THINGS TO READ! This dreamy fic about how the more things change, the more they don't. (They just get better.) Klaine, flaming_muse there's nothing else you need, right? <3 You should leave her a comment so she doesn't feel like she lives in ether. :)
TRUE BLOOD. Holy Naccodoches, if you didn't remember how cracked out that show was, these past two episodes were your reminder.
- STEVE NEWLIN. Who knew he would be the funniest thing on that show? WHO KNEW?! No, really? Who? I didn't. I do, now. I keep thinking of his little dance under Jessica's arm into the party, his white boy groove towards the kids, and I am just laughing my ass off.
- I am sad at the lack of Naked Eric and Alcide this episode, ngl.
- However, Eric in period clothing is delicious. (And...didn't they already tell the Pam/Eric creation story back in S2? And it was closer to the one in the book? Did they just retcon themselves?)
- I continue to not care about Tara. Or Sookie. Or Bill. (Boy, is Moyer's face looking like it's got some city miles on it....)
- I continue to not care about Wolf Politics, just like I didn't in the books. (Lol at me caring about anything but naked Eric in the books. LET'S STOP BEING POLITE AND START GETTING REAL, OKAY.
- CHRIS MELONI. If I don't get a shot of his most perfect bubble butt at some point this season, I will consider that most egregious.
Sam is back recapping the show, and here's ep. two. GO TALK WITH HER, SHE IS REALLY FUNNY.
The family and I went to see Men in Black III on Friday, and I have to say that I continue to enjoy that series. They're fun, don't take themselves too seriously, and Josh Brolin is out-freaking-standing as a young Tommy Lee Jones. It's redonk how perfect that casting choice was. Not to mention that it ends up being very touching (my son held my hand at the end, choked up - aww!) and I continue to love Will Smith. WHATEVER HE SEEMS LIKE A SERIOUSLY GOOD DUDE AND I LIKE HIM.
And lastly, in "WHAT? HUH? ...WHAT? NO, WHAT?!" news, it only took 14 years and 8 months, but I got my very first Child Support Check this weekend. $206 bucks, aww, that's cute. (He owes something like $13,000 +, but who's counting?) The very first payment I've ever gotten. Ahahaha. Way to really send a message to dead beat dads, Texas! (Note; we have the WORST record for getting child support payments to mothers here, because Rick Perry is a bag of dicks.)
I think I'll use that check to pay for Geek Squad to fix my kids' computers, because they're idiots and turned off their anti-virus software because "It kept popping up." OH MY GOD YOU DUMMIES. I mean, Mommy loves you!
OH RIGHT: CAKE. This is the one I made for the Mr.'s b-day, the one that caused me all sorts of grief. Not the cake itself, just my life thwarting the making of the cake. BUT YOU SHOULD MAKE IT. Under the cut, because it's detailed!
Not Really a Black Forest Cake (because I don't like whipped cream "icing." That's gross.)
Kirschwasser (cherry brandy)
3 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (I use Ghiradelli)
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups hot water
3/4 cup vegetable oil
2 tablespoons distilled white vinegar
1 tablespoon instant coffee granules
1 tablespoon vanilla extract (not teaspoon!)
Preheat oven to 350º with rack in the center. Spray two 9×2 inch round cake pans with Baker's Joy, take a moment to marvel that this product exists. Open the Kirschwasser and have a nip.
Whisk together flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, and salt in a large mixing bowl. (Don’t use a mixer. Stupid ass Kitchenaid, taking up space. Have another nip of Kirschwasser.)
Combine water, oil, vinegar, instant coffee, and vanilla in a large measuring cup. Add to the dry ingredients and whisk just until combined or it'll get all tough and awful while baking. This is cake, not sourdough. (Note: a few lumps are OK.) Divide batter between pans, then bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, 30 - 35 minutes. (I'd start checking at 27 minutes, honestly. One batch cooked faster than another.) Cool cakes on a rack for 15 minutes, then invert them onto the rack. Pour out 1/4 C of cherry brandy and brush (pastry brush) onto each layer to soak in. Mmmm. Polish off whatever you didn't put on the cake, because you are not wasteful. And then pour another sip.)
WHILE THOSE COOK, START:
Maraschino Cherry Filling
12 oz. jar maraschino cherries, chopped
2/3 cup maraschino cherry liquid
1/3 cup sugar
1 tablespoon butter
Have another nip of Kirschwasser to celebrate having the cake layers baking, yay! Drain the liquid from the cherries into a measuring cup to get your 2/3 cup; chop up the cherries into chunks. This will help the layers lay right in the end. Yay, you did it! Have another nip of kirschwasserer. In small saucepan combine sugar and
YAY YAY STEP TWO DONE MAKE THIS NOW AND CELEBRATION STATION KIRSCH KIRSCH IN MAH BELLEH
Glossy Chocolate Icing
1 stick unsalted butter (8 tablespoons)
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 1/4 cups unsweetened cocoa powder
pinch of salt
1 1/4 cups heavy whipping cream
1/4 cup sour cream
1 teaspoon instant coffee granules (maybe make a pot of coffee to wake up from the brandy. Ah, screw it drink a slug from the bottle. Mmm, it burns so good...)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Combine heavy cream, sour cream, and instant coffee in a large measuring cup, mixing until smooth. Yay! BOOZE TIMES. Wait. Wait. Hang on. We still have to make...what? Oh! Frosting. Okay, just let me... okay.
Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Stir in sugar, cocoa, and salt. This will be thick and grainy, you did nothing wrong. You know what? You're fucking beautiful, okay? You never do anything wrong and if they can't see you how I see you, then fuckem. Here. Now clink your glass on my glass and lets have yummy cherry brandy so so good, right?
Gradually add cream mixture to chocolate until blended and smooth. Cook until the sugar has dissolved and the mixture is smooth and hot to the touch, 6 – 8 minutes. Do not boil. OMG you have to focus, okay? Just...lemme close one eye so I can see this.
Remove from heat and add vanilla. Remember when Jen in 8th grade wanted to get drunk drinking a bottle of vanilla extract? What the hell was that about? I mean, there is vanilla vodka, you know? Ooh. Let's make a shot with cherry brandy and a float of vanilla vodka! SO SO GOOD MAYBE SOME BAILEYS OH MY GOD I LOVE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.
Cool icing at room temperature until spreadable 2 – 3 hours, just enough time to nap, hogod.
CAKE TIME: ASSEMBLE!
Plate! Blorp of frosting in center to hold layer still! Layer on that! Get a ziplock bag and fill with some icing because you forgot to get a pasty bag, snip the corner off! Pipe a line of frosting on the edge to hold filling! Dump and spread filling on layer! Top with next layer! Frost! Be fancy with cherries on top along the edge and pretty decorations or whatever! Swear to never drink that much novelty brandy in one sitting again!
FOR THE RECORD: this is not an overly sweet cake, by any means. It's very dense and rich from the chocolate and coffee, and the maraschinos add a touch of sweet, but it's not sugary at all.
And you don't have to add the booze, but I will hate your face.