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So I've been helping out my friends with a local film festival all weekend, and had a great freaking time. It a) made me miss being a part of the film world and b) made me so freakin' glad I'm not a part of the film world. :D (People are weird around celebrities. Some celebrities are WEIRD. I heard some great stories from one actor in particular about several Big Hollywood Names that made me glad that I never moved to LA.) But talking with fun, interesting, intelligent people = YAY. (And I met someone from FREEDONIA. Any of y'all from the Arizona Strip/Southern Utah should know how freaking random that was. I guessed that's where he was from by his accent, which blew him away. Lol.)

THINGS TO READ! This dreamy fic about how the more things change, the more they don't. (They just get better.) Klaine, flaming_muse there's nothing else you need, right? <3 You should leave her a comment so she doesn't feel like she lives in ether. :)

TRUE BLOOD. Holy Naccodoches, if you didn't remember how cracked out that show was, these past two episodes were your reminder.

  • STEVE NEWLIN. Who knew he would be the funniest thing on that show? WHO KNEW?! No, really? Who? I didn't. I do, now. I keep thinking of his little dance under Jessica's arm into the party, his white boy groove towards the kids, and I am just laughing my ass off.

  • I am sad at the lack of Naked Eric and Alcide this episode, ngl.

  • However, Eric in period clothing is delicious. (And...didn't they already tell the Pam/Eric creation story back in S2? And it was closer to the one in the book? Did they just retcon themselves?)

  • I continue to not care about Tara. Or Sookie. Or Bill. (Boy, is Moyer's face looking like it's got some city miles on it....)

  • I continue to not care about Wolf Politics, just like I didn't in the books. (Lol at me caring about anything but naked Eric in the books. LET'S STOP BEING POLITE AND START GETTING REAL, OKAY.

  • CHRIS MELONI. If I don't get a shot of his most perfect bubble butt at some point this season, I will consider that most egregious.

Sam is back recapping the show, and here's ep. two. GO TALK WITH HER, SHE IS REALLY FUNNY.

The family and I went to see Men in Black III on Friday, and I have to say that I continue to enjoy that series. They're fun, don't take themselves too seriously, and Josh Brolin is out-freaking-standing as a young Tommy Lee Jones. It's redonk how perfect that casting choice was. Not to mention that it ends up being very touching (my son held my hand at the end, choked up - aww!) and I continue to love Will Smith. WHATEVER HE SEEMS LIKE A SERIOUSLY GOOD DUDE AND I LIKE HIM.

And lastly, in "WHAT? HUH? ...WHAT? NO, WHAT?!" news, it only took 14 years and 8 months, but I got my very first Child Support Check this weekend. $206 bucks, aww, that's cute. (He owes something like $13,000 +, but who's counting?) The very first payment I've ever gotten. Ahahaha. Way to really send a message to dead beat dads, Texas! (Note; we have the WORST record for getting child support payments to mothers here, because Rick Perry is a bag of dicks.)

I think I'll use that check to pay for Geek Squad to fix my kids' computers, because they're idiots and turned off their anti-virus software because "It kept popping up." OH MY GOD YOU DUMMIES. I mean, Mommy loves you!

OH RIGHT: CAKE. This is the one I made for the Mr.'s b-day, the one that caused me all sorts of grief. Not the cake itself, just my life thwarting the making of the cake. BUT YOU SHOULD MAKE IT. Under the cut, because it's detailed!

Not Really a Black Forest Cake (because I don't like whipped cream "icing." That's gross.)


Kirschwasser (cherry brandy)
3 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (I use Ghiradelli)
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups hot water
3/4 cup vegetable oil
2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar
1 tablespoon instant coffee granules
1 tablespoon vanilla extract (not teaspoon!)

Preheat oven to 350º with rack in the center. Spray two 9×2 inch round cake pans with Baker's Joy, take a moment to marvel that this product exists. Open the Kirschwasser and have a nip.

Whisk together flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, and salt in a large mixing bowl. (Don’t use a mixer. Stupid ass Kitchenaid, taking up space. Have another nip of Kirschwasser.)

