New characters introduced (names in bold), and full cast list is under the cut. Amping up to the big finale. *snerk*
The Godfather - Jossed! Part 8
Cast of Characters:
Don Vito Corleone/Godfather - Angel
Michael Corleone - Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
Santino "Sonny" Corleone - Spike
Fredo Corleone - Elijah Woods
Tom Hagen (The Consigliere) - Charles Gunn
Connie Corleone - Andrew
Kay Adams (Michael's Girl) - Winnifred "Fred" Burkle
Luca Brasi - Xander Harris
Apollonia - Cordelia Chase
Virgil Sollozzo - Ethan Rayne
Don Tattaglia - Darla
Emilio Barzini - Tavers
Johnny Fontaine - Lorne Krevlorneswath
Tessio - Doyle
Pete Clemenza - Ripper Giles
Paulie - Parker Abrams
Carlo (Connie's husband) - Warren
Bonasera, the Undertaker - Jonathon
Captain McCluskey - Principal Snyder
Fabrizzio (bad bodyguard of Michael) - Faith
Calo (good bodyguard of Michael) - Buffy
Don Strachi of Staten Island - Lindsey MacDonald
Don Barzini of New York - Drusilla
Don Corleone of the Bronx (no relation) - Gavin of Wolfram & Hart
Moe Green, hotel manager in Las Vegas - Samwise Gamgee
[CUT TO: Boardroom with the heads of the Five Families and their aides sitting around the table. Drusilla Barzini is at the head of the table.]
Don Angel: (To Drusilla, both are standing) I want to thank you, Drusilla, for helping me arrange this. And to all of you from the Five Families and your associates who came. I'm now going to deliver exposition and explain who all of you are. And let's pray to the PTB that the FBI or the Watcher's Council aren't recording this. We have from the Hollywood Hills Darla Tattagli. From the Valley, Drusilla Barzini, myself from downtown LA, Lindsey Strachi all the way from West Texas, and Gavin Hart from our overseas Eastern family. Thank you.
Don Angel: How did things get so far? Don't we all like killing people and drinking their blood? (Lindsey raises his hand, Angel shoos it away) Well, maybe not the blood drinking part, but Lindsey, you know you like the power associated with the killing. Quit being a crybaby. Darla, I've lost my son and in a humiliating manner. He was only 126 years old. Too soon... too soon. It ends here. It ends now. If you are willing to call it quits, Darla, I'm willing to let things go back to the way they were.
Drusilla: (in a sing-songy voice) An angel burned up in fire today. He called to me and spoke in rainbows.
Don Angel: Pain-bows.
Drusilla: Yeah. Beautiful bloody things. Miss Edith don't like it when the angels stop singing. You. You are my Angel now.
Darla: Uh, yeah. I agree with Drusilla that Angel shouldn't stop sharing all of his connections. Not all of us have a direct line to O positive. The way those celebrities up in the Hills taste? Feh. That goddamn Zone diet is raising the cholesterol of my minions. Now, this chocolate bar deal was going to make all the Joe Normals walking Happy Meals for all of us. Don Angel is being selfish.
Don Angel: When have I ever been selfish? Broody, moody, gloomy, a loner, yes. Selfish? When I have I ever refused you? Except that one time you came on to me, but please, you may have talents, but you are just a nice fuck.
Lindsey: You shut your mouth! (Mouths to Darla) Call me.
Drusilla: (growls and sways) My Angel knows how to make the girls come crawling.
Gavin: Aren't we supposed to be talking about the chocolate bars? My people don't care for it. We don't understand your palate, but if it means putting people under our control, we'll support it.
Darla: Then we are understood? The chocolate bar plan goes forward, we all eat, and Don Angel will provide protection downtown?
Angel: (stands) Let me make one condition. I will support you and I will not retaliate for my son's dusty end. Because I have another son who had to leave this city. But he needs to come home now. And I am a superstitious man. And should some mishap befall him... Should he eat a tainted mini-Reuben, or should he slip on a banana peel and land on a Bavarian axe, or should someone slit his throat in the night... I'm gonna blame some of the people in this room. And that I will not forgive.
(Darla stands and smirks, then slinks around the table to meet Angel in an embrace. The room applauds, then looks away as Darla begins to run a tongue up the length of Don Angel's neck and Angel cups her breast through her silk blouse. Lindsey clears his throat loudly.)
Drusilla: (clapping her hands) A party! I want music and screaming and blood and music...
[DISSOLVE TO: Angel and Gunn driving home from the meeting]
Gunn: When I meet with Darla's people, should I mention that they shouldn't eat the chocolate?
