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Things that have happened today.

  • The receptionist at my daughter's orthodontist grabbed my glasses and put them on. (Because they're cute. but....) Also: I now look just like the girl on the HDJM banner, as that is exactly what my specs look like. <3
  • my son applied for a summer job at a grocery store because they'll hire young teens. He applied for a dish-washing position because, and I'm not making this up, "It looks really interesting." In what universe?? AND HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT KITCHEN IN YOUR HOUSE?
  • my son's BFF just fully put the moves on me, leaning against the door frame to my bedroom with arms crossed and a sly grin, and asked if he could come in to *dramatic pause* "talk" and then asked if I wanted him to put something (what he wanted to talk about) "...on your bed?"
  • I'm not going to act like I don't feel like a MILF right now. Or that I didn't excuse myself and go into my closet to laugh my ass off because WOW, DUDE. Bless.
  • my dog farted herself out of a deep sleep and I about ruptured my gut laughing at her shocked look, because she is a lady, and Nice Girls Don't Poop or Fart
  • I opened up a bottle of Mount Veeder Cab Sav and a wedge of applewood smoked cheddar and plan on making myself write a new story.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF STONEY. (Omitted: laundry, mopping, cleaning out the cat pans, because my life is a non-stop celebration of life)


( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 12th, 2012 01:11 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA. No, that is perfectly acceptable to be humming.


Oh, I do NOT miss potty training. I love babies, I love HAVING babies, but I do not miss potty training. (I grew up constantly around babies being potty trained.) I will recommend (not that you asked, but hey, the wine is flowing, lol) two things:

1. Once Upon A Potty, the greatest book for kids and parents about pooping and peeing in the potty ever written and

2. My grandmother's $15 method. (adjust for inflation, please.) The woman raised FIFTEEN CHILDREN, so it's good advice, is what I'm saying: give your child all the [insert favorite beverage here] they can stomach. They wear no diapers. They will loathe the feeling of urine running down their legs and use their potty (pick them up and place them on their potty when you see them peeing) and will catch themselves after the second or third accident. The $15 (or closer to $50 now) is for the carpet cleaner rental. :D

AND IT WORKS. The book led to the "Whee, potties are awesome!" and the "HEY HOW ABOUT EVEN MORE APPLE JUICE?" led to the "Oh, I do NOT like this...." lightbulb moment.

(Deleted comment)
Jun. 12th, 2012 01:20 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD YOU HAVE JUST DESCRIBED THE WORST THING EVER EVER OH MY GOD YOUR POOR BOY!!!!! AND YOU!!!! (Oh, crickets give me the serious heebies.) I want to cuddle your poor baby boy. D:
Jun. 12th, 2012 01:27 am (UTC)
Wait, the receptionist took your glasses?? Did she hoik them off your face? Or had you put them down for a bit?

Also .. she took your glasses??!?!?! Jeeze.

You MILF, you.
Jun. 12th, 2012 01:32 am (UTC)
YES. YES SHE DID. She's...a bit of a crack pot, and usually it's in an interesting way.

So, I have this term I use for a specific type of person. I call them "hot enough for ya?" people. The ones that use those trite phrases? Like "How's the weather up there?" to a tall person, etc? She's the reason I have that phrase. She's the happiest damn person on the EARTH, knows everyone's name, has nicknames for every family in the practice, jokes like it's her job (in a dorky way) and is someone that I just can't get angry with because she's so damn earnest.

But yeah. OOH I LIKE THESE, YOINK. We're "tight," but we ain't that tight, sister. :D

Excuse me while I preen in my cargo pants (complete with bleach stains) Aw yeah.
Jun. 12th, 2012 01:57 am (UTC)
HAHAHA! That is an awesome day! Now THAT is reality. In what universe are the Kardashians and Snooki reality?? Hope tomorrow you get to change the lint trap on the drier or retrieve a ball from the gutter. :)
Jun. 12th, 2012 02:03 am (UTC)
Hey, Buddy!! <3

Girl, I am going to rip shit up with some weeding and sheet changing. LOOK OUT, WORLD! :D
Jun. 12th, 2012 01:58 am (UTC)
I worked in a kitchen camp last summer, and let me tell you, scrubbing off pinto beans from the bottom of pans is not interesting.
Jun. 12th, 2012 02:04 am (UTC)
I mean...how is that "interesting?" Bless his heart. (And man, I have had some menial jobs in the past. Hmm, in comparison, fry cool doesn't have the glamour that dish washing does...) Hee.
Jun. 12th, 2012 02:05 am (UTC)
I will say that the atmosphere in the well run commercial kitchen is... hilarious and fun and interesting. That said, the actual job will make him hate the world.

