the kind, in situ do-it-yourself, the socks not clean and dried blood. They make of this BLOOD ONE THE HIGHWAY an entry noticed enough in the bosom of the funny-gore film (a), in the absence of being remarkable in a more general register. Impossible to leave to the cinema, this film would indisputably deserve to be discovered by the many bisseux amateurs (and others). Dirtily fun!


I appreciate being a heroin that projectiles my joyusement to the world. YOU'RE WELCOME.


( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 11th, 2009 03:40 pm (UTC)
I can't imagine how the two of you got through that scene. I mean, I realize it's acting & what with the other people in the room filming, doing the sound, the lighting, all that crap that it's hardly romantic & sexy, but STILL. Have you watched that scene with your sister & him in the room? I seriously don't know if I could do that.
Sep. 11th, 2009 03:51 pm (UTC)
I have watched that scene with my sister, him, and my FATHER.

I'm not actually nude, so that makes a huge difference. ;)

And that scene was meant to be gross and funny and disturbing, not sexy in the slightest. I think it's safe to say that we achieved our goals. Ahahaha.
Sep. 11th, 2009 03:58 pm (UTC)
I've got to see that movie! Morgan & I missed the premier of it at the Alamo by ONE DAY.
Sep. 11th, 2009 04:09 pm (UTC)
BAH! If you have TWC, you can see it! Tonight, even! :D
Sep. 11th, 2009 04:31 pm (UTC)
I don't. I don't even have basic cable. I own a television, but haven't had cable or satellite in about 4 or 5 years now. Crazy, huh? I had it turned off back then because I was saving up the money for Morgan to go to Europe when she was 15. It was just an unnecessary expense & $60+ a month that could go into that savings account for her trip. Had the second phone like taken out, too. Just got used to living without it & you can watch so many series & even movies now on line~~ I just got the Starz package through Verizon so for $4.99 a month I can watch whatever movies are showing on Starz. It's a pretty cool deal since I can watch them when I have time to watch a movie & I can download as many as I want for $4.99. Beats the hell out of renting & then having to return & of course it's 89 miles to the closest Cinemax. So going to a movie is an all day deal. 3 hours on the road, 2 something hours in the theater, there's 5 hours gone right there, & that's not counting eating out. You're looking at having to chalk off at least 6 to 7 hours just to see a movie. Maybe it'll come out on DVD.
Sep. 11th, 2009 04:33 pm (UTC)
Oh, do PLEASE keep us updated with release dates. I've just GOT to watch that movie!

Erm, what's a wife-beater, please? Apart from an abusive husband.
Sep. 11th, 2009 04:37 pm (UTC)
A wife beater is a white tank top - named because of guys who are abusive jerks typically wearing one. (See: Marlon Brando's character in Streetcar for reference.) :)
Sep. 11th, 2009 04:56 pm (UTC)
OH my gawd.... How did you get through that scene??? o.O
Sep. 11th, 2009 05:04 pm (UTC)
By doing my job? I dunno, you do weird stuff when you're an actress, lol.
Sep. 11th, 2009 05:08 pm (UTC)
I've never used On-Demand, though I certainly likes the sound of it. I want everything On-Demand. Do you guys get .025 of a penny every time it's ordered?

Blu-Ray in France?? That makes no sense to me even while furiously squinting.
Sep. 11th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
i haven't either, but that's mostly because 1) I have satellite and 2) I don't think I'm worth it. *cuts to feel* And I have NO idea how much they get paid for this - I got not one penny for it, nor will I get anything. :(

Blu-ray. Isn't that crazy? We got a babelfish'd review from a French film festival we were entered in, and it's hilarious. None of us know how to speak French, or we'd get a proper translation. I may have to post that, it's so funny.
Sep. 11th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
Oh, please post the review. I'm sure we could cobble together some semblance of a translation using my Harrap's Tin-Tin Illustrated French-English Dictionary!

*sends Barbie Band-aids for multiple cuts*
Sep. 11th, 2009 05:43 pm (UTC)
I've linked to the original French review and posted (under a cut) the horrible and hilarious translation. WHEEE!
Sep. 11th, 2009 05:55 pm (UTC)
That translation is hilariously garbled, but with phrases like me make tickle the anus by two popstars Cashmere and the play of actor scented with the gravy it's still made of win!
Sep. 11th, 2009 05:58 pm (UTC)
I think my new catch phrase will be "Redneck in Madness."

And I like that our fate is French Destiny. HEEE.

The line Nicholas Brendon says is something like, "Who got me out of my house at this hour when I should be back in bed getting my anus tickled by two Kashmir popstars?" LOL.

This ain't yo daddy's movie.
Sep. 11th, 2009 07:29 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha! That was an amazing review.

>>On the basis of a history pass key, the scenario succeeds in however certainly injecting into its veins a blood not very new but in any case
refreshing although deeply weak.


This really is the little movie that could, isn't it?
Sep. 11th, 2009 07:41 pm (UTC)
HEEEEE, yes it is! And it keeps picking up awards all over Europe, which just proves my theory that Italians love my sleeze. As do the Estonians, Spaniards, Netherlanderers, etc. Hahahaha.

I like reading it as Borat, even though that's nothing close to a French accent. But is nice.
Sep. 11th, 2009 07:45 pm (UTC)
HEE. I loff you, Stoney.

Glad you're feelin better. <3

Sep. 11th, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC)

I would totally do that, but we had to cancel our plans to hook up last night because I had a sick kid and she had a headache. THE STORY OF MY LIFE, BOO.
Sep. 11th, 2009 08:00 pm (UTC)
Sep. 11th, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC)
I KNOW. And she's going home today, so we didn't get to have our usual dinner/drinks/awesome convo session. :(

Fortunately she'll be coming back soon, so I'll make sure to get my Lynne servings in.
Sep. 11th, 2009 10:48 pm (UTC)
European premiere. When?

Or do I have to reestablish my Hong Kong bootlegging contacts, because I have those. The guy's name is "Two Change" Chang and is saw him bite through a bullet and spit it out into a guys face. He is probably the only bootlegger cool enough to carry your movie.
Sep. 12th, 2009 12:16 am (UTC)
Go to the main page www.bloodonthehighway.com and you'll see where else it's aging. I know that we've got a Netherlands festival coming up.
Sep. 12th, 2009 07:21 am (UTC)
Oh, I can't go then - we have guests from England flying in :(.

Hopefully Amazon will carry the DVD when it becomes cult and I'll be able to buy it in England myself (I'm going to England! For the next two years!).
Sep. 12th, 2009 12:33 am (UTC)
Sep. 12th, 2009 12:36 am (UTC)
YES PLEASE!! Also not only is it showing in London in mid October, but Beth will be there with her husband chris!!
Sep. 12th, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
That French review is like no other review I've ever seen.

The film is addressed clearly to a public acquired in advance


I can't wait to be acquired and see it.
( 27 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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