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Two eye-rolling mini-rants

1. I love my kids. That whole "they came from my loins" thing, and all. But I get that not everyone thinks my little angels are precious precious snowflakes who's very BREATH is a miracle to be lauded. I want my kids to be independent, to learn how to be on their own, but not at the expense of people around us. I am, of course, talking about the twee little grocery carts that seem to only exist in the suburbs. "Mommy, I'm helping with my own cart!" *bangs into things*

Look. I get it. I'm all for giving kids chores, believe me. But in a packed store where things can break (I was at a home store with delicate lamps, etc. etc.) YOUR CHILD DOESN'T NEED TO LEARN THE CART LESSON. I'll tell you what lesson they can learn! KEEP YOUR FRIGGIN' HANDS TO YOURSELF. That's a GREAT lesson. Also, there are 6 billion+ on the planet. It's not that precious, what they're doing. Sorry. Best you learn that one early, New Mom.

2. If you have a shopping cart full of things, you do not go to the express lane. YOU DO NOT GO TO THE EXPRESS LANE. If you're waved over because there's no one there at the checkout, that's one thing. When you purposely go there (15 or less) and start unloading, you are officially a douche nozzle. And when someone says behind you, "Did you realize this was the express lane? There's a lane open next door," that is not your opportunity to give a go to hell look and slam more things on the conveyor belt. And I hope you understood that when I said, "You're awesome," you understood that I was being sarcastic. Because douche nozzles are NOT awesome.

Let me guess: your mother was the mother from #1, huh?

In other news, I now have all the supplies I need to make these meatballs (I'm retro, yo), these cookies, and this champagne punch. Also on the menu tomorrow will be fresh olives, nuts, assorted fruits, cheeses, crackers and breads, and prosciutto wrapped figs. OH, LAST THING TO YOU 20 SOMETHINGS AND UNDER: Learn how to FRICKIN' RSVP to an event. If you're doing that thing where you're waiting to see if something better comes along? I'm putting you in the douche nozzle category, too. So I guess I'm serving anywhere from 10 to 40 people tomorrow. Good hell.

Comments

stoney321
Nov. 19th, 2009 07:27 pm (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHA.

BABIES ARE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. I am talking about 3 year olds who can push a shopping cart.

(And when they are children I love, THEY ARE PRECIOUS AND PERFECT. Heeeee.)

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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