Combine water, oil, vinegar, instant coffee, and vanilla in a large measuring cup. Add to the dry ingredients and whisk just until combined or it'll get all tough and awful while baking. This is cake, not sourdough. (Note: a few lumps are OK.) Divide batter between pans, then bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, 30 - 35 minutes. (I'd start checking at 27 minutes, honestly. One batch cooked faster than another.) Cool cakes on a rack for 15 minutes, then invert them onto the rack. Pour out 1/4 C of cherry brandy and brush (pastry brush) onto each layer to soak in. Mmmm. Polish off whatever you didn't put on the cake, because you are not wasteful. And then pour another sip.)


Maraschino Cherry Filling

12 oz. jar maraschino cherries, chopped
2/3 cup maraschino cherry liquid
2 tablespoons corn starch GROSS. NO. I never ever use this stuff, you can taste it, it's awful.
1/3 cup sugar
1 tablespoon butter

Have another nip of Kirschwasser to celebrate having the cake layers baking, yay! Drain the liquid from the cherries into a measuring cup to get your 2/3 cup; chop up the cherries into chunks. This will help the layers lay right in the end. Yay, you did it! Have another nip of kirschwasserer. In small saucepan combine sugar and corn starch NO. YES=add in cherry liquid, stirring to dissolve sugar. Stir in cherries. Cook over medium high heat until mixture comes to a boil and thickens. (Because you're not using corn starch, this takes a bit. So have a another slug of waseerkirchs Kirschvasser. The cherry booze. Remove from heat and stir in butter. Cool completely before using.

Glossy Chocolate Icing

1 stick unsalted butter (8 tablespoons)
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 1/4 cups unsweetened cocoa powder
pinch of salt
1 1/4 cups heavy whipping cream
1/4 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon instant coffee granules (maybe make a pot of coffee to wake up from the brandy. Ah, screw it drink a slug from the bottle. Mmm, it burns so good...)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Combine heavy cream, sour cream, and instant coffee in a large measuring cup, mixing until smooth. Yay! BOOZE TIMES. Wait. Wait. Hang on. We still have to make...what? Oh! Frosting. Okay, just let me... okay.

Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Stir in sugar, cocoa, and salt. This will be thick and grainy, you did nothing wrong. You know what? You're fucking beautiful, okay? You never do anything wrong and if they can't see you how I see you, then fuckem. Here. Now clink your glass on my glass and lets have yummy cherry brandy so so good, right?

Gradually add cream mixture to chocolate until blended and smooth. Cook until the sugar has dissolved and the mixture is smooth and hot to the touch, 6 – 8 minutes. Do not boil. OMG you have to focus, okay? Just...lemme close one eye so I can see this.

Remove from heat and add vanilla. Remember when Jen in 8th grade wanted to get drunk drinking a bottle of vanilla extract? What the hell was that about? I mean, there is vanilla vodka, you know? Ooh. Let's make a shot with cherry brandy and a float of vanilla vodka! SO SO GOOD MAYBE SOME BAILEYS OH MY GOD I LOVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.

Cool icing at room temperature until spreadable 2 – 3 hours, just enough time to nap, hogod.


Plate! Blorp of frosting in center to hold layer still! Layer on that! Get a ziplock bag and fill with some icing because you forgot to get a pasty bag, snip the corner off! Pipe a line of frosting on the edge to hold filling! Dump and spread filling on layer! Top with next layer! Frost! Be fancy with cherries on top along the edge and pretty decorations or whatever! Swear to never drink that much novelty brandy in one sitting again!

FOR THE RECORD: this is not an overly sweet cake, by any means. It's very dense and rich from the chocolate and coffee, and the maraschinos add a touch of sweet, but it's not sugary at all.

And you don't have to add the booze, but I will hate your face.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 19th, 2012 09:41 pm (UTC)
This is totally the reason I stopped watching the True Blood and reading the series: I continue to not care about Tara. Or Sookie. Or Bill.

I continue to not care about Wolf Politics, just like I didn't in the books. (Lol at me caring about anything but naked Eric in the books. LET'S STOP BEING POLITE AND START GETTING REAL, OKAY.
Yeah, there should just be a series about Eric and Pam running amok and getting naked with as many people they can. Except Charlaine Harris can't write sex scenes and this is why there is fan fiction!

