Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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Before it starts getting dark out there...

I wanted to wish my Jewish friends a Happy Chanukah. May your candle burn bright!

Now, in more blasphemous news, I'm probably going to offend someone with this. Eh, it makes me laugh, and I'm not putting it in your home, so....

As many of you know (and if you've ever looked at my user info page) you'll note that I am a heathen. A horrorshow on two legs. Yes, Virginia, I am an atheist. But! I adore Christmas. By which I mean that I adore Western/Modern Christmas which is all about trampling people to death to buy an electronic race track that your children will be bored with after fifteen minutes of play and also the time-honored tradition of over eating.

That's a holiday I can support.

OK, OK, I have never and WILL NEVER shop on a Black Friday, I try to buy things that have meaning/use for people I love with no expectations of getting things in return, and I delight in twinkle lights and the smell of fresh cut pine/cedar, and come on, FUDGE. Plus, fancy meals that I get to cook for those I love because I'm actually a terrible gift-giver. Unless it's a meal, then I will stuff you to the gills and ply you with wine until you admit you love me.

(I'm a neglected middle child, what can I say.)

I also have always had a fascination with things like doll houses, models of ships and things, weetiny spaces with weetiny furnishings in which to fill said space. My Papa had a model ship that I would walk my fingers over every time I visited. I'd scramble up the cargo net and walk the plank and secretly wish I could take it home with me. I had a Barbie Dreamhouse (the kind with the elevator on the side that was 3 stories and it was made out of cardboard, not the fancy plastic one) that had me believing in Santa for years. True story. (I thought it must cost a million, trillion dollars - it was a dream house, people - and there was no way my parents could afford it, ergo, Santa is real. I was in the third grade.)

As a child we had an old school Nativity that went on a shelf (we didn't have a mantle, or as my sister called it, a Withcare. I'll give you a minute to decipher that one, ADORABLE.) and it had porcelain figurines that accompanied it, a pure white angle that hung off the top of the manger, a blond, blue-eyed baby Jesus (lol) in a little portable manger and some cows, not to mention the 3 Wise Men, Mary and Joseph. AWESOME. I got in a lot of trouble as a little girl for playing with them. "You don't play with the baby Jesus, Laura Anne, they're sacred!"

Well, they shouldn't have made him so cute, huh? Probably should have put some spring traps on the figurines that shoot out spikes to make you drop it.

Anyway, I don't put out a Nativity because I get that it's sacred to a lot of you. (You in general, I know you're all on the internets and can't see my house, and if you can, YOU NEED TO STOP, CREEPY CREEPER.) But I want one this year. I don't want a Baby Jesus Proper Nativity, I want the following figurines:

For Baby Jesus: Wee Cthulhu (I found one with a bobbing head!)
For the Angel on High: The Spider Woman who created the universe by spinning a web
For Mary: Kali
For Joseph: a Cylon action figure
For the 3 Wise Men: Albert Einstein action figure, Charles Darwin, and if I can find it, Carl Sagan action figure. (Otherwise I might go with a Spike figure as a Wise Ass Man.)
For the barn animals: Assorted random animal figurines like a platypus, a unicorn, etc. etc.

THIS PLEASES ME GREATLY. I know it's offensive to someone out there, but I'm just playing around with mythical creatures (barring the Wise Men) because I think it's kinda hilarious. I would, um, hide it when my folks came over, or just not put it out where prominent so as to not offend them to their faces. See? I'm not so horrible!

Oh, I am, who are we kidding. CTHUHLU! The Great Old One on my mantle, stealing the soul of all who enter. It would be pretty awesome.

and I've kinda already started buying the figurines...

Finishing up prompts from yesterday will have to be put on hold as I've remembered a project I didn't finish before the guests came. I have GOT to be better about finishing things, ugh.

Also, there's half a pan of fudge in my kitchen, and I kinda need a nom.
Tags: holidays, random statements, stoney sucks

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