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Letter to someone unlikely to respond

Dear common brown grasshopper that I am calling Bill...

I'm just a Bill, just a lonely ol' Bill. And I'm sittin' here on your rose bush with A MILLION OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS.Collapse )

I am seriously proud of myself here, not gonna pretend otherwise. THAT WAS SOME BRUCE LEE BID-NESS I DID. I need a macro of the kid in karate clothes that says, "Snatch a pebble, they said. I snatched their lives."

Comments

( 38 comments — Leave a comment )
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bitchygrrl
Jun. 27th, 2012 04:08 pm (UTC)
My default is perfect for this,that is some catch a fly with chopsticks shit,right there. Rock on!
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Jun. 28th, 2012 02:21 pm (UTC)
OH MY POOR ANNE GIRL!!!

I hate them so, so much. They're just DREADFULLY HORRID BEASTS.
oatmellow
Jun. 27th, 2012 08:23 pm (UTC)
Everything.

That's what I love about this letter.
midnightsjane
Jun. 28th, 2012 03:53 am (UTC)
Grasshopper, you have met your match, and her name is STONEY. Prepare to die.
LOL!
I haven't had any grasshopper problems, but I do enjoy squishing all those nasty little aphid buggers infesting my roses. I get 'em between my thumb and my fingers, and squeeze the life right out of 'em. And I am not going to apologize for it!
pushplaytobegin
Jun. 29th, 2012 06:39 am (UTC)
Thank god I had finished my milk when I read this. I snorted. Absolutely hilarious. I would not have had the stones for that maneuver. I would have run screaming. I dislike bugs. We used to have chipmunks that loved to eat grasshoppers. You go, girl.
stoney321
Jun. 29th, 2012 02:14 pm (UTC)
If you find any of those chipmunks that eat grasshoppers looking for a change of scenery, I'll reward them with spicy pecans and ear scritches if they'd consider relocating. :)
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( 38 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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