'Cause they get back up again. So people on my flist are having lousy days, sad days, but most especially: BORED days. Me too. I've made a list of stuff that makes me laugh my ass off, or smile real hard. Hey: it passes the time. [ETA] pimp and spam this! I want something in my memories to look at when I'm having a bad day... Same for y'all!
Movie lines:
"On accounta somethin' bein' wrong with my semen?" Raising Arizona
"Don't you go dying on me!" Dumb and Dumber
"How'd you like to earn ten bucks the hard way?" Caddyshack
"Yes, it's true. This man has no penis." Ghostbusters
"Ho Ho! Don't try to hit anything..." Sixteen Candles
"What in the wide, wide world of sports is a going on in here?" Blazing Saddles
"Yes! YES!! HE VAS MY.... BOYFRIEND!!" Young Frankenstein
"Gotta pretty sweet Saturday lined up... Going to hit Bed, Bath and Beyond, then maybe to Home Depot to look at some flooring..." Old School
"I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me so hard." Silence of the Lambs. What? That's hiLARious.
"Oh, shit man, I shot Marvin!" Pulp Fiction
"It has -heh heh- raisins in it." Better Off Dead
"I'm in a glass room of emotional pain." Anchorman
"Oh, Dark Helmet, you're helmet is so big!" Space Balls
"You'll get nothing and you'll like it!" Caddyshack
"Buff it and give it a real good shine. Chop chop!" "Why, that mother fucker..." Caddyshack
"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?" Airplane 1
"So. Scraps is a boy dog." Airplane 2
"I told him I'd put him on the Montgomery Ward mailing list." Top Secret
"You eat shit for breakfast?" Happy Gilmore
Funny Buffy/Angel lines (IMO - and I have five minutes)
"You're going to think about that later and laugh, mister!" Buffy
"You do- you do dooddle too!" Willow
"I'm 17. Looking at linoleum makes me think of sex." Xander
"He is looking at her with his Peice Brosnany eyes." Xander
"Anya. How is your money?" "Fine! Thank you!" Buffy 'Bot/ Anya
"Doesn't have to be... What rhymes with 'lungs?'" Spike
AHH!! Pressure!! Clock's ticking! Gotta make dinner - post your faves here!
Last thing. I wonder if someone (
cityphonelines) would consider helping me make a banner (cityphonelines) if I had the images but didn't know how to put them together on PS8? (cityphonelines) But WHO??
Movie lines:
"On accounta somethin' bein' wrong with my semen?" Raising Arizona
"Don't you go dying on me!" Dumb and Dumber
"How'd you like to earn ten bucks the hard way?" Caddyshack
"Yes, it's true. This man has no penis." Ghostbusters
"Ho Ho! Don't try to hit anything..." Sixteen Candles
"What in the wide, wide world of sports is a going on in here?" Blazing Saddles
"Yes! YES!! HE VAS MY.... BOYFRIEND!!" Young Frankenstein
"Gotta pretty sweet Saturday lined up... Going to hit Bed, Bath and Beyond, then maybe to Home Depot to look at some flooring..." Old School
"I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me so hard." Silence of the Lambs. What? That's hiLARious.
"Oh, shit man, I shot Marvin!" Pulp Fiction
"It has -heh heh- raisins in it." Better Off Dead
"I'm in a glass room of emotional pain." Anchorman
"Oh, Dark Helmet, you're helmet is so big!" Space Balls
"You'll get nothing and you'll like it!" Caddyshack
"Buff it and give it a real good shine. Chop chop!" "Why, that mother fucker..." Caddyshack
"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?" Airplane 1
"So. Scraps is a boy dog." Airplane 2
"I told him I'd put him on the Montgomery Ward mailing list." Top Secret
"You eat shit for breakfast?" Happy Gilmore
Funny Buffy/Angel lines (IMO - and I have five minutes)
"You're going to think about that later and laugh, mister!" Buffy
"You do- you do dooddle too!" Willow
"I'm 17. Looking at linoleum makes me think of sex." Xander
"He is looking at her with his Peice Brosnany eyes." Xander
"Anya. How is your money?" "Fine! Thank you!" Buffy 'Bot/ Anya
"Doesn't have to be... What rhymes with 'lungs?'" Spike
AHH!! Pressure!! Clock's ticking! Gotta make dinner - post your faves here!
