Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone
stoney321

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THE MOST HORRIBLE THING EVER TO HAPPEN IN THE HISTORY OF EVER

But I should mention that "it" is not real. It only lives in my paranoid thoughts.

So, for the past, oh, two weeks I've been sneezing. I don't really do that, normally. I'm pretty healthy - hearty and hale, that's me! And when I say sneezing, I mean my kids counted me sneezing 12 times in a row, I caught my breath, and then I went off again another 12 times. Lather, rinse, repeat. Nothing I do helps, no nasal spray, neti pots, shoving crayons up there, nada. (And I have nothing new in my house to be an allergen; it must be something outside, IDK and MOVING ON.)

This morning I read on GAWKER that some poor woman went to the doctor for an itchy ear and there was a spider living in her ear canal oh dear god flame the side of her face and save her soul. Pretty much my worst nightmare. Well, my worst nightmare is a grasshopper handing on my face and stabbing my eyeball with its disgusting pointed foot.

AND NOW ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT I HAVE SINUS GNATS. Like, you know when you walk through a cloud of midges and snort sharply through your nostrils to make sure they don't fly up there? WHAT IF I DIDN'T DO THAT ENOUGH AND NOW THEY ARE LIVING IN MY FACE.

If this is true, I will allow the doctors to submerge my body into a lake of lava face first, because I am not coming back from that emotionally sound, you feel me?
Tags: spider!, waaaah, wtf no seriously wtf?
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  • 37 comments

  • Giant list of things expected of me on a daily basis.

    make sure all persons in the house wake up make sure all persons in the house eat, take meds, get out the door on time keep all persons in…

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