So.... I seemed to pick up a bunch of new folks this week, hello! I know that a lot of folks don't click on people's journals and read Sticky Posts, so I'll just put some stuff out here with the understanding that if you clicked in haste and are looking for an easy out, I will not be hurt if you've added in vain. Or in vein. Or in vane. Stuffs:

I am married with three kids, one of whom has Aspergers, one with feet bigger than mine, and one that can tell you anything and everything you want to know about ocean creatures. I am madly in love with them, except for the times when I am looking to donate them for scientific experiments. I will tell you what many will not: motherhood is 80% shit and 20% bliss, and the job never stops and is dirty and hard. And you are told on Mother's Day that you're obsolete. Lol.

I will without warning throw out quotes from 80s comedies and not really expect anyone to get them. But a few will start laughing when I mention Bandy Bowlegs Button Butt, and that's what keeps me going, you guys. That and my Judge Smalls impression. And the knowledge that Ghostbusters is maybe the most perfectly written comedy of all time. EVEN TINA FEY AGREES WITH ME. (Which is why there are Ghostbusters jokes in every single ep of 30 Rock's first 2 seasons. No, really.)

I don't have sword hands. But I do have sword feet, and I would appreciate the distinction, and no, that's not a lisp-impediment when I talk about my sheaths. I'll give you a second. I use Twitter, but not a lot, mostly to get off a joke. I do things without irony - I don't have time for ironic love. I am the leading Mormon Vampire Authority on LJ, a badge I wear with irony pride. (Yep, that's me, and if you are just putting two and two together and you're all about the Sparkle, I'll understand if you leave a dust trail. Here are my LDS/polygamy tags, respectively.)

Without question, if you believe that Lolita is a "dark comedy," I believe that you should be strung up and beaten with a Lindsay Lohan. (I just think she could use the work.)

Um, let's see.... I usually won't post more than once a day, I believe in the LJ cut if it's more than a screen full, and I AM NOT INTO SPOILERS. I love my friends fiercely, like I love my hair, margaritas, nachos, my garden, and whatever else I'm spazzy about. I'm Texan before I'm anything, so take your Texan stereotypes and skedaddle. And while you're doing that, check out a Molly Ivins book. She's my hero, she and the late Ann Richards.

I have MASSIVE quantities of garden work to catch up on, including moving 2 literal yards of earth into some holes, building another retaining wall, smelling roses, washing my Perpy Derg and giving her a shave, and eating copious amounts of food. HAVE A LOVELY DAY. Do it. I'm totally the boss of you now. (Feel free to check my tags for anything else you might wanna know.)

One last thing! My inbox is BURGEONING with comments from the brouhaha, and I will get to replying to everyone, but I might need a breather before I do. Hopefully you'll understand; I certainly don't want anyone to feel slighted. I'm just... man, big response, that's all.