Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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Some people call this manic, I call it being awesome.

I needed some levity after a stressful week. I also need to get rid of some outdated furniture that is taking up precious space in my house. I also have a deep need to write parody songs. A DEEP NEED. And so I've been rewriting classic songs to work into a Craigslist posting for this stuff I'm getting rid of. This is my brain on drugs. By which I mean air. (Pfft, I'm totally addicted to air, I won't even lie.)

Old Man

Old man, look at my bench
It could match your armoire.
Old man, look at my bench
It could match your armoire.

Old man look at my bench
2 big drawers, but so much more.
High-backed, sturdy and well made
Storage drawers, there's two.

At a store, so much cost
Come see me, you'll think I'm sauced
Less coin that it will not cost
Savings-prudent You.

Old man take a look at the wood with an espresso hue.
I need cash in my hand, how about $52?
Take a look at that price and you can knock off two...

Pina Colada Song

I was tired of my stuff
I'd had it here for so long
It's not worn out or broke
The style-fit is just wrong.
So while I sit here dreaming
Of new decor just ahead
On the Craigslist website
I'll put this stuff here instead.

If you like well built bookshelves
And curio cabinets
If you're not into wall shelves
If you like matching sets
If you like hanging files and brass drawer pulls
On a desk clean from chores
Then I've got stuff that you've looked for
400 bucks and it's yours.

[ETA] I put the posting up with pics at 3:00 CST. I just got an offer to have it picked up tomorrow, 14 minutes later. FUNNY WORKS, WHOO!

Teach Your Children

Who want a p'ano
Must have a hope
For one you can play on
And so
I have one here
Because my kids
Have no dedication

Teach your children well
My personal hell - did slowly go by
My kids weren't able to learn.
I acquired tics - I always looked high
Don't you ever ask them to try
If they played it you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
...And buy my console.

And you (Can you hear that?)
Without much room (Lovely silence!)
Will like this piece (No more banging,)
It's only so big (Do, Re, Mi, Fa!)
And so it's been well tuned (Teach your children)
And it will fit (You'll do better)
Into a living room (Than I did, so)
Or wherever you dig. (Help me, please!)

I'm kind of proud of that last one the most. Except I've been singing "It could match your armoire" all day.

See? It's not all Srs Bznss here. I also got some new head shots taken for my agency and I'm am well pleased with the exception that I have no idea how to wear stage makeup anymore. I'm such a tom boy. I need to sit in a chair and have a professional teach me how to slap some paint on again. We're all still wearing blue eye shadow and Dr. Pepper lipsmackers, right? Lol. I also took one with a wonky eye because I don't know how to be serious. Also, I'm a character actress, dammit. Give me the crazy part every time!
Tags: alternate things, awwwwwspam!, parody fic, random statements, stoney doesn't suck
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