Look, I've been listening to overwrought French rap about passion and longing for an hour now, so come on, give me a break.
I was just... maudlin yesterday, bursting into tears at the drop of a - oh, wait, was another hat dropped? *crey* There's something connected to "first times" with me, and I think I figured it out (as in figured out my trauma, because I'm apparently slow) that it's about where the future takes you. Maybe it's not the same for dudes, but good lord was that the case for me. I was pressured into my first sexual experience, causing me to spiral into what I call my Mormon Rumspringa (lol) And this was the time that led to me giving up on one of my biggest dreams ever. And it [that long-ago dream] is just not going to happen in my life, because hello, passage of time and life, etc.
And my first wasn't great. At all. And that let to other aspects of myself forced to change into something I didn't set out to be, if that makes sense. So. When I read/watch something where those moments are as they should be, as it was imagined to be and then IS, I just kind of have all of these emotions build of of "what if" and the like. But then I let go of that and remember that my second time was absolutely beautiful. :)
But this story I'm linking you? That's how it's supposed to be after. 100% <3