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PLACEHOLDER FOR BREAKING DAWN RECAP

I just got back. *inhales breath* AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THE RECAP IS POSTED.

Um, spoilers for the one person that didn't read the stupid book,

Yep. Bit that summbitch right open. People were grossed out. I wanted to hit them, because DIDN'T YOU READ THE BOOK?! LOL.

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Comments

brainchild129
Nov. 19th, 2011 01:28 am (UTC)
Oh god, that recap was awesome. Mostly I kept cackling at the description of the OH SO ROMANTIQUE honeymoon, because the idea of him running away from Bella comes off far less like "O NOEZ I WILL HURT YOU TORMENT ANGST WOOOOOEEE" and more like "EW WOMAN. IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO MARRY YOU AND TOUCH YOUR LADYBITS, BUT NOW YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN? NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO FIND RICARDO AT THE BOOM BOOM ROOM...er, I MEAN READ AND KNIT AND DO WHOLESOME NONSEXUAL THINGS. YES."

Your description of his flashback doesn't help. "Yes Bella. I sucked lots of men back then. I sucked them hard. I sucked them dry. I loved every moment of -" "That's nice Sparkle Boy. DO ME NOW." "GAH, MUST BE OFF TO STALK ELSEWHERE KTHNXBYE."

Not to mention the sheer dumbfounding idea that a guy who's been an eternal teenager for most of a century HAS NO IDEA HOW BABYMAKING WORKS. And apparently has never had so much as a wet dream, much less a wank, during that time either.

I may have to see this when it hits the dollar theater for the lulz and to soak in the horror.
shannon_f_r
Nov. 19th, 2011 02:10 am (UTC)
"EW WOMAN. IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO MARRY YOU AND TOUCH YOUR LADYBITS, BUT NOW YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN? NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO GO FIND RICARDO AT THE BOOM BOOM ROOM...er, I MEAN READ AND KNIT AND DO WHOLESOME NONSEXUAL THINGS. YES."

+1. This is the only explanation that makes sense.
stoney321
Nov. 21st, 2011 01:04 am (UTC)
Oh my god, Edward is so gay, it's not even funny. EDWARD IT IS OKAY. IT IS KIND OF EXPECTED FOR VAMPS TO EXPERIMENT. THEY LIKE IT.
brainchild129
Nov. 21st, 2011 09:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, it's long been my personal belief that Edward Cullen is as gay as an Easter bonnet. I suspect he started to get sick of the suspicious questions and stares over the years from his family and just encouraged this crazy chick and her obsession to get them off his back.

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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