Angel: You can say it, but don't insist on it. Drusilla, although bat-shit crazy, is a person who will know that without being told. Well, her voices will tell her what she needs to know.
Gunn: You mean Darla?
Angel: Darla's a one-track mind. Sex and blood. Okay, two-track mind. She never would have gone after Spike. She wasn't fucking him, so no. I meant Drusilla. I didn't know until this day - that it was Drusilla all along. Probably shouldn't have tortured her and made her crazy.
[CUT TO: Corleone Estate. Michael is home and walking with his father in their garden]
Angel: I'm too blocked emotionally to say I'm glad you're home.
Wesley: That's quite alright. I'm too British to return in kind. That being said and out of the way... Did you honestly say that you won't retaliate?
Angel: I did. And I am Man-Pire of my word.
Wesley: Well, I am far more butch now after losing the love of my life in such a manner-
Wesley: No, the beautiful bombshell that first caught my eye. The one that is the complete opposite of Fred. Now that she's gone, I am hardened somewhat. Look at my stubble!
Angel: Yes, you are quite the little ruffian now. (Ruffles his son's hair)
Wesley: (beams and toes the dirt) I could kill them. Please? I promise to do it in such a splashy manner that no one will confuse gay with British again! I might slip into the abyss of despair, but I'll be far more handsome and quixotic than I am now...
[CUT TO: Science labs at Los Alamos, NM. Winnifred "Fred" Burkle is heading a group on nuclear propulsion]
Fred: And it's kinda hilarious how the quarks can rip through- Wesley!
Wesley: I daresay that may sting a bit. I appreciate that you may be mad at me, but to rip me to pieces with super-charged quarks... (Smiles)
Fred: But- How long- Why are you here? I thought you suffered from dry skin? This desert air must be murder.
Wesley: I use an oatmeal-based lotion. Marvelous really. Pardon. I didn't come here to test it. I need you Fred.
Fred: You can't just come in here and interrupt a lecture. These students need credit hours.
Wesley: This facility is going to lose it's funding soon, anyway, so just give them the credit hours and come away with me. I need you, Fred. If not you, who else will I put on a pedestal and worship? I'll be left with nothing but mind-blowing sex with the enemy...
Wesley: Nothing. Class, don't you think Fred should walk away with me now and you all graduate with honors? Hmm? I can throw in some Subway points for free sandwiches...
(The class hurriedly grabs their things and files out.)
Wesley: Come back with me. I need a beard. Uh, I mean, I need a wife. Every powerful business man needs one.
Fred: You... You took over your father's business? But you aren't a vampire! Um, are you? Shoot. (Grabs a number 2 pencil for protection)
Wesley: (laughing) No. But my business is my business. We won't discuss it further. Just give me babies, won't you?
Fred: For eating?
Fred: You didn't answer me...
Wesley: (laughs and takes Fred by the arm)
[CUT TO: Corleone Estate, Don's Office]
Doyle: That Darla... She may be a stiffener, but she's chipping away at all my favorite bars. She's put Willy in the hospital and there ain't nowhere I can get a pint in peace.
Ripper: Don Angel, give us a chance to recruit new, well, recruits to protect ourselves.
Wesley: Be patient. We won't have to worry about Darla after we make the move to Vegas.
Doyle: What's this Vegas chatter? Don Angel-
Angel: Listen to me. Wesley is the head of this family now. You listen to him and do what he says.
Ripper: You joking? Vegas? Well... It is the city where you can get a pint and a poke for under ten bucks.
Wesley: Just a few weeks. If you can wait that long, all of your worries will be over.
Doyle: But Don Angel-
Angel: Just do as he tells you.
Wesley: Now, when we make the move there, Warren... You are going to be my right hand monkey, er, man.
(Warren nods and secretly makes double thumbs up and squeals.)
Warren: Kick ass. The SciFi Convention there is the shiznit.
(Ripper looks away in shame.)
Wesley: Gunn? When we make the move, you are no longer Consigliere. You'll just be the family lawyer. Angel will act as my Consigliere.
Gunn: What? You kicking me out? Aw, hell no!
Wesley: It's not like that. I can't go into more detail, but just trust me that it is for all of our best interests.
(Everyone leaves the room, save Wesley, Angel and Gunn.)
Gunn: Why am I out?
Angel: Gunn, I advised Michael. It's nothing against you. I can't tell you any more, but just know that we are looking out for your best interest.
