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When you save a life, you get to take a life, right? I'm going to look for a clown hooker, if that's the case.

Remember the bird nest in my climbing rose? This is my Juliet rose, which is one of the thornier roses around (to discourage any Romeos climbing it, you see. Hurr. Botanists are nerds.) and smart mama dove put her nest in the strongest fork which is well protected by criss-crossing canes out in front of it. Totally secure, even if it's directly over the window in my office where the kittens have stared at it for days.

"SOON." That's what they're thinking.

The egg hatched this week, and a big wind blew through yesterday morning for a few minutes, just long enough to knock the baby out of its nest while mama was getting some food. I learned this when Smidgen leaped at the window, her kitten nose pressed to the glass and her front legs splayed wide and high. Her tail was wagging, and she started meowing piteously. I looked out the window and what did I see? Baby bird alone - not with Mommy.

All day I watched it walk here and there under the plants (I have a nice, toothy agave that it smartly took shelter under - we have red tailed hawks here.) not sure if I should intervene.

Late in the afternoon, I heard mama dove cooing to it, and the baby tried to coo back. SAD FACE!! It was wobbling to and fro, the mama was cooing incessantly, and I decided enough was enough. I got #2 to grab the step ladder and hold it against the house near the nest. I put on my leather work gloves and tried to sneak up on the baby. You know what is near impossible? Sneaking up on a bird.

The baby spread its wings and flapped feebly, but just enough to help get a little lift and glide along the stone path. Damn it! I walked down there, calmly and slowly (all three cats are now standing with their arms over their heads at the window, willing it to open. Also, you know what is hilarious? Cat armpits.) We went back and forth with it flapping and going a few feet, me sloooooowly walking towards it, crouched down, did this in the cul-de-sac, the lawn, the flower bed, the sidewalk. The neighbors were now standing at the end of their walks watching the crazy lady squat-walking with leather gloves and yoga capris, all while barefoot because I'm classy.

Finally caught the baby, made a little cage with my hands so I wouldn't hurt it (oh, it was just the teeniest thing!) and got to the ladder, climbed it, and was about three feet short of the nest. DAMN IT. Well, maybe it could hop along the canes to the nest? Anything is better than being on the ground, because a neighbor has an outdoor cat that has taken over Darthanne's Night Stalking Duties. I reached in as far as I could (getting scratched to hell by the rose) and held it next to a thick rose cane that led right up to the nest.

The bird hopped off my hand and fell right back to the ground. GAAAAAAH!!! A quicker round of "catch the bird" followed, a work truck of landscapers is now sitting in the cul-de-sac watching me, and I got a bright idea.

"#2! Run up to your room (which is right over the nest) and open up your window. Keep the cats out, I'm coming in."

I caught the bird again, ran in through the garage and up the stairs with Sally Derg at my heels. "What is that? What is that, mama? I WANT TO SMELL IT WHAT IS IT AROOOOOOOO!" #2 shut Sally out of her bedroom, I leaned out the window with my kid on my heels because it is a long drop down, and it's a long drop into a thorny rose bush. Mama Dove looked up at me, panicked (because we have discovered her! She was so well hidden!) and I reached down. About a foot from the nest this time, nooo!

She built her nest well. I opened my hand and let the baby hop onto a cane right over the nest. SURELY it can hop down to the nest, right? It was so tuckered out it just stayed where I put it. We quickly backed out of the window, shut it, and ran outside to see what would happen. One of my neighbors gave me a thumbs up. The truck pulled away. And the baby stayed where it was. Hmm.

I went in, started dinner, ate, got the kids going on the dishes, and went outside to see what progress had been made in an hour and a half. Mama had gotten out of her nest and was snuggled next to the baby on its rose cane. AWWW. I left them alone for the night, and this morning, all is well: baby and mama were happily in their nest, and I'm assuming a flight lesson will be happening soon. One of the up and down variety, seeing as baby has gliding down pat.

Now the kitties are searching at every window, wondering where their Happy Meal went. Ha, suckers! If anything, the kids were relieved and now check the nest on their way to school and any other spare minute they have. Cute.

I get to spend the day with my sister dampersnspoons and we're going to check out cool thrift shops and eat and there will be laughing and joy. Hump Day, folks! The weekend is practically upon us.

If you need something hilarious and great to read, you should read Sam's recap of the movie Thor at Hey, Don't Judge Me. That's another movie I want to see, it's getting good reviews from friends.


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
May. 11th, 2011 02:13 pm (UTC)
Well, #2 is bigger than me (taller by almost half a foot!) so with her on my legs, there was no way I was going anywhere. :D

Oh, of course no one offered to help! (Most of them didn't even speak English.) Then again, too many people chasing a bird probably would have been frightening/bad for the baby, IDK.

