Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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Remember how I'm broken? Yeah. Wu Tang Clan and Evan Lysacek.

YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY. So I'm killing time while helping a family member and ethrosdemon sent me this video. (SERIOUSLY. GO WATCH IT. Men Figure Skating RAP.)

And naturally I began imagining the Wu Tang Clan with they 40s and they Desert Es watchin this mofo up in hurr when them Slingblade Bay City Balla Bitchez come up thu club and they's like, "Pshht, Lysacek ain't got no game, Plushenko be tha one leavin with dat Big G, foo!"

And RZA be all pullin out his 9, sayin shit like, "This is MEN'S Figga Skatin, SON. Betta reckanize, mothafucka! Lysacek'll toe pick yo ASS, bitch."

And they be all gettin up in they faces, lickin' they lips like they LL or suh'n and Ghostface Killa points at them punk ass fools with his chin, all, "Whatchu gone do? Huh? I show you what a triple lutz is, motha fucka! Bes' protect yo NECK!"

Method Man popped up behind his boys, punchin he-self in tha head. "Right, right? Rightright?" Them other boys start to back they asses down. "I can do this all day, mother fucka!" Method Man jus kept on hittin heself like he crazy, "Plushenko is a mother fucka, he be all wobbly and shit pullin in them bitch scores, you bes' get yo head right!"

The GZA made a face and waved his hand at them kids. "Tchuh, y'all bes' sit yoselves down and learn from the motha fuckin master. It ain't all about fuckin triples and quads, bitch ass butt bitch, it's about puttin on a mothafuckin show. Boy's got some crazy mad skillz. He's mothafuckin Michael on Ice."

They all took a moment of silence for the King of mothafuckin pop, then the RZA starts beat boxing a smoov groove and Ghostface came in on top of that shit:

"Figga what? Figga-figga figga-figga please!
Evan's floatin' on the ice with the greatest of ease
Takin out bitchez, takin' out ho's
bringin' perfect scores everywhere that he goes.
Y'all say he be frontin some say he's a bitch
I fuckin' breakin' yo face with a little TOE PICK."

Fuckin' ice skatin' all up in this bitch. (Zambonies? How do they work? <-- MIRACLES, THAT'S HOW.)


All I can say in my own defense is that I unleashed this on you and not the Twilight/Juggalo parody that I've been writing since last night. YOU'RE WELCOME. (Um, it's Breaking Dawn, totally mocking the "Miracles" video because OH MY GOD that is still making me laugh whenever I hear "fuckin magnets, how do they work?") OH AND HOW GHOSTS AND UFOS ARE MIRACLES. LOL x forever.]
Tags: alternate things, parody fic, she blinded me with science, wtf no seriously wtf?
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