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...am I the only one that remembers that song? Because it was pretty dope. That's what the kids are saying, right? Or is it still fat with a P-H?

1. I went on an audition this morning, something I've not done in AGES.
2. not since my last audition for a movie called "Butter."
3. and guess what movie release was just announced today?
4. and what has an amazing cast? (Hugh Jackman!! Rob Cordry! Ty Burrell!!)
5. and who has two thumbs and didn't get a final callback? (hint: me)
6. But if you're going to lose a part, losing it to Alicia Silverstone is pretty sweet, I guess?
7. (But why were they bothering to audition me when they had HER in the works?)
8. But back to me keeping my "husband" from my delicious guacamole.

* It's always interesting to see how people react when you go to a marketing building for an audition, as opposed to a studio. Regular people are SO FASCINATED by these shlubs coming in with headshots. Someone in the elevator asked me in a breathless voice, "Are you an actress?"

Yes! And that means I am hungry and never work! How's that steady paycheck of yours, Ms. Office Exec? And the lack of being judged out loud on your looks? (that really is the worst. Or when you hear back that they didn't like x, y, z about your face/body.)

* New actors. (As in, new to the audition process.) PROTIP: get to the audition on time. And with five minutes to spare. And dress the part. And understand the difference between a 30 second spot (which means 20 seconds of actor-time, 10 seconds of VO) and a feature.

(Translation: my "husband"- a very sweet man - didn't need to "connect" with his inner mind or whatever to ask me for some of my guacamole. Just ask me. This isn't Hamlet. No one needs to see your inner turmoil over snack foods.)

* Unprofessional actors. I've seen a woman bring her 3 year old on an audition before, expecting the child to remain unattended in the lobby. NO. No. You cancel that audition, lady. The hell?

* short co-stars. Guys? I'm 5' 6". Average for a lady. There have only been THREE TIMES where I've worked with a man that was as tall or taller than me. Out of all the jobs I've had. Three. Two of them were in the same project (Blood on the Highway.) Most guys are 5'3" to 5'5". Jon Stewart? 5' 4". Dustin Hoffman? Barely that. They have huge heads (esp. for TV actors) and tend to look like they're normal height (say, 5'8" or so.) When you have a tall guy - Will Ferrell, for example is just under 6' 3" - they look ENORMOUS.

Liz? Wasn't it you that said Cameron Diaz was actually 5'5" or something? She's listed on imdb at 5'9", snerk. Probably to help her co-stars out. IDK I FIND THIS STUFF FASCINATING. (And I have honest measurements on my card. BOY IS THAT RARE.)

* Red heads. Next time you turn on your TV, look at the ladies in commercials. 90% are red heads. There is a girl in my agency that ALWAYS gets the part if we go head to head. Guess what color her hair is? (Yes, I realize I'm saying that I'm every bit as talented as she is. Because I am. *beams*) Hey, this industry lives to beat you down, you better like yourself, because no one else does!

Look, all I want out of life is a 1-800-CONTACTS "My brand!" commercial in my career, okay? LOOK. LOOK WITH YOUR SPECIAL EYES.

Commercials can be awful to audition for. There's no real "acting" involved. It's looking like something, for the most part. When you actually get to DO something, it's awesome. But then, I wouldn't have turned down the Flo gig for Progressive, because she is rolling in coin from those. National ads that go to air, print, and internet? And become a series? Cha-ching!

I did get to go first, which is awesome, because the director laughed pretty hard at me (which was the goal, lol) and had my partner change it up, but had me do "everything again just like you did." <-- which means I nailed it. Let's hope I look the way the marketing people ultimately want. LET'S HOPE. internet pls.

Spoilers possible ahead, up to Season 2 ep. 4!! BUT PLEASE DON'T SPOIL ME FOR WHAT'S TO COME!!

So I really enjoy the hell out of this show. It's just...fun. First off, I would watch Matt Bomer read a paper. I like all of the leads, honestly, but MATT. BOMER. I almost have to put a pinhole in cardboard to look at him. The man is nuclear-levels of charming.

Neal and Peter are my bro-tp. Peter is so delightfully pleased with what Neal can do, it's hilarious. He practically giggles when Neal does something sneaky or borderline illegal, which is hilarious as he's an FBI AGENT. I love Mozzie, love El, heck, I even love the side characters in the Federal Bee Eye.

I never knew I was into capers and heists, but looks like I am. Thank you, Matt!

The last episode I saw was the one with the professor and his students as a gang of art thieves, copying Neal's style. I loved how excited he was to be at that level, one, and I love how secretly gleeful Peter was that Neal was at that level. And then he had to play it off like he was irritated. I don't know if it's a choice Tim Dekay is making for Peter, or if he just can't help himself, but his HUGE GRIN for Neal any time they're together is the cutest thing on the planet.


( 30 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 29th, 2012 05:06 pm (UTC)
I was really curious how many things over lap between acting auditions and opera auditions. Frankly, a lot. Which I suppose makes sense since they are both performance art.
And if they do not overlap exactly, they make up for it in other annoying ways! Hurray!

Because obviously I also get judged on singing. Body not as much, but it is becoming a factor now that they are trying to figure out how to compete with the movies, tv, and musical theatre honestly.

"Yes! And that means I am hungry and never work! How's that steady paycheck of yours, Ms. Office Exec?"

mwahahah my favorite. When I get asked "Ohhhh where do you sing??"
I say "Wherever they pay me" BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.
Aug. 29th, 2012 05:12 pm (UTC)
I much prefer auditioning for theater - you don't have as many "model-actors" in the world of stage as you do in film/commercial work.

