Those of you who have been reading this journal for awhile know my love of bad!fic. I'm talking horrible word choices, terribly wrong metaphors, and outlandish dialogue. On purpose. "Cream of cum?" "SHE-JUICE???" That's like watching some dude in a polyester suit hit on a super-model. Good time, family fun. That being said, I am not talking about "vaginal muscles contracting like a pissed off alligator." I'm talking about really good writers who I enjoy on a regular basis, but no one in particular.
One reason why you almost always have to take a movie based on a book on it's own merit is because the words have different meanings to each of us when we read it. When I hear about the blue of Spike's eyes, (azure, sea, old jeans, whatever) I have triggers in my brain that subconsciously flash an image connected to my life's experiences. I had a babysitter with a blue shirt I liked, or a school teacher with blue eyes, etc. My "faded blue denim" isn't the same as yours. Which is fine, and why so many of us love to read: we can connect on such a deeper level to the words of a really good writer because of our subconscious triggers. Because they lead us by the hand to the gate, but we see a different garden through that gate than the person standing next to us.
That being said, I like reading erotica and porn (no!! Really?) and I've even dabbled in writing some. I like the experience of "seeing" the action in my head, but... There is a difference between giving me enough information so my mind-movie can play it out as I read and shoving the camera lens up someone's ass and hitting zoom. Do I really need to see each and every hair on the man's sphinctre? The fold of her "inner walls?" Keep in mind that this is coming from a biologist. I've dissected my own cadaver, have had my hands inside more things than I care to print... If I want to read a medical forensics report, I'll go hit my old autopsy books. (Yes, I have a few hidden somewhere.)
My emphasis was Microbiology meaning: two semesters of disease, one of which was STDs. Now, I hear "leaking" cock, and I'm reaching for penicillin. I have an aunt who was head of ER for 30 years and she told us kids horror stories to keep it in our pants. The things people use for lube in their stories... Really? I mean, PEANUT BUTTER? Ya fucking kidding me? First off... EW. Dirty hole! Dirty hole!! Second, isn't it a little too sticky to work? And I swear to god it was chunky. Lord, bless us all. Another: motor oil? If the smell didn't knock you out, the FUCKING BURNING HOLE would. Wow.
In a nutshell, I say we use the upcoming holiday "down-time" for practice. And by practice, I mean, have lots of sex with your partner. You! The "motor oil for lube" person! Give that stuff a whirl and then report back. Can you walk, for example. Did you have to have any IVs to repair the damage to your body? I'll be the control, you do the wacky stuff, mm'kay? Think about what plays out in your head when you are "getting excited" and how much detail is just enough. In my opinion, the writers that give just enough to let my imagination take over (I really don't need to see the gaping ring of love, I'm serious.) are the best. And there are a lot of them out there. For the rest, I have my penicillin doses ready for your leaking cocks.
[ETA] Words that make a bit of puke come up: glistening (unless it's referring to snow. I don't want my hoochie to glisten, or someone's face to glisten after paying "me" a visit, moist (I've never liked this word. probably because I used to grow mushrooms and you have to keep the medium MOIST. Not sexy to me.)leaking as explained above = sounds like sick dick, and I hope no one ever sticks their tongue out at someone again. I have never seen anyone off the playground doing this ever, and it bugs me when older people in stories do it. THIS IS JUST ME, so don't get your knickers in a glistening, moist, leaky twist! *pokes tongue out*
[EDIT FOR ANGER FACTOR] Just finished my local paper where they were asking the local bon vivants what they wanted for Christmas, and one woman, decked out in her Hermes scarves and bags with a FUR STOLE, said she wanted, "real African ivory bangles FOR FUN." (Emphasis mine.) I want to drag her ass to Malawei and rub her face in the bloody stump on an elephant's face where they cut her ivory off. Maybe for Christmas I'll get an uptight, rich bitch's hands for earrings! Wow. That was angry. Sorry, but OMGWTF??