Does Dairy Queen still hire 14 year olds?
Jun. 12th, 2012 02:08 am (UTC)
oh, man, I had so much fun with the guys in the kitchen at every restaurant I worked at. Es muy bien, si. But yeah - the actual lifting and Hobarting? Not so great.

Jun. 12th, 2012 02:09 am (UTC)

(Granted, my Dairy Queen is the opposite of where I usually go...)

I think this calls for a relocation.
Jun. 12th, 2012 02:13 am (UTC)
Jun. 12th, 2012 02:04 am (UTC)

OMG, I would think I was being punk'd. Was he wearing some cologne? Brut, perhaps? Did he shave his peach fuzz? What did he think was going to happen? Ahahaha.
Jun. 12th, 2012 02:09 am (UTC)
He has on a l33tsp34k tee, and was super excited that I know all about computers, network systems, and Skyrim, in that order. APPARENTLY I AM THE GEEK TRIFECTA.

It's not Brut any more, come on. Old Spice or Axe! *pukes* HEEE. I'm still laughing, I have to say.
Jun. 12th, 2012 02:24 am (UTC)
I love the smell of Old Spice, but definitely not in the quantities that young men feel they need to bathe in daily. Dude, if I can smell you and you're more than an arm's length away, it's too much.
Jun. 12th, 2012 03:21 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHA. True. And he's spending the night, so I just got another whiff of it while checking to see if they have enough pillows/blankets. LOL.
Jun. 12th, 2012 02:33 am (UTC)
Dude! Your day was a wondrous thing.
Jun. 12th, 2012 03:21 am (UTC)
It was a CRAZY thing! Hahahahaha.
Jun. 12th, 2012 03:06 am (UTC)
You are a total MILF! You hot mama, you.

My dog once farted so loud that she scared herself and ran under the sofa. I just about died laughing.

Jun. 12th, 2012 03:22 am (UTC)
HA. I think it's the dirty tee shit. Guys can't help but be attracted.

THAT IS FUCKING HILARIOUS, LYNNE!!! OMG, why are dogs so damn funny?!

Jun. 12th, 2012 04:17 am (UTC)
Not that you're not smoking hot, but, Dude, why would he ever think you'd lower yourself to tap that? Teenage boys got all the self esteem teenage girls lack. How can they get it back?
Jun. 12th, 2012 01:57 pm (UTC)
I have always - ALWAYS - been the girl that the geekiest dudes have gone after. I don't know why (I have suspicions) but it's just always been that way.

Also throw in redonk teenage hormones and you've got the making for a hilarious comic caper.
Jun. 12th, 2012 09:05 am (UTC)

You (and I, both) lead lives of glamour glamour glamour! I get to spend my day cleaning out the refrigerator drain because SOMEONE decided to shove cheese down it. Why were they in fridge? Why the drain? WHY CHEESE???!?!?!?! Some things in life we are not meant to know.

But, please, do tell about this new thing you're making yourself write, because I need a moment to sit here with my chin in my hand, leaning on the counter and make googly eyes at my screen.

Dare I ask? Is it *fluttery voice* Captain Anderson????? I'M GONNA GET THE VAY-PUHRS!!!

Edited at 2012-06-12 09:06 am (UTC)
Jun. 12th, 2012 02:00 pm (UTC)
So, so funny.

WHY CHEESE. WHY CHEESE IN THE DRAIN. WHY. This should not be a question like the meaning of life. WHY CHEESE?! Oh, poor cheese, we barely knew ye.
*plays taps*
*eats Fritos* (hey, they're delicious.)

This is actually not another Capt Anderson story, this is a whole new one that I've dithered on for a few months - it's a trope that I worry has been beaten to death (even though I have a different spin on it, I want it to have a lot of comedy, etc etc) and...we'll see if I can get a story out of it.

FOR NOW YOU CAN REMAIN VAPORLESS. (I have another one-shot I've started, but it's not quite working yet. WE'LL SEE. I have many writing plans for the summer. Fingers crossed!)
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 12th, 2012 11:56 pm (UTC)
ANNE AXE BODY SPRAY IS SO AWFUL. Oh man. It's just...pungent.

In their defense, though, teenage boys smell horrid au naturel and require nuclear doses of scent to cover that. :D
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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