Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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More fun with Carols, or as I call them: Karruhls

crazydiamondsue made me do it. My family is a strange one: we sit around and bastardize songs all the time, so I can't help but want to turn Christmas songs in Buffy-themed songs. Maybe it'll make your caroling more fun, or like me, you can giggle to yourself as you sit through your father's Christmas Program at the performance hall and earn a few stern looks. Previous carols can be found here and here

More Carols
Gordok, Did you Know? sung to Mary, Did you Know? Words cannot express how much I loathe this song. Pedantic and triffling. So? I imagine a group of demons/insect looking things worshiping their version of the "Blessed Babe," and for the sake of argument, the "God" of their dimension is Throk. On with the parody!

Gordok, did you know?
That your unhatched egg will one day rule our nation?
Gordok, did you know?
That this puape can feed our whole population?
Did you know?
That it's adult form would raize the entire planet?
This unhatched egg you have laid
Will soon be feeding you.

Gordok, did you know?
That the citizens of our race - they are starving?
Gordok, did you know?
That this larval feast has begun, and guess who's carving?
Did you know?
That your baby has a picquant taste of almonds?
And when you taste your little baby
You've tasted our own Throk.

I Came Upon My Lover's Rear, sung to It Came upon a Midnight Clear, performed by Spike (he has the better voice).

I came upon my lover's rear
That glorious tushie so taut.
My Angel bending over the bed
He looked so lovely and hot.

Oh, God! I'm cummiinnng!" he exclaimed
And that? My cue to explode.
And we in exhausted stillness lay
In our dark skyrise abode.

~~~Christmas in Sunnydale, sung to Christmas in Killarney

The grass is green, the trees are green
The warmest of climates you've ever seen.
It's Christmas in Sunnydale
With out any trace of snow.

It's nice you know, to kiss your beau
While Xander is sleeping in mys'try snow
And The First has been stopped, you see
The sun won't kill Angel, no.

The crypts are always open
The vampires pay a call
And Techno-Pagan Miss Jenny
Will come back to haunt you all.

How good (not sad!) to stop The Big Bad
And renew the great love that you once had
I'm handing you no tall tales
The likes you've never known
It's Christmas in Sunnydale
You've saved the one Vamp you've "known!"

~~~I Saw Xander kissing Sleazy Spike, Sung to I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, sung by Dawn

I saw Xander kissing sleazy Spike
Underneath the "stalker tree" last night,
They didn't see me sneak
Out the doors to have a peek
They thought I was tucked up
In my bedroom fast alseep

I saw Xander kissing sleazy Spike
Underneath his black T-shirt so tight
Oh, What a laugh it woud have been
If Buffy had only seen
Xander kissing her boyfriend last night!

~~O Holy Night, sung by Xander (Imagine the version by Luciano Pavaratti)

O Holy night,
Willow is brightly shining.
It is the night when we bring Buffy back.

Long lay SoCal in demons and in vampires,
We need her back so we all do not die.

Willow is writhing, snakes are shooting out of her.
We all stand back and watch the Wicca work.

Oh! Holy Crap!
The demons broke the one urn
Poor Buffy is lost...
No wait, she has come back.

O night sublime!
It is the night
That Buffy's home
O night sublime!
Wait I think...
She's not right.

~~And you knew it was coming...
The 12 Days of Christmas Sung by Angel (The Spangel version!)
On the first day of Christmas, my OTP gave me:

A Vampire named Spike that turns wee!

On the second day of Christmas my OTP gave me:

Two evil rivals and a....
Three blondish lovers
Four times with Buffy (I'm assuming they did it thrice on their "special 24 hours" - work with me, people.)
Six licensed workers
Seventies were awful
Eight apocolypses
Nine bedroom partners
Ten decades of soul-hood
Eleven Black Thorn Members
Twelve eps with Ho-oltz

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