Last thing. I wonder if someone (
cityphonelines) would consider helping me make a banner (cityphonelines) if I had the images but didn't know how to put them together on PS8? (cityphonelines) But WHO??- Spock is::
giggly
'Oos dis bint, then?
- stoney321
- Laura Stone
- Hey, Don't Judge Me
Comments
"I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue."
"Is it a plane, a hat, a broach a terrydactal?"
"So Timmy, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?"
I'm trying to remember here. Yes, they're all from Airplace but that was the first movie that I saw as a kid that had me rolling about the place literally crying with laughter. There is much love for that movie. :D
"I have a drinking problem."
"And then Charles started wearing Diana's dresses, I couldn't believe it!"
"An interrogative statement used to test someone's knowledge, but that's not important right now."
"I've never been with a man before..."
I. Love. Airplane. What the hell is airplace? :D
"Stupid fingers! Stupid string!" <-- Both Puppet Angel, of course.
"To read is makes our speaking English good." Xander. I love that line, which I am probably remembering wrong.
"This separates the weak from the chafed, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian." <-- Dodgeball
I might be back later with more...
Come back!! Come back!! Spam me with the funny. Always welcomed.
"She was pointing to a mailbox, Sam."
"Yes, as if to say, 'Pa, look, a mailbox.'"- Daniel and Sam, A Few Good Men
"Sammy Wayne Desota, what is this in my Frigadaire?
Beer."
"Well, I don't care what you do in your home, but you will not keep liquor in mine."
"Ah, Annelle, fer Christ's sake!"
"Who?"
"Christ."
"Are you speaking of our lord. Is that who's name you're taking in vain."
"That's the one." - Steel Magnolias
"I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to." - Napoleon Dynamite
"Remove head from sphincter, then drive!" - Kat, 10 Things I Hate About You
"You got to read at Sodom and Gomorrah. I had to do all the work."
"What work did you do? You lit a few fires."
"I rained down sulfur, man. There's a subtle difference."
"Oh, okay, I'm sure."
"Hey, you know, fuck you man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulfur is like an endurance trial. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in... next to soccer." - Bartelby and Loki, Dogma
And yes, those were from memory./geek mode
Also, if you want I could help you. I mean, I don't know if you had someone else in mind, but if they are unavailable...
"You're just impressed by any pretty girl who can walk and talk."
"She doesn't have to talk." - Oz and Devon
"It's Wesley, thank you. Wyndham-Price. I attend the Watcher's Academy in Southern Hampshire. In fact, I happen to be Head Boy."
"Gee, I wonder how you earned that nickname."
"A lot of effort I don't mind saying." - Cordy and Wes
"Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead!" - Giles
"That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo." - Buffybot
"So, she brutally stabs herself, dumped the body, then cut off her own ear?"
"No. She cut off her ear, then killed herself, then dumped the body... I'm really off my game, aren't I?"-Willow and Buffy
"I think dummies are cute. You don't?"
"They give me the wig. Ever since I was little."
"What happened?"
"I saw a dummy. It gave me the wig. There really wasn't a story there." - Willow and Buffy
I may return.
Mother: Oh, I sure do miss Navin.
Brother: Is he ever coming back?
Father: Take away his place setting - it's making us too god damn sad.
Mother: I wonder if he's doing alright?
Sister: (shouting out window) Hey Navin! How you doing?
Navin: Don't worry about me! I think I see a car coming - no wait - it's a truck! It's a truck!
Mother: Oh Lord, help our little boy. - The Jerk
Son you got a panty on your head - Raising Arizona
CORDELIA: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed...
XANDER: I think you mean 'oppressed'.
CORDELIA: Whatever. They were cranky. So they're, like, 'Let's lose some heads'. Uhhh! That's fair. And, and Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake!