Wesley: Basically, it boils down to the fact that I have a sinking suspicion that you'll double cross us, kill my wife, and put us all in jeopardy. All in order for you to get some "book learnin'."
(Gunn stares in silence. Wesley laughs.)
Wesley: I'm kidding! We just want to keep you out of what's to come.
(Angel pats Wesley on the face and soul kisses Gunn. Gunn leaves the room quickly.)
[CUT TO: Las Vegas Strip, interior of Excaliber hotel]
(Frodo is leading Wesley and Gunn to a suite)
Frodo: Wesley... (gasp) I can't... The room is too far down the hall... (Falls down in a faint.)
Wesley: Oh, for- Gunn?
(Gunn rifles through Frodo's pockets and find the hotel room key.)
Gunn: Goddamn. The room was two more doors down. You telling me he couldn't make it that much further after all the way from the car garage?
Frodo: (weakly) Sam... Sam...
(A voice from down the hall can be heard getting louder)
Sam: I'm coming Mr. Frodo!
(A squat, short, and hairy man shows up, picks Frodo up in his arms and begins to carry him to the suite.)
Sam: I'm Samwise Green. Pleasure to be making your acquaintance finally.
(The group enters the suite. Rather subdued room, actually. Lorne Fontaine is waiting inside with a bottle of champagne.)
Lorne: Wesley! Long time no see. Look at you all manly and scruffy. Looks good on you. I see you've met Samwise? I swear, those two are never three steps away from holding each other. Kind of disgusting in a way.
Wesley: Hello, Lorne. Frodo, where's Samwise Green? He was just here. I'm only here until tomorrow and I need to talk business.
Frodo: He goes in and out. He'll be back shortly. Probably getting something to eat.
(Sam enters with tubers in his hairy hands)
Sam: I see you've all settled in? Anyone up for ‘taters?
Gunn: What's "taters?"
Sam: You know: po-ta-toes?
Wesley: Um, yes... Let's get down to business, shall we? Lorne, I want you to know how proud we all are of you. You've done well, you've had some singing lessons, and we don't notice you scooping to hit the high notes anymore. The Don has a favor to ask of you, however.
Lorne: Anything for ol' Broody McSadpants. Name it.
Wesley: We want you to get some of your Hollywood big-shot friends to come out here and perform a few times a year. We need to change the air of this place. It's all families and Disneyland. It used to be fun.
Lorne: Well, this place is pretty much a joke. Wizards? Jousts? We're filled with red-necks most nights, and they don't tip.
Wesley: Yes, it is hard to sell the Rothschild ‘58 to someone named "Emmitt." Don't worry about that. I'll handle the image. Sam is going to sell us his holding interest in Excaliber so I can do just that.
Frodo: Sam? SAM??! I... I need you, Sam...
Sam: I ain't going nowhere, Mr. Frodo. I don't know who this big-shot thinks he is, but nobody's kicking me out of my own place.
Wesley: You're time is over. It's time for the people over 4 feet now, Sam.
Sam: You right bastard! I'm tall for my people! And I'll leave when I say I'll leave. I made a promise, and than means something. It... (sobs) it means something... I tried to do my best and look after this whiney shit who passes out all the time. You know, I get tired of walking too, and I have to carry him?
Wesley: Let's not forget who bankrolled this casino in the first place. We wanted "Middle Earth" and we got a cartoon version of King Arthur. A watery moat? Please.
Sam: Well, I got a call from Drusilla. She's bat-fuck crazy, did you know that? But: she'll let me keep my "dragon out of the moat" show. I like having kids here. They... They're fun.
(Shocked gasp from everyone in the room. Wesley gathers his papers.)
Wesley: Think about a price. I leave in the morning.
(Sam leaves in a huff, which is actually ADORABLE, the little furry bugger!)
Frodo: Wesley, you can't just come here and yell at him. *chokes and coughs* Who do you think you are? *coughs/chokes* You have no idea what he means to me... He's special... He's... (whispers in a gravelly voice) precious....
Wesley: Yes, he is a cute little blighter, but that's neither here nor there. (Rummages through his pocket, pulls out something) Take this. Nasty little cough you have there. Oh and by the way... (Slaps Frodo across the face) Don't you ever take sides against the family again.
(Frodo curls into himself, clutches the lozenge to his chest and sneers as Wesley and Gunn exit.)
TBC: Here - final chapter!
On an unrelated note, I recieved a package of FANTASTIC and BEAUTIFUL music from my little Frenchie, jamalov29!! It's WONDERFUL!! What did I ever do to deserve such a great flist? You guys are the best.