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So.... I seemed to pick up a bunch of new folks this week, hello! I know that a lot of folks don't click on people's journals and read Sticky Posts, so I'll just put some stuff out here with the understanding that if you clicked in haste and are looking for an easy out, I will not be hurt if you've added in vain. Or in vein. Or in vane. Stuffs:

I am married with three kids, one of whom has Aspergers, one with feet bigger than mine, and one that can tell you anything and everything you want to know about ocean creatures. I am madly in love with them, except for the times when I am looking to donate them for scientific experiments. I will tell you what many will not: motherhood is 80% shit and 20% bliss, and the job never stops and is dirty and hard. And you are told on Mother's Day that you're obsolete. Lol.

I will without warning throw out quotes from 80s comedies and not really expect anyone to get them. But a few will start laughing when I mention Bandy Bowlegs Button Butt, and that's what keeps me going, you guys. That and my Judge Smalls impression. And the knowledge that Ghostbusters is maybe the most perfectly written comedy of all time. EVEN TINA FEY AGREES WITH ME. (Which is why there are Ghostbusters jokes in every single ep of 30 Rock's first 2 seasons. No, really.)

I don't have sword hands. But I do have sword feet, and I would appreciate the distinction, and no, that's not a lisp-impediment when I talk about my sheaths. I'll give you a second. I use Twitter, but not a lot, mostly to get off a joke. I do things without irony - I don't have time for ironic love. I am the leading Mormon Vampire Authority on LJ, a badge I wear with irony pride. (Yep, that's me, and if you are just putting two and two together and you're all about the Sparkle, I'll understand if you leave a dust trail. Here are my LDS/polygamy tags, respectively.)

Without question, if you believe that Lolita is a "dark comedy," I believe that you should be strung up and beaten with a Lindsay Lohan. (I just think she could use the work.)

Um, let's see.... I usually won't post more than once a day, I believe in the LJ cut if it's more than a screen full, and I AM NOT INTO SPOILERS. I love my friends fiercely, like I love my hair, margaritas, nachos, my garden, and whatever else I'm spazzy about. I'm Texan before I'm anything, so take your Texan stereotypes and skedaddle. And while you're doing that, check out a Molly Ivins book. She's my hero, she and the late Ann Richards.

I have MASSIVE quantities of garden work to catch up on, including moving 2 literal yards of earth into some holes, building another retaining wall, smelling roses, washing my Perpy Derg and giving her a shave, and eating copious amounts of food. HAVE A LOVELY DAY. Do it. I'm totally the boss of you now. (Feel free to check my tags for anything else you might wanna know.)

One last thing! My inbox is BURGEONING with comments from the brouhaha, and I will get to replying to everyone, but I might need a breather before I do. Hopefully you'll understand; I certainly don't want anyone to feel slighted. I'm just... man, big response, that's all.


( 51 comments — Leave a comment )
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May. 12th, 2010 03:08 pm (UTC)
Stop lying about the place your sword really lives, L.

I mean, FFS we're all friends here.
May. 12th, 2010 03:14 pm (UTC)
STOP JUDGING ME OMG. If I'm not ready for people to know where I "sheath" my "sword," then I need you to respect that.

Just because I tuck-

... - kita0610 - May. 12th, 2010 06:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 12th, 2010 03:11 pm (UTC)
How did you get those sword feet into pumps filled with marshmallows? Inquiring minds want to know.

Oh, Molly Ivins, how I miss her.
May. 12th, 2010 03:15 pm (UTC)
They were some huge-ass marshmallows.

God, no joke, huh? I would have loved to hear her take on the past few years of wtfery.
May. 12th, 2010 04:04 pm (UTC)
This seems accurate and helpful to inquiring minds! And I need some nachos right now, is all I'm sayin'.

Also, *goes to look at derg peektures*, SALLY, SALLY, HI, GIRL, HIIIIII!
May. 12th, 2010 05:34 pm (UTC)
I failed to add my love of shopping for fun soda pops and popcorn and my unironic love for Bring It On, BUT YOU KNOW MY HEART!

