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This weekend was when the universe decided I needed to celebrate Chrismahkwanzanukkah. I got a new ISP with 4G, and my service is blazing fast. Just in time for the new (old) fandom wank about Victoria Bitters. I knew about it but as I wasn't actively in HP or LotRPS, I only knew about her/him tangentially. So with my whip-quick internets I've been able to catch up on all the gloriousness that is a crazy person that refuses to accept that they are, indeed, a crazy person.

I think my all time-favorite bit of their story isn't the rebirth as Elijah Wood with the "magically growing penis" (although glorious) the swindling of money (oh the poor deluded people who give internet people money! QUIT DOING THAT) but the involvement with the IRA (because she's now officially a he and Irish?) and the SWORD SCAR ON HIS CHEST from defending a lady's honor. Also, they're 25. Which makes their involvement with the IRA hilarious.

Is it wrong that I'm imagining Brandon Teena getting into an epic sword battle with an agent of Sauron? But Brandon has an Irish brogue? And a poor one at that? And pipe bombs? And a shank of mutton slowly turning on a spit over an open fire and lots of Guiness? Also, we're all really really stoned? LOL.

I just... people are feckin' insane in this world, and anytime I think I might be a little loco I just have to remember that I never married Snape on the astral plane, I've never stalked a celebrity and claimed to have a relationship with said celebrity or have BECOME said celebrity, I've never married a horse (my all-time favorite) and kept a lady mistress in the barn with my horse-wife in the house (no, really, they did that, OH MY GOD) and believed that my pregnant horse was CARRYING MY PONY-BABY, nor have I married the Berlin Wall and cried when my husband was "torn to pieces" (my second most favorite.)

When I was in Vegas I coined a phrase that I think applies here, too. When people seem normal, then it turns out they've stopped their meds and they flip out with mania/depression you have just encountered SURPRISE!Polar, or rather previously unknown bi-polar.

Wow. People, listen to Stoney: STOP GIVING INTERNET PEOPLE MONEY. Do not take anyone at face value. For all you know I'm actually Elijah Wood Orlando Bloom Hermione Granger wait, that last one isn't even a real person. YOU GET MY POINT.

...wait, you know what? Keep it up, because you provide me hours of entertainment. It's Festivus for the rest of us! :D [I think this means I'm not going to get much accomplished today, I'm just too overjoyed with the Surprise!polar and those that love them. This was why I had to take fandom_wank off my reading list, it was too engaging!]

...wait #2, I think my other favorite thing in this whole drama aside from Random!Sword Injury! is the phrase "Rare Lesbian Paladin." That totally earns a +4 bag of awesome, right there.


( 42 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 14th, 2009 04:14 pm (UTC)
There is nothing so amazingly frightening as stupidity in motion.
Dec. 14th, 2009 04:29 pm (UTC)
I'm frightened when they're carrying evil protest signs and shouting in my face. Online it's just mind boogeling supenuse. (LOL, HP crazy never gets old.)
Dec. 14th, 2009 04:30 pm (UTC)
+4 bag of awesome

Now there is a phrase made entirely of win.


Gotta love people. They're highly entertaining, like monkeys.
Dec. 14th, 2009 04:43 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha, that's my go-to D&D phrase. :D

Oh, I love internet monkey so, so much. It's just ... there aren't enough slow claps in the world. Ha.
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Dec. 14th, 2009 04:38 pm (UTC)
OK, I know people who know people who are actually involved with this entire clusterfuck. So, here are some extra nuggets of crazy to enjoy.

1) Victoria Bitter=Amy Player (yes, A. Player) now = Andy something. Most folks are reasonably certain that he is honestly a Transman, so is now identifying/living as male.

2) Andy= Thanfiction, author of a series of stories called "Dumbledore's Army and the Year of Darkness" a story of Hogwarts during Deathly Hallows. I personally couldn't even get through the whole thing because of all the DRAMA!, but lots of people love the story and there is a whole cult-like LJ community revolving around the thing, INCLUDING A CONVENTION SET TO TAKE PLACE NEXT WEEK. Meanwhile, Thanfiction has been holding court, loudly going onandonandon about how he thinks his canon is superior to JKRs and how he only read the books once and quickly and didn't really even like them. So, basically, this guy has written well over 500,000 words of story based on Rowling's universe, but he thinks he did it better.

3) He likes to put on a faux self-deprecating attitude and attitude and describe himself as scrawny and with glasses...and, oh, did I mention that HE HAS A REAL LIGHTNING BOLT SCAR ON HIS FOREHEAD AND HAS PHOTOS TO PROVE IT? Visions of crazy person cutting own forehead? }shudders{

4) He's dying of a terrible heart disease, poor baby. He's strapped for cash, too. So, if you could just see fit to purchase some bad photoshopped art from his glorious magnum opus, it would be awesome.

5) Oh, and he doesn't want money. But, if you insist, you can send it to him via Paypal. He'll use it to sponsor some poor indigent soul to attend his convention. He swears!

There is more. So much more. But...OMG, the CRAZY. It is full and glorious.

Dec. 14th, 2009 04:45 pm (UTC)
Oh I LOVED that her "real" name is A. Player, too. HI THERE CLUE. I did know #2, but at the time of the first, second, and third round of wank, was a lady cross dresser with claims of a magically growing penis. WOWOWOWOWOW.

