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Fandom Dinosaur post *shakes cane*

So, it seems I have a fandom now. I have NO IDEA how it happened when the source material makes me crazed. Glee. I'm talking Glee. OK, there are parts of the show I love - anything Brittany, I mean, come on, she's awesome - anything evil Sue, Kurt, obv. and Finn when they make him not talk and he just stands there because that is the type I've had since I was 8, it ain't changing anytime soon.

So. flaming_muse posted a fic the other day (I linked yesterday) and I read it. It's Blaine/Kurt. Guys, I've not read fanfiction in... wow, almost 2 years. About as long as since I've written it.

Today I went hunting through the comms, etc., after reading every single thing Flaming Muse wrote (and honey pie, you're writing canon, as far as I'm concerned) and looking for any and all B/K fics. WOW IS THERE SOME CRAP. (She warned me, but... you just have to experience it.) And old timers around here know that I know from bad!fic, am I right?

weaping [sic] cock
weeping cock
leaking cock
I ought to spit in your mouth, you jerk, for writing drooling cock, how dare you!? Lol.

Also, I hate when someone labels a fic NC-17 (whoo hoo!) and it's for SWEARING. Fuck you, Miss Lonelyhearts. Put down your English Rose tea set, shove the cat off your lap, and learn how to fucking be an adult. NC-17 means one or more of the following:

detailed and graphic sex, be it anal, vaginal, oral, facial, armpital
lots of nudity
lots of wishing there was nudity (because sex while dressed is fun) BUT THERE MUST BE SEX.

Also, I had three chapters (very well written, I might add) build up some serious UST and then there was, and I'm not making this up, "They kissed and they kissed and they kissed." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. You labeled this R, prissy prude boots!

Jesus. WHERE IS MY WELL WRITTEN SMUT? My PWPs? My agonizing multi-chaptered plotty stories with great sex scenes?! Goddamn kids these days.

And now I want to write Glee fic. SCREW YOU, UNIVERSE. I hate when I have to write my own smut. I'm awesome with the jokes, the smut is eh from me. (Well, I have some things that are pretty bad ass, I must say. BUT STILL.) I need kita0610 or sweptawaybayou or lynnenne or savoytruffle or crazydiamondsue or entrenous88 to write me some good old fashioned Jossverse-awesome pr0n. But about Kurt and Blaine.

I MISS THE OLD DAYS, GANG. I miss the free flowing, well written fanfic of yesteryear, the long long ago. Wah. And my tag is misleading. IT'S NOT EVEN BAD ENOUGH TO MOCK. (Well, there are some, but I have to make dinner now.)

ETA and it's funny how things don't change: mpreg, body switch, magical healing sex, abusive fathers, therapy fics (shudder) and the one thing that shocks me, NO SONGFIC SO FAR. FOR GLEE. I know!


Jun. 2nd, 2011 11:54 pm (UTC)
so awful, it gave me capslock.

Well, unless you have a herm or transgender or alien character. But otherwise, we know damn well it's going in someone's butt, so let's just call it what it is, yes? tl;dr OH MY GOD WHO FAPS TO 'BOYPUSSY'
Jun. 2nd, 2011 11:56 pm (UTC)
Re: so awful, it gave me capslock.
I HATE HATE HATE when girls write boys like they're GIRLS. THEY ARE NOT. They don't cry and eat ice cream and dream of having babies come out of their assholes. OK, I'm sure someone has thought that, BUT IT IS NOT THE NORM.
Jun. 3rd, 2011 12:31 am (UTC)
Re: so awful, it gave me capslock.
Wait a minute! That's not fair! Kurt cries AND eats ice cream! That's canon! I mean, he may not dream of having Blaine's assbabies...that we know of...but the other stuff?

Of course, when he's finished with the tears and caloric comfort, he puts on something FABULOUS and shreds egos with the ferocity of his sharp tongue and pitch perfect lyrics. *cough* Because he is AWESOME.
Jun. 3rd, 2011 12:37 am (UTC)
Re: so awful, it gave me capslock.
WHich is why I did the whole "I'm sure someone" but YEAH. Kurt does have ladyboy tendencies, but he's a GUY ultimately. And he has no vagina. THAT'S ALL I MEAN.
Jun. 3rd, 2011 12:55 am (UTC)
Re: so awful, it gave me capslock.
There's actually a whole genre of fic where Kurt is some form of hermaphrodite and does have a boypussy as well as a cock and balls and a working uterus... I wish I was kidding.
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:03 am (UTC)
I just laughed so hard I scared my children.

Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:12 am (UTC)
I've been reading Puck/Kurt for months and... sometimes it's traumatic. A corner of fandom has apparently decided that x% of men can get pregnant, and the idea has become prevalent, to the point that sometimes you're lucky if you get a mention of that in the headers or author notes before you're knee deep in 'OMG! I'M PREGNANT!' and you're all 'WTF? WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? I WAS ONLY READING FOR THE UNDERAGE PORN!'.
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:14 am (UTC)
And! AND! Half of them do not actually tell you where the baby comes out! There are labour pains and sometimes bleeding, and you're left thinking but... but... BUTT?!
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:21 am (UTC)

And I'm not gonna lie, I would read some Finn/Kurt, some Karovsky/Kurt (I AM SICK. We know this.) and lord a'mighty, where's the femme slash? Brittany/Santana, but only in GOOD hands. UNF, want.

(That Jimmy Dean icon is DELICIOUS. Lord.)
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:37 am (UTC)
I got hooked on Puck/Kurt almost immediately and tend to be an OTP kinda gal (still) so I can't rec anything Finn/Kurt or Karofsky (Dave)/Kurt. I can, however, point you to reremouse as a source of well-written, entertaining Kurt/Blaine - and I know this because I charge in with my trusty bag of commas once she's done writing. *g*

As for Brittany/Santana... There are almost 2000 posts at brittana, but I wouldn't know what's good and what's not. :/

Chris Colfer has done some wonderful photoshoots, but that Jimmy Dean one is definitely my favourite. The leather bar one comes close, though. *g*
Jun. 3rd, 2011 01:42 am (UTC)
Reremouse is writing? SAY NO MORE, SHE'S EXCELLENT!

Why do I know nothing of these photo shoots? Now I feel like I have a missing limb.
Jun. 3rd, 2011 02:22 am (UTC)


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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