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W-O-M-A-N. Let me say it again.

Bad news: I apparently drove over a screw this weekend and gained a flat tire in the process.
Worse news: I drive a big ol' SUV and the tires are massive and heavy.
Awesome news: That stuff don't phase me, yo.

So there I am this morning with my can of WD-40, have already performed the laborious task of getting the spare un-winched from the underbelly of my beast, have the jack in position and have sprayed the lug nuts with lubricant after testing them (true fact: air guns are bastards. Plus, they routinely strip lug nuts making changing your own tire nigh on impossible on occasion) and am just waiting for Science to continue to be my friend (translation: letting the lubricant work its way into the threads enough that I can loosen the lug nuts) when my aged neighbor toddles over and tells me he "can't sit by and watch me struggle."

Aww. Except for how he's almost 90, has had TWO heart attacks in as many years, and can barely catch his breath from just huffing down the driveway to my car. Gah. I let him work on them a bit to be polite even though its kinda pissing me off because I ACTUALLY LIKE WORKING ON MY CAR, then after the fourth or fifth time I've said, "But really, I like doing this, and I've done it numerous times, no really," he lets me get to it. I was seriously worried that he was going to drop dead right there. Also, yay chivalry! And BOO, OLD MAN, I GOT THIS SHIT. I'm not being polite and fanning you off, I really CAN DO THINGS.

I get the lug nuts off, am whistling to myself (Like a Boss by The Lonely Island) jack the car the rest of the way up, and start pulling the tire off and HERE HE COMES AGAIN. "Laura, I just can't sit by, I just can't." And he tried to muscle me out of the way, except for how I'm way stronger than him and he almost falls over trying to move the tire into place. I put my hand on his arm, tell him with a firm, but thankful tone, "Bill? I really can do this. I'm not just saying it. I've got it. Thank you very much, but I can get it from here." Not said: please don't drop dead in my driveway, old man.

Got the tire up and on, tightened, car un-jacked, jack/winch unpacked and put back in the car's clever cubby, and get the busted tire in its winch and raised up into the under carriage. I clap my hands once and say, "Aw, hell yeah!" and catch him sneaking back into his driveway. LOL. And GAH. I get that he's trying to be sweet and all, but sometimes, SOMETIMES YOU SHOULD RECOGNIZE THAT PEOPLE REALLY CAN DO WHAT THEY SAY THEY CAN DO.

Things I can do? Fix my car. :)

ION, I made the most ridiculous braised short ribs yesterday. They were lick the plate good. They were lick the walls good in case something splattered on the wall. If you want the recipe, I'll make a separate post. In the meantime, I'm off to the tire shop to see if I can't get it repaired or if I just need to buy a new one. And I'mma do it like a boss.

*lip kiss peace sign*


( 31 comments — Leave a comment )
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Oct. 11th, 2010 02:58 pm (UTC)
Lookit you with your fancypants jacks. In spain we just used to dig a hole in the garden and drive the pertinent tire over it.

It has recently occurred to me that this was perhaps not the safest way to do things, idk.
Oct. 11th, 2010 03:04 pm (UTC)

The hole in the ground is a good idea if you're not on a paved surface, though. I assume no vehicle fell over on you, crushing the life from your body.
... - elizardbits - Oct. 11th, 2010 03:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - halfmoon_mollie - Oct. 11th, 2010 05:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 11th, 2010 03:09 pm (UTC)
*flex* I think everyone should know how to change a tire! Life saving skill.
Oct. 11th, 2010 03:31 pm (UTC)
I'd have driven to a garage and had them do it. I hate working with jacks and stuff. But you know what? I can do it if I have to. *fist bumps you*
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:37 pm (UTC)
Well, I didn't want to have to buy a $200 wheel on top of a $200 tire because I bent the rims, so changing it was the only option.

I love that while you hate doing it YOU CAN STILL DO IT. Hell yeah, sister. ;)
Oct. 11th, 2010 03:34 pm (UTC)
I'm glad it didn't go from "I can change a tire" to "I can perform CPR on a 90 year old man"
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:38 pm (UTC)
THIS. I mean... Yow.
Oct. 11th, 2010 04:03 pm (UTC)
I once had a guy try to *wrestle* my carburetor from my hands as i stood in line, buying it. He was going on about how it was too heavy for me, blah blah, and i'm like 'get the fuck off me, jayzus!!'