That cake sounds delicious other than the maraschino cherries so I'm glad you left a note that they didn't make the cake too cloying.

$206. Huh, are you supposed to take the dead beat's kids to dinner?
Jun. 19th, 2012 09:54 pm (UTC)
I WOULD FULLY SUPPORT THAT SHOW. Just those two being sarcastic, sexy, and mean to people? YES. Hooray for fanfiction!

You bet - the cherries are kind of the only "sweet" aspect of the cake. I bet you could use frozen dark, sweet cherries and some sugar to make the syrup if you're anti-jarred maraschinos.

HAHAHAHA. That would just about fill him up, too. (He's 6' 8")
Jun. 19th, 2012 09:49 pm (UTC)
YOU GOT A CHILD SUPPORT CHECK?!?! OMG. *looks out the window for other signs of the apocalypse*

Also, they turned off their anti-virus software? *dies laughing*

And also also, thank you. <3
Jun. 19th, 2012 09:56 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA, I KNOW!!!! The Mr. brought it to me, holding it with the tips of his fingers and a look of extreme skepticism on his face. LOL. I just have no idea, my word. And haha, that amount is just adorable. *coughs, flips him the bird*

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT. FM, I was about to stay hidden at that film festival, I tell you. "It kept popping up saying something was wrong, so..." OH DUMB DUMB CHILD.

I'm looking forward to a re-read once I'm doing zooming around with kids. (Oh my god, haven't I driven enough!? *cries*)
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 19th, 2012 10:25 pm (UTC)
I will even watch painful episodes of OZ to see the Meloni Bubble, that's how much I need it.

CORNSTARCH IS SO GROSS. Fleh. Solidarity, sister.

Oooooh, will do. Girl... O_O
Jun. 19th, 2012 10:29 pm (UTC)
While there are still places in America I want to visit and re-visit, LA has never been one of them.

I saw the shorts for Men in Black (will definitely see it!) and Josh Brolin blew me away how on the mark he was - I honestly thought they had dubbed his voice or modified it electronically, but nope, all him. I still remember him from the Young Riders - how he has grown, lol.

You should send him $268 worth of flowers with a note saying 'Thanks for the money, asshole'. Don't do that - spend it on booze...for the kids. *shifty eyes*
Jun. 19th, 2012 11:34 pm (UTC)
There are so many amazing places in California to visit, and LA is def. not at the top. I'd still go, but yeah. I'm not jonesing for it. I'm jonesing for meth, as you well know.

I REALLY liked the movie. And I just cannot get over Brolin. Hell, I remember him from GOONIES.

The kids need a LOT of gin. And the top-shelf stuff, let's get real.
Jun. 20th, 2012 01:10 am (UTC)
I remember him from POPPING OUT OF HIS MOM'S VAG! I may be lying, I may be in possession of the world's most creepiest use of a time machine, and will we ever know which one of these things is true? We will not.
Jun. 20th, 2012 12:59 am (UTC)
Hell yeah I'm gonna make that cake.
Jun. 20th, 2012 02:59 pm (UTC)
ROFLMAO! Oh, Stoney. You are THE only one that can make me laugh reading a cake recipe!! OMG AMAZEBALLS SOUNDING CAKE!! And I'm sooo making it! And taking liberal swigs of Kirsch throughout the entire process!

Ahahahaha!! I can't believe your kids turned off the anti-virus. That is the 2nd funniest thing I read today, after your cake recipe. I hope they'll know better now but, based on personal experience, that's doubtful!

Shame on Texas' politicians for not taking care of its women and children! It's a travesty that it took so long for you and your kids to get the money that you are due!
Jun. 22nd, 2012 12:09 am (UTC)
Will the cake work without the coffee? Coffee and I are not friends, but the Husband Creature LOVES Black Forest, and I'd kinda like to not cheat and just buy one for his birthday this year ...

(Also, what the hell is Baker's Joy? Does this poor benighted Australian have to make do with merely buttering the cake dishes?)
Jun. 22nd, 2012 12:15 am (UTC)
Swap the coffee for chocolate extract, and you'll be fine. :D

Baker's Joy: like cooking spray, but with flour!
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
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