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Conversation I had with myself today at the gas station:

Me: Glad I just filled up my tank before bad weather hits.
Me: Who cares? You're not going to drive on the ice, why bother?
Me: Because you always need a full tank, that's End of Days Preparation 101, yo
Me: Did you just say "yo," white girl?
Me: *ignores* What if you need to siphon off gas for Molotov cocktails? Or just get out of town?
Me: You live on the outskirts, you're already out of town.
Me: But, where do you think all of the city people will flee?
Me: Hmm, good point.
Me: Plus, last ditch efforts of survival, I can shoot the gas tank and blow up my car and take out any scavengers/undead that might come too close
Me: OK, that would look awesome, continue.

ION, I was at the fabric store in the hoity toity part of town and straight up got a head to toe, pearl clutching, oh my god look from some woman. SORRY I DIDN'T WEAR CHANNEL TO CALICO CORNERS, BITCH. I'm sorry. My sincerest apologies. Also, how did you like my tattoo that's exposed by my COLE HAAN LOAFERS? Yes, I'm a tattooed preppy gal who years for a Birkin bag and an octopus tattoo on my other foot.

I'm an onion, I have layers. Also? I'll make you cry. I'm not stinky, though, because I'm super keen on hygiene. <--I want to make iron ons that say that and give them to all the teen-aged boys ever.

Oh, and that lady? I raised my eyebrows and mouthed "WOW" at her. That'll show 'em. LOL.


( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:25 pm (UTC)
I actually like the smell of onions and garlic, but I have been told numerous times that I am gay/insane/a secret jew.

Also, my End of Days Prep 101 is having a secret still in a shack in the woods, so you can trade everything you need for alcohol and, when push comes to shove, kill everybody with tainted booze.
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:31 pm (UTC)
We have a still, too! But it's mostly so we can drink ourselves to sleep during the day (and stay awake at night, IMPORTANT STUFF.)

Oh, and for disinfecting.

Feb. 8th, 2011 10:27 pm (UTC)
Booze. Water. Cigs. Bullets. Medicine. Food. In that order. That's the Dow Jones of the zombie apocalypse.
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:30 pm (UTC)
A moment of scary:

I had a very similar conversation with myself today while pumping gas. It also included zombies. It did not include the word "yo" but I am seriously considering reenacting the moment and revising it to include said word. My version also included airships. I encourage you to include them in your next conversation with yourself. They really add depth and perspective.

I would be frightened by this moment of scary, but I find it awesome in a weird sorta parallel universe way.
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:32 pm (UTC)
I LIKE AIRSHIPS. And today is Jules Verne's birthday, too!

You should post the convo, I will support that.
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:39 pm (UTC)
It went something like this:

Me: Why are you getting gas? Are you planning to drive during the snowpacolypse tomorrow?
Me: If I run out of beer; yes.
Me: But you stocked up.
Me: I suppose you're going to tell me I have enough to survive snow and zombies? Because I think the zombies will be next.
Me: No. But isn't that why El Jefe is planning to build his airship. So you can fly above the zombies and shoot them in the head from a safe distance? And also avoid traffic and black ice?
Me: True story. But the airship isn't built and I need gas so that I can get beer tomorrow if I do happen to run out.
Me: Fair enough.
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:50 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure I can support your airship zombie plan, Mel. How will you continue to generate hot air? Are you bringing Sarah Palin and making her talk up into the balloon? That would work, I'm just saying. If you can nab James Carville, you could go around the world.
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:55 pm (UTC)
actually, we have a plan. And it involves helium...and a fantastic material that the French have used for a larger balloon that has not lost any gas for 7 years. We'll have at least 7 years. And after my dream of zombies that spit ACID, I've decided airship attack is much safer and more hygienic than ground battles...because it is ACID. and ACID burns.

It is with science that we will defeat the undead from above...

BTW, I would rather die of zombie acid than have sarah palin on my airship. hahaha
Feb. 8th, 2011 10:07 pm (UTC)
So mylar. You're going to travel the world with a cluster of "get well soon" balloons from the hospital, just admit it.

Oooh, if Zombies spit acid we're going to have to initiate the Ripley Plan of action.
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:49 pm (UTC)
Without fail I read it as:

Ion, [...]

Sometimes it makes everything more interesting. Other times, it's such a false lead-in.
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:51 pm (UTC)
Well, if I'm gassy, it leads to some negative reactions, so you're not wrong.

Feb. 8th, 2011 10:19 pm (UTC)


Also, great +icon kicker.
Feb. 8th, 2011 10:19 pm (UTC)
There is a luminescence bay in Puerto Rico where you can swim at night and walk around and look like you're in TRON. It's pretty boss.
Feb. 8th, 2011 10:36 pm (UTC)
Yes! That place. Amazecakes. Bioluminescence is one of my favorite things. Abyss to cave to glow worms.
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:51 pm (UTC)
and just to use this icon.
Feb. 8th, 2011 09:54 pm (UTC)
At what point during that inner conversation did you look up to realise that you'd been dousing yourself in petrol?
Feb. 8th, 2011 10:06 pm (UTC)
when the old man next to me threw his cigarette butt towards me
Feb. 8th, 2011 10:16 pm (UTC)
Everybody KNOWS you don't face a major storm of ANY type without a last-minute run to both the gas station and the grocery store. Even if you don't need anything.
Feb. 8th, 2011 10:20 pm (UTC)
And you have to panic and buy all the toilet paper. ALL OF IT.
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 8th, 2011 11:08 pm (UTC)
Myself is totally about reason! But I'm not much of a good listener.

Feb. 8th, 2011 10:45 pm (UTC)
I am clutching my pearls and looking at the screen stunned, Stoney. Stunned! You wear shoes when you're in the hoity toity part of town? Poser.
Feb. 8th, 2011 11:10 pm (UTC)
Normally I jess shuffle in thar in my grocery shoes (read: bare feet, coated in asphalt) and scritch my pits, but I's trying ter elervate my look.
Feb. 8th, 2011 10:58 pm (UTC)
Plus there's the potential for damage to the hoses if your car freezes with a low tank of gas. The water vapor can tear them when it freezes. I found out the hard way.
Feb. 8th, 2011 11:10 pm (UTC)
Oh, I have a covered garage that stays constant at 50, so that's not a problem, but yeah - torn hoses BLOW.
Feb. 9th, 2011 12:03 am (UTC)
How DARE you sully that woman's eyes with your presence! I mean how COULD you?? Going around upsetting someone's delicate sensibilities!!!

LOL seriously how rude of that woman to judge you like that. She can fuck off. XD
Feb. 9th, 2011 12:57 am (UTC)
I kind of love you

I have conversations with myself all the time
Feb. 9th, 2011 06:11 am (UTC)
My favorite hoity-toity get up includes dirty jeans with a generous amount of horse hair on the butt from riding bareback and crusty old cowboy boots with some unidentifiable stuff on the bottom. Man, do you get the once over! Then pay with $100 bills! (I am of the opinion that my beloved works at NASA to help keep me in horse hair factories! =-D)
Feb. 9th, 2011 07:19 pm (UTC)
My best one to date: Coach bag, Ecco flats and a long wool/cashmere winter coat over smoochie-lips pajama bottoms and cotton candy-pink wool socks.
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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