?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

But I should mention that "it" is not real. It only lives in my paranoid thoughts.

So, for the past, oh, two weeks I've been sneezing. I don't really do that, normally. I'm pretty healthy - hearty and hale, that's me! And when I say sneezing, I mean my kids counted me sneezing 12 times in a row, I caught my breath, and then I went off again another 12 times. Lather, rinse, repeat. Nothing I do helps, no nasal spray, neti pots, shoving crayons up there, nada. (And I have nothing new in my house to be an allergen; it must be something outside, IDK and MOVING ON.)

This morning I read on GAWKER that some poor woman went to the doctor for an itchy ear and there was a spider living in her ear canal oh dear god flame the side of her face and save her soul. Pretty much my worst nightmare. Well, my worst nightmare is a grasshopper handing on my face and stabbing my eyeball with its disgusting pointed foot.

AND NOW ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT I HAVE SINUS GNATS. Like, you know when you walk through a cloud of midges and snort sharply through your nostrils to make sure they don't fly up there? WHAT IF I DIDN'T DO THAT ENOUGH AND NOW THEY ARE LIVING IN MY FACE.

If this is true, I will allow the doctors to submerge my body into a lake of lava face first, because I am not coming back from that emotionally sound, you feel me?

Comments

stoney321
Aug. 9th, 2012 10:05 pm (UTC)
THERE NEEDS TO BE A WEB MD PAGE FOR THINGS THAT MIGHT POSSIBLY BE IN YOUR NOSE.

it's probably some of those sightless cave fish trapped up in there. D:
elizardbits
Aug. 9th, 2012 10:07 pm (UTC)
ALSO GOOGLE "NEW SPECIES BRAZILIAN BLIND SNAKE"

maybe that is in your nosey too
stoney321
Aug. 9th, 2012 10:08 pm (UTC)
THAT IS PROBABLY UP MY BUTT with a co-co-nut

It's a wonder I'm still BREATHING RIGHT NOW. Maybe it's taken over the host and I'm not really me? I AM A GIANT SACK OF MEAT WITH A BUG LIVING INSIDE!?

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      
Powered by LiveJournal.com