The heart disease dying thing is just SHAMEFUL. Dude, STFU and quit the frontin', yo.

The crazy on this one is BREATHTAKING.
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 14th, 2009 04:47 pm (UTC)
LOL, nice Xander quote-pull, Sue.

I'm thinking of changing my handle from "The Situation" to Rare Lesbian Paladin, I love it so much.

AHAHAHAHA, I started singing "Gordok did you know?" last night and knew ONLY YOU would remember that one. Ahahahaha, oh, 2005, you were so fun.
Dec. 14th, 2009 05:01 pm (UTC)
After a person has supposedly committed suicide, been diagnosed with a terminal illness, channeled a Hobbit, and changed their moniker more than five times, you'd think the public would know better than to trust her/him with their money. I hoped most people were just following the insanity to mock it, but it seems I'm sadly mistaken.

Dec. 14th, 2009 05:05 pm (UTC)
I think with this latest round of monetary swindling the people duped just didn't know who this person was. Which is why you need to do some damn research on people before you send money on, good hell!
Dec. 14th, 2009 06:08 pm (UTC)
I have nothing to add I just wanted to show you my horsey icon. If you like it you can give me money. I am a post-menopausal Druid (see my monicker)from Upper Kamikazistan and Derek Jeter is my love child with Snoopy. What? It could happen!
Dec. 14th, 2009 06:25 pm (UTC)
Ahahahahaha, I love the icon. And THAT IS MY DEREK JETER LOVE BABY U HOR!!
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(Deleted comment)
Dec. 14th, 2009 06:27 pm (UTC)
Yeah, she's a whole special level of crazy, right? I mean, Anne, she's a RARE LESBIAN PALADIN. He. Whichever.

The gullibility is what is killing me, too. These people would be the random person marching up the sidewalk yelling at themselves and twitching if they didn't have an audience!
Dec. 14th, 2009 06:48 pm (UTC)
I need you to paypal me 1900 dollars so I can buy Virgin Atlantic tickets to the astral plane for me and my pony.
Dec. 14th, 2009 07:02 pm (UTC)

Sword-scar is my new favorite wound.
(Screened comment)
Dec. 14th, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC)
WOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!! Oh my god, the whole Irish thing just gets funnier and funnier. I failed to mention how he claims to have fought (really? at 10? REALLY????) on both sides of the IRA/Nationalist issue.

Mostly I'm upset by that because it makes my claim at having been a slave runner for the Underground Railroad while assisting General Lee during the Civil War seem sketchy... I have the photographic evidence! And an mp3 of Harriet Tubman thanking me!
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Dec. 14th, 2009 08:41 pm (UTC)
Holy shit. I should not read links you post. My brain broke, I think.... *staggers off*
Dec. 14th, 2009 09:44 pm (UTC)

Dec. 14th, 2009 10:16 pm (UTC)
IT HAS ALL BEEN AN ELABORATE RUSE, MY LOVE, IN ORDER TO GET CLOSER TO YOU. Please PayPal me funds to see you so I don't have to use my credit card and ping the paparazzi.
Dec. 14th, 2009 10:08 pm (UTC)
I had no idea this crazy existing until this weekend. Stoney, the internets have gone surprise!polar on my ass!
Dec. 14th, 2009 10:17 pm (UTC)

(I've been going back and re-reading all of the Major Wanks, crystal wanks, Snape wives... GOOD TIMES!)
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Dec. 14th, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC)

I want this on a t-shirt!! In fact I want this to be my Action Hero name! I can save a damsel/damam in distress and then while they're thanking me, cut off their arms and yell SUPRISE!Polar. Awesome!

I miss fandom_wank - that place was gloriously sexy mess.
Dec. 14th, 2009 10:42 pm (UTC)
I WILL MAKE YOU AN IRON ON. I have your package ready to go out (I needed to put some chocolates in there) and I can slip that in. Hahahahaha, awesome.

Oh my god, I'm now reading the threads over at f_w and just got to the His Son? A Sparrow and we might have a winner. WOW.
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Dec. 14th, 2009 11:35 pm (UTC)
Oh, wait...have you heard about his FANDOM WILL?!?!?!?

Since he has that tragic heart condition, he needs to plan ahead. And, the passing of Simons_Flower (A very real and tragic event in which a 37 year old young wife and mom and longtime fan died suddenly at home)made him realize that OMG IT IS REALLY ABOUT HIM AND HIS MORTALITY and he needs to "will" his stories to his BESTEST fans so that there can be quality control on his fanfic universe.

The F_W threads just get funnier and funnier.
Dec. 15th, 2009 01:56 am (UTC)
No no! To me the best part of the fandom will is how he mentions that it'll include where people should send money, if they want to send money. I'M SURE THAT ADDRESS WILL BE FOR A CHARITY, RLY.
Dec. 15th, 2009 03:32 pm (UTC)
Holy crap, this person is better than the Final Fantasy 7 House and The Sarah Saga combined! I loooooove Otakukin! Thank you, this made my day.
Dec. 15th, 2009 03:34 pm (UTC)
( 42 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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