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I didn't actually talk with Mr. Walken today, I just entertained myself on the long drive back from an audition taping by improving the copy as Christopher Walken, because that is how my brain works. He waxed philosophic about getting up at 4 am to devour upwards of 2 pounds of genoa salami. Other nights it could be Westphalian ham, because he doesn't understand why it's half the cost of Prosciutto. His parents didn't offer much in the way of supervision as a child, leaving him to ponder the complexities of life on his own. But [insert grocery store I auditioned for's name here] offers amazing and astounding values. On meat. Other things, as well, but you can't beat their meat. Lol.

I've had a few auditions this week and haven't felt very confident during them, and I figured out what was missing: my videographer, bu_doodlebug. She's so fun and lets me just go and go and go. It gets my energy up, and I think that by the time the camera rolls, I'm more subdued, and that's not what you need when your auditioning for, say, Playstation. Der. [She also let me do a dry run through as Nancy Grace, Greta Van Susteren and Paula Deen, and those four are my solid impressions. Hahaha.]

I've written not one word on my projects today. Now that my energy is coming down from "crack shakes" to manageable energetic mom, I think I'll be able to focus.

And just because it's my all-time favorite impression of Christopher Walken, I leave you with Kevin Pollak's version, because it's freaking hilarious and spot on. (NSFW due to one word at the end.)


( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 4th, 2009 07:41 pm (UTC)
The musing on Westphalian ham being half the cost of prosciutto and ...amazing and astounding values. On meat in a Christopher Walken voice had me laughing out loud.

Hell, now everything I read is converting to Walken-speak. I wish I was reading a word tour through Alex Rodriguez' boudoir...
Nov. 4th, 2009 07:49 pm (UTC)
I do Walken-speak every chance I get. It's so funny to me! Another great word for Walken is "ridiculous."

Try reading bank statements as Walken.
Nov. 4th, 2009 08:50 pm (UTC)
Try reading bank statements as Walken. hahaha! He'd find every entry ridiculous! "You're paying how much for cable?"
Nov. 4th, 2009 09:02 pm (UTC)
"Wow. That's hilarious. Never before did I discern how much my actual payments were. I should contact my cable representative immediately."

...if someone doesn't have his voice in their head, this whole thread is going to seem very bizarre. :D
Nov. 4th, 2009 08:04 pm (UTC)
Stoney, it's not polite to beat their meat without their consent!
Nov. 4th, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC)
And you certainly can't have any pudding... ;)
Nov. 4th, 2009 08:40 pm (UTC)

"This guy... is un-fuckin'-believable"

I once heard that Christopher Walken says he loves acting so much he could do it for free. The "Ripper" video game must have been one of those charity cases. He's wonderful in it.
Nov. 4th, 2009 08:47 pm (UTC)

I love him taking a census here. LOL!
Nov. 4th, 2009 10:45 pm (UTC)
Oh God, I can't stop laughing and I don't think the jokes are even that fresh! XD XD XD
Nov. 4th, 2009 10:57 pm (UTC)
That's when they're the funniest!

"What's... the difference... between a pub and.... an elephant's fart? This... is a bar room, and...an elephant's fart.. is a baROOM."
Nov. 4th, 2009 09:51 pm (UTC)
Check your email inbox. ;)

OMG. Kevin Pollack's impression is dead-on. I LOVE the Aristocrats!!!!!!!
Nov. 4th, 2009 10:12 pm (UTC)
TAG: check YOUR email inbox! :D

Isn't that one PERFECT?? Amy Poehler does one, too, and it's remarkable! "I have uh dahl. She's a good dahl. But she don't like ghosts. Me, neither. They're spooky. I don't like spooky behaviuh." Ahahahahaha.
Nov. 4th, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC)
Totally believable. Chris Walken's family had a bakery in Astoria Queens for many years, so I could totally picture him wandering around eating 2 lbs of salami.
Nov. 4th, 2009 10:13 pm (UTC)
HEEEEEEEEE! My impressions are more than abstract, you see: they are based on TRUTH! Lol!
Nov. 4th, 2009 10:35 pm (UTC)
Walken KNOWS foodstuffs!
Nov. 4th, 2009 10:42 pm (UTC)
The man is vairy, vairy serious...about the particular things...he eats.
Nov. 4th, 2009 10:19 pm (UTC)
seriously, it's a little weird we simultaneously Walken-blogged.

Nov. 4th, 2009 10:27 pm (UTC)
I'd say the operation didn't go exactly as planned. I was told I would get most of the brain.
Nov. 4th, 2009 10:30 pm (UTC)
Yeah, and I was told I'd get the looks...they really screwed up.
Nov. 4th, 2009 10:25 pm (UTC)
Oh. My WORD.

I SO want to drive around with you now and listen to you riff on commercial copy in a Walken voice. That would be nothing short of AWESOME.
Nov. 4th, 2009 10:28 pm (UTC)
Jesse is very indulgent. She'll just let me go and go... Then we realize there are people outside waiting for me to wrap it up. WHOOPS. :D
Nov. 5th, 2009 11:44 am (UTC)
Every word you write is happy-making.

Best: "Crack shakes."


Though, I wouldn't order that at McDonald's if you paid me.

-- c.
Nov. 5th, 2009 12:54 pm (UTC)
You know those people that walk around outside with little tastes of shakes to tempt you into buying a whole one? MM HMM!! First hit's free, I'm telling you.

And funnily enough, crack shakes have the piquant taste of almond. Who knew? And ashy knees.
Nov. 5th, 2009 02:03 pm (UTC)
IL all Christopher Walkens.

Did you see this piece of awesomeness yet?

Lessee if my embedding skills came through...
Nov. 5th, 2009 02:58 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHA, I DID!! And then I was singing "Pah pah pah pah poker face pah pah poker face, mah mah mah mah"

( 25 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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