I want to say how proud of us I am. How proud of the women that know that a large part of what makes us strong women is our sense of nurturing, our ability to love and to care for others. I'm not saying men can't feel this, but guys, y'all have had the reins for a few millennium, this is our time, our time! Down here! [/random Goonies reference, lol.]
The one thing to come out of the original talks about what happened 2 years ago at a fan convention that has now escalated into a more universal discussion on what women face every day is that we are finally talking about the shit that has been done to us WITHOUT GUILT OR SHAME. Because we have nothing to feel guilty about. Please reread that. If you had something DONE to you, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Would you feel guilty if a bird pooped on you? You'd feel gross, but guilty? Of course not, that's absurd. So why should you feel guilty that someone has done something to you? I'm here to tell you YOU SHOULDN'T. That those lessons you were taught that made you feel that way were WRONG.
And that was the whole point of my original post, that people who make another person feel "uncomfortable" [more on that word in a minute] or afraid or scared have done something wrong. THEY have. Not you. We all haven't been taught to stand tall. To roll our heads on our shoulders and toss out a sassy "Oh no you di'int!" Why the hell do you think Queen Latifah had to write a song called UNITY? Because "you gotta let 'em know you ain't a bitch or a ho." If you don't know that song, guuuuurl, you need to LISTEN. (Video could be triggering. Lyrics, then? "You put your hands on me I'll put your ass in handcuff, who you callin' a bitch?" I fucking love her.)
I've been public about things in my life. I married an abuser. I left that abuser, the current (and only) Mr. is quite a lovely man. When I left my first husband, my father told me to not tell anyone that I'd been hit, because then.... Well. People wouldn't think well of me. (Please forgive the man, he LITERALLY grew up in a barn. He knows better now.) We all have stories like that. I've been raped and kidnapped. Please tell me how I can take responsibility for my personal choices in not having swords for hands to cut rope. True, I could have been more diligent in seeking out a nuclear power plant in hopes of gaining radioactive spidey powers, but... Gosh, I've learned my lesson. I now drink straight Malathion shakes, wish me luck!
We as women use the word "uncomfortable" to mean A LOT of things, don't we? It can mean that friggin' tag on our bra strap all the way to some jackass rubbing your butt on the subway and there's nowhere to go. That's pretty goddamn uncomfortable. We have been raised to use nice words, to be polite, to not complain, and yes, even those of us that are motorcycle hard asses with "Mama Didn't Love Me" tattoos on our arms. We all have that ingrained in us from media, society, etc. But we're learning. We aren't "bitchy" if we ask for better service or to be treated fairly. We're just asking to be treated fairly. But not all of us have come to that point in our lives where we CAN ask for those things. To not be touched. To not be talked to in some way. To not let someone JUDGE US because we didn't have the strength (or sword hands) to fight back.
If you try to derail the REAL TOPIC AT HAND by trying to rephrase the discussion to terms that suit your agenda, you are doing something horribly wrong and you need to quit, think, and maybe apologize.
My name is Laura. I've been molested by more than one person, I've been raped, and I've been beaten. And I didn't do shit to deserve any of it. And I will fucking cut you with my (hopefully regenerating) sword hands if you ever try and paint me as a victim, or as someone that should feel shame for not taking "personal responsibility" to get out of those situations when I didn't know HOW. Rhonda, Jerry, Carlos and Zach deserve that shame, not me. Not EVER me. And not ever you, please believe it. Anyone that sides with abusers (or hey, that doesn't side with someone that's been hurt) is a Class A jerkwad, imo.
I am so proud of us. WE ARE STRONGER TOGETHER, GUYS. I'm totally bawling now, but it's because this is so raw (I know it is for so many of you, but let's pull that diseased thorn OUT.) GOONIES NEVER DIE. :)
[ETA] And see? Good things can come out of reasonable discourse.