*i think carburetor. it was a long time ago.*

So, yeah. I had a flat tire last Thursday. Called the roadside guys 'cause i was pretty sure my spare was no good, and it wasn't! *sigh*. Also, the guy struggled to get my tire off, like - big time - so i was glad i called someone, as i was dog-tired and not in the mood and couldn't air my own spare up with my super-powered lungs.

I agree with wickedsin. Sheesh, neighbor, go home.
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:36 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD THE CAR REPAIR ISSUES. Guys. Not all girls are "chicks" that don't get that shit.

But hey, if you have roadside assistance, that's the way to go! Those air guns they use in shops to put tires on usually over tighten the lug nuts, making them almost impossible to undo.
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:36 pm (UTC)
LOL! And the recipe was just posted!
Oct. 11th, 2010 04:42 pm (UTC)
You rock. Of course.

In our house I handle anything with motors and mr. muse handles anything with a computer chip. This means that when my MiL calls because her wet/dry vac is broken we go over and I fix it (or the plumbing, or hang shelves, or whatever) while he watches the child, even though she insists that mr. muse is the only one who can possibly do it because apparently that's a gene on the Y-chromosome.
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:35 pm (UTC)
Oooh, I like your set up! And LOL at your MiL not moving forward with her thinking. SIGH.
... - flaming_muse - Oct. 12th, 2010 02:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 11th, 2010 05:26 pm (UTC)
Have had much the same experience with my elderly neighbor, who, at about 70 with a wheeze to beat the band, once insisted on carrying my groceries for me. About a city block and a half, and it wasn't too heavy, but I couldn't find it in my heart to tell him I didn't need his help. Strangely, if he had been a younger man, I wouldn't have thought twice about refusing, but I figured, "Let's give the old guy one last hurrah." :D
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:34 pm (UTC)
LOL, that's it exactly. Well, up to a point when I'm just SERIOUSLY THINKING HE WILL DIE. And I cannot have another man's blood on my hands, Di, I can't. (Lol.)
Oct. 11th, 2010 05:30 pm (UTC)
Actually, I think it may have been equal parts wanting to help you and wanting to still be useful. It's why most of the seniors I knew died of heart attacks or aneurysms smack in the middle of a wheat field. When you work all your life, it's hard to just let others do their thing.
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:34 pm (UTC)
Could be, but I've been neighbors with him for a while and he's happily been retired for a long time. It's a southern US white male thing that women aren't supposed to perform manual labor. He gets tetchy when I work in the garden, too, because women are supposed to be ladies in the kitchen.
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:33 pm (UTC)
UGH TWO TIRES AT ONCE, THAT IS THE WORST. (Sounds like some jerkwad left something on the road?) BUT I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU ON HOW AWESOME IT FEELS TO DO IT.

I totally drove over a crew, they had it coming.
Oct. 11th, 2010 06:18 pm (UTC)
I want the recipe! I looooooooove short ribs, and I can only imagine how tasty these must be, especially with you being from Texas :3
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:32 pm (UTC)
Mmm MMMM, they are delicious! I just posted the recipe, too!
Oct. 11th, 2010 06:25 pm (UTC)
The mental picture of this just makes me smile. Why? You and your girlpower... and the sweet old man, who was really just trying. :-) *pats him*
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:31 pm (UTC)
He really was, he's a very sweet old man and a lovely neighbor.
Oct. 11th, 2010 07:16 pm (UTC)
You should have grabbed the old guy and bench pressed him. "Don't worry, just warming up my lady arms before I tackle doing the jobs that you can't do". I don't know about you but I always get a bit moist eyed watching old men cry. Awww, they're adorable.
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:31 pm (UTC)
Next time Ill just pull out my javelin and ask him to run to the end of the block and catch it for me.
(Deleted comment)
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:30 pm (UTC)
Ooh, I love doing tasks around the house, as well. That's such a feeling of accomplishment when you properly float drywall, am I right? :D

Recipe just went up!
Oct. 12th, 2010 12:20 am (UTC)
You rock. At first it was kinda sweet that he tried to help, but yeah, let it go, sir. This is under control.

Recipe!! I demand a lick the walls good recipe! I must get my OM TO THE OM NOM ON.
Oct. 12th, 2010 02:29 pm (UTC)
Right there with you on the "oh, how sweet. Wait, you're back? DUDE. I GOT THIS."

I just posted the recipe!
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( 31 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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