It's fun to have something meaty to work with. Commercials are rarely that. BUT. It's awesome to get that paycheck for a day's work, I won't even pretend otherwise. :D
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Aug. 29th, 2012 05:28 pm (UTC)
White Collar is seriously one of my favorite shows. I love the complicated "How'd they pull it off?!?!?" style of crime/caper show, much like Ocean's 11 and Leverage. If you haven't watched Leverage, it's just as hilarious (imho) as White Collar.

And, my riding trainer's horse is named Mozzie, after Mozzie in this series. They have very similar goofy personalities. I love how Peter is both frustrated and amused at Neil. And how every time Neil talks about his past experiences, it's "alleged". Too. Funny!
Aug. 29th, 2012 06:19 pm (UTC)
I've heard so many good things about Leverage. If I can find time to watch it, it's def. on my list, too.

HA! I love that about your trainer's horse! <3 The constant "alleged" cracks me up, too.

It's such a fun show.
Aug. 29th, 2012 05:43 pm (UTC)
They probably used you to frighten Alicia Silverstone into behaving herself. "See who we have lined up? Learn those lines!"

*dips you in henna*
Aug. 29th, 2012 06:19 pm (UTC)
LOL! I'll tell myself that so I can sleep at night! <3
Aug. 29th, 2012 06:03 pm (UTC)
And the lack of being judged out loud on your looks?

Okay, I don't want to start an international incident here. I do realize that as an actress you are judged for your looks as well as your ability, and I agree with the person who said you are the secret weapon against Ms. Silverstone.

But whether anyone wants to admit it or not, ALL women are judged on their looks. Often out loud (as someone who has been moo-ed at on the street and had someone I didn't even know cross the street to tell me it was too bad I was so fat because I have such a pretty face.) People - usually men but not always - feel free to discuss the look of women and pass judgement on them.

I hope you get/got the part.

Edited at 2012-08-29 06:04 pm (UTC)
Aug. 29th, 2012 06:23 pm (UTC)
Oh, no, I am FULLY AWARE of how women are judged on their looks in many cases in the work place.

But if I was, say, applying for a job as an IT professional, they wouldn't say, "Well, we would prefer someone with model-looks, not the, sorry, um...'crazy best friend.'"

Or "No dark skin." <-- they can say this in callsheets. NO, REALLY. To have people tell you that you have the skill set they want, but they don't like your teeth, or drop 20 pounds? That's not happening in job interviews. It's happened on auditions I've had over the years.

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Aug. 29th, 2012 06:55 pm (UTC)
I love your acting thoughts. I hope you get the part!

MATT. BOMER. I almost have to put a pinhole in cardboard to look at him.

This! He totally makes the show.
Aug. 29th, 2012 06:58 pm (UTC)
Me, too! It would be a fun commercial. BUT WHO KNOWS. Well, I'll know by Friday. :D

MATT BOMER. I just...as flaming_muse said, "He has a husband that wakes up to that face every morning. He has children that get to climb on him and touch him. Like, every day!" HOW ARE THEY NOT ON FIRE FROM HIS HOTNESS?
Aug. 29th, 2012 08:35 pm (UTC)
Oh man, I LOVE Matt Bomer! He is, of course, perfection in White Collar.

P.S. May I join you in watching him read the newspaper? BECAUSE I TOTALLY WOULD!!!

Aaaaaand, dammit! I could have sworn I had a Bomer icon but I don't. I need to remedy this!
Aug. 29th, 2012 08:56 pm (UTC)
HE IS JUST DELICIOUS. I would sop him up with a biscuit, I'm just saying.
Aug. 29th, 2012 08:36 pm (UTC)
If you want me to cut Alicia Silverstone I WILL CUT ALICIA SILVERSTONE!

The midget/inflated head actor thing is definitely a well established aspect of the male acting world. I think that bloke off Hawaii 5-0 is a genetic experiment in how to perfect this. Next actors will be so short that their giant heads will drag about the floor as they walk. So hot!
Aug. 29th, 2012 08:58 pm (UTC)

OMG, D, I cannot look at that monstrosity from Hawaii 5-0 without hoarking. I AM SORRY, FLIST THAT LOVES HIM. He is disproportionate and it makes me ANGRY. (lol)

...wank in three, two,
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Aug. 29th, 2012 08:55 pm (UTC)
There are some days when I feel that Neil is a puppy and Peter/El are his proud parents. lol
Aug. 29th, 2012 08:59 pm (UTC)
I think Neal Caffrey is ADORABLE. And hahaha, that's a good fit, there! <3
Aug. 29th, 2012 09:40 pm (UTC)
I'm glad the director laughed! Yay!!!

Peter just adores Neal, doesn't he? He's just so proud of him! OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
Aug. 29th, 2012 09:52 pm (UTC)
He did!! Wait...how are you emailing me?! I imagined you on the back of a beluga right about now, sailing off into the distance! :D

I LOVE THEM, TOO!! Nice, long email coming at you, btw!
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Aug. 30th, 2012 01:17 am (UTC)
Liz? Wasn't it you that said Cameron Diaz was actually 5'5" or something?

YES. I am about 5'3"ish in trainers, and I was standing right next to her and looking at our reflections in the mirror (she goes to my gym sometimes) and she was no more than a couple of inches taller than me. Alec Baldwin is also not very tall. Voldemort is tall. (ugh i keep forgetting his name)
Aug. 30th, 2012 01:34 am (UTC)
LIZ WHYUSO TEENY? OMG, I would cuddle you up, you delicate flower. LOL.

I bet Alec Baldwin isn't tall. What, 5' 8", max? LOL Ralph Fiennes. I like that he's tall for some strange reason?
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( 30 comments — Leave a comment )


Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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