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I wanted to wish my Jewish friends a Happy Chanukah. May your candle burn bright!

Now, in more blasphemous news, I'm probably going to offend someone with this. Eh, it makes me laugh, and I'm not putting it in your home, so....

As many of you know (and if you've ever looked at my user info page) you'll note that I am a heathen. A horrorshow on two legs. Yes, Virginia, I am an atheist. But! I adore Christmas. By which I mean that I adore Western/Modern Christmas which is all about trampling people to death to buy an electronic race track that your children will be bored with after fifteen minutes of play and also the time-honored tradition of over eating.

That's a holiday I can support.

OK, OK, I have never and WILL NEVER shop on a Black Friday, I try to buy things that have meaning/use for people I love with no expectations of getting things in return, and I delight in twinkle lights and the smell of fresh cut pine/cedar, and come on, FUDGE. Plus, fancy meals that I get to cook for those I love because I'm actually a terrible gift-giver. Unless it's a meal, then I will stuff you to the gills and ply you with wine until you admit you love me.

(I'm a neglected middle child, what can I say.)

I also have always had a fascination with things like doll houses, models of ships and things, weetiny spaces with weetiny furnishings in which to fill said space. My Papa had a model ship that I would walk my fingers over every time I visited. I'd scramble up the cargo net and walk the plank and secretly wish I could take it home with me. I had a Barbie Dreamhouse (the kind with the elevator on the side that was 3 stories and it was made out of cardboard, not the fancy plastic one) that had me believing in Santa for years. True story. (I thought it must cost a million, trillion dollars - it was a dream house, people - and there was no way my parents could afford it, ergo, Santa is real. I was in the third grade.)

As a child we had an old school Nativity that went on a shelf (we didn't have a mantle, or as my sister called it, a Withcare. I'll give you a minute to decipher that one, ADORABLE.) and it had porcelain figurines that accompanied it, a pure white angle that hung off the top of the manger, a blond, blue-eyed baby Jesus (lol) in a little portable manger and some cows, not to mention the 3 Wise Men, Mary and Joseph. AWESOME. I got in a lot of trouble as a little girl for playing with them. "You don't play with the baby Jesus, Laura Anne, they're sacred!"

Well, they shouldn't have made him so cute, huh? Probably should have put some spring traps on the figurines that shoot out spikes to make you drop it.

Anyway, I don't put out a Nativity because I get that it's sacred to a lot of you. (You in general, I know you're all on the internets and can't see my house, and if you can, YOU NEED TO STOP, CREEPY CREEPER.) But I want one this year. I don't want a Baby Jesus Proper Nativity, I want the following figurines:

For Baby Jesus: Wee Cthulhu (I found one with a bobbing head!)
For the Angel on High: The Spider Woman who created the universe by spinning a web
For Mary: Kali
For Joseph: a Cylon action figure
For the 3 Wise Men: Albert Einstein action figure, Charles Darwin, and if I can find it, Carl Sagan action figure. (Otherwise I might go with a Spike figure as a Wise Ass Man.)
For the barn animals: Assorted random animal figurines like a platypus, a unicorn, etc. etc.

THIS PLEASES ME GREATLY. I know it's offensive to someone out there, but I'm just playing around with mythical creatures (barring the Wise Men) because I think it's kinda hilarious. I would, um, hide it when my folks came over, or just not put it out where prominent so as to not offend them to their faces. See? I'm not so horrible!

Oh, I am, who are we kidding. CTHUHLU! The Great Old One on my mantle, stealing the soul of all who enter. It would be pretty awesome.

and I've kinda already started buying the figurines...

Finishing up prompts from yesterday will have to be put on hold as I've remembered a project I didn't finish before the guests came. I have GOT to be better about finishing things, ugh.

Also, there's half a pan of fudge in my kitchen, and I kinda need a nom.


( 96 comments — Leave a comment )
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Dec. 1st, 2010 07:58 pm (UTC)
Mini!sis believed in Santa until she was 9. When her friend told her Santa wasn't real and that your parents gave you the presents, she replied: "I got 22 presents last year and there is NO way MY mother would buy me 22 presents."

I have a bajillionty nativity sets, but no Cthulhu.
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:02 pm (UTC)
HEEEEE, your sister is cute, and that was my way of thinking, too. I think I held on until 5th grade.

