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I've been in a weird headspace lately which usually leads to me scrolling through Bad Places for fanfic to escape in. But those who have been around from the Early Days of this LJ will know that when I say BAD, I mean dreadful in the most delightful way. It's one of my happy places. Like watching Troll 2 or The Room. (Oh, hai Mairk.)

Let's have fun with a poll about fanfiction under the cut, shall we?*

*I do not in any way shape or form consider myself an expert (haha, you'll see why under the cut) writer or the gate keeper to what is right. This is my journal, and I'm having a go. Trust me, I'm harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. And boy, do they try to be hard on me. That's what she said. That made no sense, I realize that now.


COME ON, THAT'S FUNNY. (There's a very good reason why my journal name used to be Broken Inside.)

ION, I am baking an apple pie for Miss Emily, who turns ELEVEN tomorrow [oh my god, how?!?]. She requested a birthday pie instead of cake, because she's fun like that. (I made homemade vanilla bean ice cream earlier today so that it could firm up in the freezer overnight.)

[ETA] LJ is lying to those of you with b-day notifications. My birthday is not today, but the 8th.


( 67 comments — Leave a comment )
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Aug. 6th, 2012 11:29 pm (UTC)
I honestly couldn't decide between thundersquirt and purple-helmeted mantool. It was like Sophie's Choice OMG.
Aug. 6th, 2012 11:52 pm (UTC)
That's why they were ticky boxes! I would not judge you for picking them both.

*drowns purple-headed mantool because thundersquirt is secretly my favorite*
*does so expertly*
Aug. 7th, 2012 12:00 am (UTC)
1. Oh, God. Some of my early fanfics...I happened across one the other day and facepalmed SO HARD. Yay improvement?

2. Thank the sweet baby Jeebus I avoided writing sex scenes in those early fics. Expertly, I might add.
Aug. 7th, 2012 12:11 am (UTC)
Ooooh, I have pulled my early ones from the web because WOW are they horrid. HORRID!! We all make those baby steps, right?

I did not expertly avoid those scenes and yeah. There's a reason why they're no longer online. OH THE HORROR. I still have some of the early ones, but they're to show my improvement over the years? I guess?
Aug. 7th, 2012 12:03 am (UTC)
I smoked a cigarette after taking that poll. Expertly, like a professional, like a PhD in Cigarette Smoking where I just gave my oral presentation and there was spontaneous applause and they published my article in Professional Cigarette Smoking Journal which was peer reviewed by the world champions of cigarette smoking of which I have now become.

Also after taking that poll I farted a little. Not expertly. There was aftermath. What I'm saying is that like an amateur I shat myself. Thank god all this cigarette smoke is masking the smell.

I take my happy birthday from you and give it to Miss Emily. I loved LJ's quick succession of 'someone has a birthday coming u...OMG IT'S HERE!'. I think I wasn't the only person who crapped themselves.
Aug. 7th, 2012 12:17 am (UTC)
I believe in you.
I, as an expert farter (the dissertation I presented? Smelled of elderberries and SUCCESS) would like to offer you my expertise on farting, as I am considered World Renowned in the act of gas passing. (I did my undergraduate in a chili factory.)

It's really technical, and I'd have to actually be there to train you in clenching - so many people think they know what they're doing, but that's because they haven't really studied the craft, you know? - but I can get you from shitting yourself to blaming small children in a couple of weeks.

There will be a lot of cheese, whiskey, and bran muffins involved.

Re: I believe in you. - dovil - Aug. 7th, 2012 12:57 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 7th, 2012 01:02 am (UTC)

I would LOVE to read a fic where some dude sticks his pee pee (I had to take a typing break there, I was laughing so hard) into some chick's lady bucket. I would never. stop. laughing. OMG.
Aug. 7th, 2012 01:06 am (UTC)

Also, this reminded me of a scene from one of the Naked Gun movies where they start reading from some trashy novel where "he thrust his purple headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding." AHAHAHAHA.
Aug. 7th, 2012 01:14 am (UTC)

Expect your fic soon.
... - stephanierb - Aug. 7th, 2012 01:59 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 7th, 2012 02:00 am (UTC)
You give me funny feelings in my special place, Ms. Stoney.

By which I mean my brain, of course. Let me show you on this doll....
Aug. 7th, 2012 02:28 am (UTC)


*snerk* Seriously, WTF is wrong with so many writers of fanfiction? It maketh the cerebral folds to ache.
Aug. 7th, 2012 03:41 am (UTC)
"Thundersquirt" made me laugh until I squirted.

In Glee fandom, everyone is evil except Sue. Who is saintly.
Aug. 7th, 2012 04:21 am (UTC)
You are awful in the best way possible. =) (ie. awfully funny). I had managed to stay out of the badly written fic until I joined the Avengers fandom and now the "spurting ropey strands" features in way too many fics. What, exactly, do they believe the Super Soldier Serum did to Steve Rogers that that is what happens when he comes?
Aug. 7th, 2012 12:46 pm (UTC)
I picked 'peeling an apple' as an action which can reasonably be modified by 'expertly', based on the time I saw Iron Chef where Sakai peeled something like two dozen apples in the time it took a CIA student to peel five. Now that was some expert apple peeling (with a chef's knife. Dude.)

another insult that I will save for comments, missy.

Completely awesome. (That's an insult, right? It's so hard to know what the kids are saying, these days.) ;)
Aug. 7th, 2012 11:22 pm (UTC)
Wishing you an early but very happy birthday...expertly!!
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( 67 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

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