Sally is napping soundly because I took her on a 5 mile drag, lol. I will pass on the lovings when she stops snoreing-sleep-woofing. :D
May. 12th, 2010 04:09 pm (UTC)
I just think she could use the work

I thought Lindsay had all the work she could handle being the stripper pole in Vegas.

Purdy Puppeh!!
May. 12th, 2010 05:34 pm (UTC)
ba dum bum CHING!
(Deleted comment)
May. 12th, 2010 05:35 pm (UTC)
Oooh, good reminder for me, too. MMM, NACHOS.
May. 12th, 2010 04:25 pm (UTC)
And hence why you rock. Damn, your good with words! X-D
May. 12th, 2010 05:35 pm (UTC)
*dork faces*
(Deleted comment)
May. 12th, 2010 05:36 pm (UTC)
YEAH AND YOU WENT AHEAD ANYWAY. Good thing that 20% is so awesome.

CHROME. I mean, such a simple switch, I'm still happy.
May. 12th, 2010 04:32 pm (UTC)
I friended you a while back after reading your Mormon Vampire posts, but never introduced myself. So, hi?
May. 12th, 2010 05:36 pm (UTC)
Why, hello!
May. 12th, 2010 04:50 pm (UTC)
I now feel compelled to re-watch every single episode of 30 Rock to prove this. Where did you hear this?
May. 12th, 2010 05:37 pm (UTC)
GO FOR IT. Tina Fey mentioned that in an interview way back when. (for a period of five eps they used "Shut this down. Shut this all down" which never fails to crack me up.)
May. 12th, 2010 05:09 pm (UTC)
I friended you after reading your awesome posts with respect to victim blaming.
May. 12th, 2010 05:37 pm (UTC)
May. 12th, 2010 05:14 pm (UTC)
You are my kind of person! I think we will get along just fine! SWORD HANDS!! As you know, I'm also a Texan so BONUS! I use a lot of exclamation points!!!!! AAHHH!!!! ^_^
May. 12th, 2010 05:38 pm (UTC)
May. 12th, 2010 05:30 pm (UTC)
I did read the sticky, and friended you forthwith. (I do hope it was OK with you - it seemed like you had an open door policy).

I've been meaning to for a while, anyway, because we've been skittering on the edges of each other's flist for ages, and you've always struck me as pretty cool. With the latest kerfluffle, you became That Awesome Chick, and it was a done deal.

Now that I know you have sword hands, I know I was all kinds of right to do so.
May. 12th, 2010 05:39 pm (UTC)
Oh, I absolutely do, you are so lovely for reading! (I don't really have rules, I just... um, I swear a lot and stuff like that and don't want to get people freaked out, that's all. *g*)

We sure have been, re: flist dancing, and why thank you!

Sword hands, feet, one day I will + them to Vorpol. :D
(Deleted comment)
May. 12th, 2010 05:40 pm (UTC)

(Psst: it's from a random scene in Sixteen Candles at the party, some extra with a button-down-the-back miniskirt walks across camera and squats down, and she's all bandy-bowlegged and I always LOL when I see that scene.)
... - veracity - May. 12th, 2010 08:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - stoney321 - May. 12th, 2010 08:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - veracity - May. 12th, 2010 08:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 12th, 2010 05:55 pm (UTC)
Ghostbusters is maybe the most perfectly written comedy of all time


Also the most quotable. I don't trust anyone who doesn't know the answer to "Are you a GOD?!"
May. 12th, 2010 07:33 pm (UTC)
When someone asks you if you're a god, YOU SAY YES!

We do a lot of riffs on "there is no Dana, only Zuul" around here, and even such a throwaway line as "Yes. Have some." gets play.
... - stoney321 - May. 12th, 2010 07:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 12th, 2010 06:35 pm (UTC)
You are a dorkus texamus! To the maximus! Sword feet? Gozor? How can you go wrong?
May. 12th, 2010 08:00 pm (UTC)
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( 51 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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