Oh my god, the CATS!! They have been so hilarious. They're still babies so they're not sure what to do with their instincts. Hope tries to teach them how to do the "kkk-kkk-kkk-kkk!" quiver mouth thing that cats do, but they've not picked up on the technique. Sally's just happy to be where ever the gang is, that's about the extent of her interest. LOL.
May. 11th, 2011 03:33 pm (UTC)
My kittens, who I think about your's age, have got the clicking thing down pat, but the local wildlife is so unafraid of them it's hilarious. We have several squirrels who know I'm a soft heart (I opened the bird-feeder for them b/c one's pregnant and another's got some scar or something! and it was raining and I didn't have any squirrel food!) and they hang out all day munching, while my kittens click away and *STARE* at them. It's gotten to the point that the squirrels are watching *us*, watching them, watching us. It's very meta.
Yesterday I was watching something w/ a dog barking suddenly and the squirrel and my kittens all fell off their respective perches in surprise. It was beautifully synchronized.
May. 11th, 2011 02:11 pm (UTC)

*coos to mama and baby bird*
May. 11th, 2011 02:15 pm (UTC)
I knew you would be so happy to hear this!!!!!!

I can hear mama cooing to the baby right now. She's perched on the Mr's truck, maybe trying to engage in a little flight lesson. <3
May. 11th, 2011 02:21 pm (UTC)
May. 11th, 2011 02:38 pm (UTC)

May. 11th, 2011 02:24 pm (UTC)
The cats all splayed at the window had me laughing. They were probably thinking you were going to be a nice mama and bring the happy meal in for them to play with and then when you did and proceeded to be a big tease and put it backout the window...Pure torture!

Yay thrift shops! I hope you find lots of set pieces for "Stallion Crest."
May. 11th, 2011 02:29 pm (UTC)
It was like a comic panel from The Far Side, I was laughing so hard at their desperation.

ME, TOO!! You just reminded me to pack some of the turbans I've made to show my sister, lol.
May. 11th, 2011 02:34 pm (UTC)
I suspect that the firm and elaborate basket nest in the Grimes Golden treeright over my new chicken run belongs to the mourning doves I hear all the time but only rarely see. Admirable birds, although I'm less nervous of their presence now that someone's told me to put medicated chick scratch against coccidiosis in my feeders (that disease takes whole communities of songbirds ocassionally, so it's a flock-immunity kind of thing).

Hooray for taking care of the birds: we are part of nature, we change nature and add species and we need to be mindful of how we can help.

Julia, with someone to help building today, so of course it's raining, argh.
May. 11th, 2011 03:06 pm (UTC)

Aww, such a nice story. :-)

Love the image of the cats splayed against the window. It's too bad no one took pictures. That would've made an awesome LOL cats.
May. 11th, 2011 03:37 pm (UTC)
I've rescued many a bird, usually those poor bastards who Head-Window at my parents' house. I haven't tried to the baby bird rescue since I was younger. Some shithead neighbor kid had knocked a bird's nest out of a tree and traumatized Betsy spent a good hour trying to get the nest back up and touching all the babies with my bare hands and then sitting and trying to will the mama bird back. Came back the next day and of course they were all dead.
I bet the living hell out of that kid so hard! And then cried, when I learned that it was probably my fault the mama had rejected them.
May. 11th, 2011 03:51 pm (UTC)
YAY! So glad you were able to save the baby!

I have a robin's nest in my back yard int eh crook of one of my downspouts. I worry about them in the wind, but it seems to be holding.
May. 11th, 2011 05:30 pm (UTC)
"Also, you know what is hilarious? Cat armpits." - YES.

"watching the crazy lady squat-walking with leather gloves and yoga capris, all while barefoot because I'm classy." - You know what's classy? When my cats get out of my backyard and sneak into the neighbor's yard and can't get out. I creep over there in my big purple fuzzy robe, pajamas and flip flops to rescue my dumbass cats in the dark. I should probably knock on the neighbor's door before I do that, or they'll think Grimace is robbing them. :)

May. 11th, 2011 06:22 pm (UTC)
You have done your good deed for the month. So feel free to be nasty if you want to, you earned bonus goodness points.
May. 11th, 2011 10:41 pm (UTC)
I've never considered cat armpits. And now I have.
May. 11th, 2011 10:47 pm (UTC)
While you were saving a dove's life I was saluting one as it made it's last journey into a rubbish bin. I think it was a dove, it was white and huge, maybe a pidgeon, maybe a baby pterodactyl, who knows.

On one side of the world a life was given a second chance, on the other, enough feathers to refil my duvet. Sunrise, sunset.
May. 12th, 2011 01:24 am (UTC)
This is the bestest story ever!! You are my hero. <333
May. 12th, 2011 06:48 am (UTC)
So cute! I rescued a half feral kitten once in a horse pasture, but that's the limit of animal rescues I've accomplished.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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