(I confess to being selfish in the recs I've been putting up - I want quality fic to come out, and boy, is that lacking most of the time in Glee fandom. Mostly because writers are young, inexperienced, whatever. Quantity is preferred over quality. Boo. ENCOURAGE GOOD WRITING, PEOPLE. Esp. when characters are IN character. You can be AU and still in character, kids.)
But I have been having a case of the blahs for the past two days about this STOOPID BOOK I am trying to write.
My #1 goal with Oh My Heck! is to not sound like every other "I was __religious affiliation__ and now I'm not" type of book, you know, dry, dusty, faux-spiritual and just very "I have learned so much and am at peace, now." Because hey, have you met me? There's a reason Matt Stone and Trey Parker are my spirit animal. (They are one in my mind.) I'm trying to make it funny so I can sneak attack the holy shit, you believed what?! factor in there.
Currently I'm trying to rework a chapter on sex and I went digging in my old journals and the letters that I wrote to myself when I was 12, etc. (God, they are so embarrassing.) I started remembering all of the talks we had every Sunday in Young Women's (girls 12 - 18 are sequestered for religious training for an hour every week) and how EVERYTHING was shame based
Example, and remember that what's taught in one church building is taught in ALL church buildings. Every teacher gets a universal manual, and you teach what they tell you, period. Our teacher brought in cupcakes for all of us, about 9 girls total. She licked one, put it in the box, and passed them around. Of course no one wanted the licked cupcake, right? So someone was out of luck on cupcakes, because one was disgusting and gross and awful, and that's just like you will be if you lose your "virtue." You will be a disgusting licked cupcake that no one wants. *spits in your face*
The boys also had this lesson, with cupcakes. About girls. (I am adding a bit to my book about hot dogs, dropping one, offering it to the guys. Why not that lesson, teachers? Also, does my loving the act of licking frosting off a cupcake "mean" something about my sexuality?? Ha. I have an entire paragraph that is basically a cunnilingus joke. Because I'm classy.)
But there were lessons of picking gum that had been chewed vs. unchewed, there was the board with nails hammered in it (wow, subtle) and how you can pull the nail out, but the hole is still there! On and on. Everything about girls and their virtue, not boys and their virtue beyond them not masturbating.
And then I remembered all of the stories where we were encouraged to kill ourselves instead of losing our virtue. We were taught stories of brave and wonderful girls that flung themselves off a cliff rather than letting a boy tarnish her flower. NO, REALLY. Another story about a sad girl that had a drink at a party and had to live the rest of her life knowing that she lost her virtue that night because she had alcohol.
...you following? I know this is old school misogyny. I know it. But it's STILL BEING TAUGHT. And that shit stuck with me for years. That women I looked up to and admired and wanted to be like would be disgusted by me, a dirty flower, because a grown man "soiled my petals" by you know, molesting me. Even though it isn't my fault, wasn't my fault, good hell it's been decades by this point.
Anyway, I'm having a really hard time trying to make this shit funny today. (But kita0610? I think I got that chapter on Women to be more "me" than it was before. All it took was me remembering the 8 Cow Wife story. Good god, the crap I had to ingest every single week. GAH!)
I think instead of working on that stuff I might retool the Mormon missionary fic and repost it, since I deleted my Insanejournal account where it was stored. IDK, I'm moody today.