Dec. 1st, 2010 08:00 pm (UTC)

If someone's offended, they need to be.
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:03 pm (UTC)
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:00 pm (UTC)
My favorite ever gift from my aunt was a T-shirt that showed a classic nativity scene, with a voice bubble coming up that said, "It's a girl!" :-)
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:03 pm (UTC)
... - vermin_nz - Dec. 1st, 2010 08:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - aimeelicious - Dec. 2nd, 2010 05:25 am (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:14 pm (UTC)
Your idea is spectacular! I already have an einstein bobble head.. now to convince the husband to collect the rest of the items. I think his only objection would be that we're hosting christmas this year and his mother and my parents are actually religious...
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:29 pm (UTC)
There's an actual Einstein action figure that you can buy, it's awesome!
... - fishwithfeet - Dec. 1st, 2010 09:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
... - chiere - Dec. 6th, 2010 01:19 am (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:20 pm (UTC)
No Stephen Hawking as one of the three wise men? Stoney, I am disappoint.

ION: I also had the cardboard three-story Barbie dreamhouse with the elevator! Best part was that the elevator sides only went up about halfway and Barbie would always fall out on the way up. IT'S A DREAMHOUSE, BARBIE, NOT A DEATHHOUSE.
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:27 pm (UTC)
STEPHEN HAWKING! If I could find one, he would be Man #1, bearing a gift of the Necronomicon or a small model of DNA. :D

Ahahaha, I forgot about Barbie falling out of it. I do remember the swanky mid-century decorations (and pool!) photographs that were glued to the cardboard "walls."
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:22 pm (UTC)
Unfortunately, that would seriously offend my hubby.

I find it hilarious, though.
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:28 pm (UTC)
Really? Like seriously be offended? I guess I'm just still surprised that people get offended by random stuff like this. (I mean, hey, slushie in the face, offensive slur is one thing. But still.)
... - ryokomusouka - Dec. 1st, 2010 09:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:34 pm (UTC)
I'm coming to your house for Christmas!

Or rather, I'm coming in to your house for Christmas. Creeping is a lonely business. Besides, it's cold out here and these shrubs chafe.
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:44 pm (UTC)
HAHA, I have found you out for I have no shrubs! Well, unless you count a rose as a shrub. Touche, madam, touche.
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:34 pm (UTC)
LOVE your nativity idea! That's lovely. :)

And you said, "I have GOT to be better about finishing things, ugh."

You could finish that pan of fudge. That would be finishing something. ;)
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:44 pm (UTC)
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:45 pm (UTC)
Ummm. you forgot the Dalek...

Dec. 1st, 2010 09:39 pm (UTC)
Why, the Dalek goes with the barn animals, of course! (Unless I build the nativity to look like a giant TARDIS, which could be awesome...)
... - strtmyorange - Dec. 2nd, 2010 05:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 1st, 2010 08:51 pm (UTC)
I see nothing blasphemous here. Want to go caroling?

There are a lot of these on YouTube. I've been happily memorizing them for the holiday season. I especially recommend "Oh, Cthulhu!" "Silent Night, Blasphemous Night" and "Awake Ye Scary Great Old Ones."
Dec. 1st, 2010 09:19 pm (UTC)
Ha! Spectacular!
... - stoney321 - Dec. 1st, 2010 09:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 1st, 2010 09:08 pm (UTC)
Do you know my friend Jess? (poisoninjest). She has an action figure nativity every year and she posts pics to her lj. One year the phantom of the opera swung from a chandelier over the baby Jesus while Spike and Superman looked on. Ah, holiday cheer...
Dec. 1st, 2010 09:46 pm (UTC)

Have a lovely night tonight! (One of eight...crazy...niiiiiights!)
Dec. 1st, 2010 09:13 pm (UTC)
Unicorn? Excellent.

I got interested and started looking up historical action figures. Jesus! Chief Crazy Horse! Blackbeard! You could stage an entire play with these things. It's amazing. Didn't see any Carl Sagan action figures, though I did see a lot of people saying they'd buy one.
Dec. 1st, 2010 09:46 pm (UTC)
I'm really struggling to find a Carl Sagan one, which is just a BUMMER. Because yeah, who WOULDN'T want one?
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 1st, 2010 09:48 pm (UTC)
It's because anything where it's babies representing adults is creepy. Aww, they're naked and talking about love! Aww, their naked and cooking! GROCE.

Ahahaha, that's because you are my friend and you love me. (True story, TIFFANY sings "Gordok, Did you know?" every year, too. She knows nothing of fandom, she just thinks that's weirdly hilarious. Tiffany. I KNOW.)
Dec. 1st, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)
I love this Nativity concept and want pictures.
Dec. 1st, 2010 09:48 pm (UTC)
Oh, there will be pictures!
Dec. 1st, 2010 09:36 pm (UTC)
I am an atheist. But! I adore Christmas.

Me too! Sometimes it's awkward. I *love* the sound of your nativity. But I think you accidentally missed the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Dec. 1st, 2010 09:50 pm (UTC)
....that's Cthulhu. ;) Just a kinder, gentler version because Cthulhu will eat your soul as he is one of the Old Ones. Ha ha ha.

Everyone's represented! I think I'm going to make the manger shaped like a TARDIS. Lol.
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( 96 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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