Teacher: Yes, well, that's a very interesting perspective. - Buffy
SNYDER: Whoa, Summers! You drive like a spaz! - Buffy
That's all I can think of now.
Thanks for the giggle :)
"She has the neatest tattoo on her inner thigh. It says 'slippery when wet.'"
"I made you a tuna fish sandwich with the crusts cut off and wrapped in cellophane, just like you like it!"
~~The Jerk
"I learned Karate at the Y" Principal Snyder
"Nothing's un-cool about healthy teeth and bones." The Mayor
"*Sobs* I love him so mu-hu-huch!" Raising Arizona
"Into the mud, scum queen!" The Man with Two Brains
"To fall is to die,"
"Do not fall."
And yes, i was as bored as most of everybody else here today, :)
Oh, and you get bonus points for including Spaceballs quotes cause that movie is frieken awesome, :D
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"Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist." - The Princess Bride. Okay, maybe not a funny line, but that fake monster hamster is INCONCEIVABLE.
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My mother died in a freak accident during a routine liposuctioning. - Clueless
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I thought we were watching Scooby Doo - Mr Deeds
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I'm not crazy, M'Lynn, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years! - Steel Magnolias
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Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree!
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"I don't know what everyone's talking about, that outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker." -- Xander
"So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know, the monkey's just, "I mock you with my monkey pants!" And then there's a big coup in the zoo." - Oz
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Tim: We were wondering if a military man like you, a soldier, er, could you give a man a lethal blow?
Gareth: If I was forced to, I could. If it was absolutely necessary, if he was attacking me.
Tim: What if he was coming, really hard?
Gareth: Yeah, if my life was in danger, yeah.
Dawn: And do you always imagine doing it face to face with a bloke, or could you take a man from behind?
Gareth: Either ways easy.
Dawn: So you could take a man from behind?
Gareth: Yeah.
- from The Office
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Yesterday, an eighty-year-old librarian broke my penis. - The New Guy
Every time Edina says "Sweetie, Darling!" and "LaCroix" Absolutely Fabulous
The fist pounding thing from Friends.
"Whoa. Check out that ass."
"Yeah, I bet he works out."
"Hey everybody! We landed on the moon!!"
~~ Dumb and Dumber
"That word you keep using. I do not think it means what you think it means." The Princess Bride
And, of course, "...all nerds think about is sex."
Julia, staying off the owied ankle in the midst of the plumbing follies
*feeds you Motrin and makes you sleep while the plumbing follies magically disappear*
"Nice place you got here."
"Yeah, it's really Spaht."
~~Buffy and Faith (misunderstanding her British Watcher's description of "Spartan.")
"Well, what you prefer? Yellow Spandex?" X-Men
Saddam Hussein: "Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?" South Park - Bigger, Longer and Uncut
ANYA: We're just kind of thrown by the you having sex with Spike.
BUFFY: The...who whating how with huh?
FRED: I'm OK. Be cooler if we could score some weed, though.
SPIKE: (About Giles' car.) Something red, shiny, shaped like a penis.
***
Joey: Could I BE wearin' any more clothes?
Chandler: Oh, look! This is the episode of 'Three's Company' where somebody overhears something and there's some type of misunderstanding!
Phoebe: Oh, well, I've seen this one, then.
***
"Designing Women"
Julia: Hey, hey, hey New Orleans! My name is Julia Sugarbaker! I am going to go sleep in Anthony Bouvier's room! He is black, I am white, and he is considerably YOUNGER than I am! So put that in your etouffee and chomp on it!
Bernice: It's square fish, Phyllis.
Suzanne: The man shoud have to kill the bug!
Bernice: BLACK MAN! BLACK MAN!
***
"Wings"
(Producing 'The Phantom of the Oprah'') Lowell: LINE!
Lowell: Tom Petty's the best lookin' man in rock and roll and I'll fight the guy that says different!
Lowell: YOU SANK MY BOAT!
Lowell: Well, Joe, when the corn is as high as an elephant's eye, it's obvious - we're in Iowa.
Los Cruces? My brother doesn't live in Los Cruces.
