Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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In which my head asplode

I've been lurking about LJ reading all kinds of stuff. Wanna know what the main topic of discussion is? you already know. Slash vs. Het. The other thing in our fandom that's a huge divider (and this comes as no surprise) is the FIERCE Buffy hate. People LOATHE Buffy. Which is funny. Because in their tirades against the evil chick, they devalue the entire series (and its spin-off). Because the show IS about her. Not the secret backdoor banging of Giles and Andrew. Not the SOOOO obvious love between Angel and Oz. (Oz TOTALLY forgave him for trying to kill the love of his life. Serious.) The only gay relationship on the shows was Snyder and Clem. COME ON, People!! (The series is called BUFFY the Vampire Slayer. It's All. About. Her. And her satellites.) This is a monster sarcasm rally, BTW.

And so, I give you the argument for Buffy's importance in the fandom, pro and con, as well as shipper wars as discussed by MicroBiologists and Molecular Geneticists.

Ribosomes = fandom
Amino Acids = Buffy
Purines = (adenine=Tara) (guanine=Spike)
Pyrimidines = (thymine =Willow) (cytosine = Angel) (uracil=Xander)
Genes = Jossverse
DNA = the shows, etc.

nerd 1: We can all agree that amino acids are the building blocks of protein, correct?
nerd 2: False. New studies have shown that carboxyl (-COOH)is the building block of amino acids, so boo-yah.
nerd 1: Well, certainly you can agree with me that adenine and thymine belong together. I mean, for fuck's sake. Guanine is ALWAYS paired with cytosine. Look at the evidence!
nerd 2: False. You are completely ignoring the case in which (within the ribosome) the tRNA has a new pair: uracil and guanine. The ribosomes are the powerhouses of the cell, bitch. And by cell, I mean LJ.
nerd 1: LJ? Is this a new pair? Are Watson and Crick fools?
nerd 2: Let's get back on topic. When DNA is opened for transcription, it always opens in a 5' --> 3' direction. Cleary this is because of the need for Wes/Gunn/Fred fic.
nerd 1: What are you talking about? It costs a lot to run these electron microscopes, and you are dithering on about fictional people. Focus, Wendell!
nerd 2: Alright. Let's talk about the importance of your "amino acids." Your amino acids are selfish. They only care about getting created, then witter off, worrying about themselves.
nerd 1: Did you breath in the contents of ts98205-A again? Amino acids are merely trying to HELP. Without amino acids, your ungulates, your phytokeroids, your Cyanea capillata would cease to be.
nerd 2: Without a triplet of codons consisting of the various nucleotide pairs, amino acids wouldn't even be a BLIP on the radar.
nerd 1: But see, the fact that DNA is a double helix is something you are completely ignorning. It's the SHAPE that defines life. Wrapped together, circling each other, winding in on itself...
nerd 2: What the hell are you talking about?
nerd 1: I'm talking about the two separate strands coming together, balancing each other out, causing it all to exist in the first place.
nerd 2: Right. But let's not forget mutations. Weird shit that happens when a base pair is altered, begining with the AT pair. It morphs into a UG or GC pair then gets out of control.
nerd 1: I'm working on missense mutations where something completely foreign is substituted in a place where it doesn't exist.
nerd 2: Duh, I'm a molecular geneticist. I know what it is, dumbass.
nerd 1: I think this all boils down to Spike having a big dick, and being a complete whore.
nerd 2: Right. Which is weird since he was only with three people (four, if you count Angel.). Huh.
nerd 1: SO you coming over later to check out my new Boba Fett figure? I got two. One to stay mint, the other for, well... You know.
nerd 2: Right. To bang Leia, my brother! High five me!

they attempt a high five, but being science nerd, miss by a country mile and knock over a tray of flasks. Their boss walks in.

Boss: *shaking his fist* Johnson!! Wendell!!

They go back to their microscopes and petri dishes.

I need something in my body that is NOT caffeine. And I am NOT working on a parody of The Godfather with the Buffyverse characters. Nope. Not at all.
Tags: essays, funneh, random statements
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