Antonio: My goat knows the bowling score, hallelujah . . .
***
Champ: I shit a squirrel. Seriously, I shit a real live squirrel. I've got a shit-covered squirrel down in my office and I don't what to name it.
***
MESS'O'POTAMIA
I'm not gonna be your monkey.
Those better be badges of shame.
. . . you're such a dick . . .
Mr. Carlson, you're fired.
***
Harold: Y-you said we could have sex with her!
Freakshow: I most certainly did not!
Kumar: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Did not!
Harold: Yes you did!
Freakshow: You sure...?
Harold: You said it!
Freakshow: [laughing] My mistake! Well, since we're all here... How 'bout a four-some?
- Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle
Bud Brumder: A writer? What do you have to write about? You're not oppressed. You're not gay.
Bud Brumder: If you do this I will eat your face
- Orange County (and Bud Brumer is played by John Lithgow, which makes these even funnier)
Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has
Vizzini: And you: friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed? In Greenland?!
- The Princess Bride
~~Oz
Tea and cake or death?
(on the concept of original sin) I poked a badger with spoon!
So, yes, I'm from Europe. Where the history comes home.
(about Pol Pot) You must get up VERY early in the morning! Breakfast, death, death, lunch, death, death, death, afternoon tea, death . . .
You know Hitler was a painter. 'Goddammit, I can't the trees right I vill kill everyone in the vorld!'
(race for the moon) And the English swore to put a man on the face of the earth! And we did.
So you had to take a cat, a table, a chair and monkey and wander around heavily wooded areas . . . and the monkey would just fuck off, wouldn't he?
***
Gotta throw some Stargate in:
Jack: What kind of archaeologist carries a gun?
Daniel (gun-totin' archaeologist): Uh, I do.
Jack; Bad example.
~~from "The Freshman," Buffy S4
Julia, always going for surrealism over humor
From Dr. Strangelove, one of my all time favorite movies:
"Gentlemen! You can't fight in here, it's a War Room!"
"There are studies underway to flouridate ice cream. CHILDREN'S ice cream."
It's the 'pretty standard really' that has me in stitches. That, and luge lessons. Luge lessons, how absurd! Haha!
Also, do you know how much I love the 'You eat shit for breakfast?' line from Happy Gilmore? So freakin' much it hurts. Also, I love 'Julia Gulia'. And...'that's quality H2O'and 'medula oblongata'. I ♥ Adam Sandler. What? Someone has to.
Oooh, ooh...also "Let's say I go into some guys office, let's say he's even remotely interested in buying from me, well then I get all excited and I'm like Jo Jo, the Indian circus boy with a pretty new pet. The pet, is my possible sale. Oh my pretty little pet. I love you. So I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Yeah I love it, I love my little naughty pet, your NAUGHTY then I take my naughty pet and I go *schustch*! Oh! I killed it! I killed my sale!!! And that's when I blow it."-Tommy Boy. I had to look it up, but it kills me.
There's also the line from Swingers about 'boys in the hood' and being from L.A., Anaheim...whatever. You know what I mean.
"Oh. My. God."
"All that because you wanted to save a few nickels-"
"Get out."
~~Tommy Boy
"A lot of people go to college for 7 years."
"Uh huh. They're called 'doctors.'"
~~Tommy Boy
"Did you just say 'niner?'"
"Shut up, Richard."
~~Tommy Boy
"Fat guy in a little coat... Fat guy in a little coat."
~~Tommy Boy
AHH!! You jarred my memory!
"Dey evah catch dat guhrilla what done punched ya in duh eye?"
~~The Waterboy
"You wanna play Daddy, is that it?" *bounces massive globe*
"No."
"You wanna play Daddy?" *bounces globe into his face*
~~Austin Powers 2
Spam me with some of Seth Green's lines!! AND COWBELL!! I need more cowbell!! This is my "having a bad day? Read this" post!
A tiger... in Africa?
It's a 'Mr. Death' or something. He's come about the reaping.
And the Meaning of Life?
Well, it's nothing very special.
Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations, and, finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises.