Laura Stone (stoney321) wrote,
Laura Stone

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I don't really like Facebook. But. [snerk]

So I have a fb, because it's the 21rst century and I'm not Amish. But I don't really LIKE it. I have people from high school and college (aka, the Mormons) friended, and use it to stalk ex-boyfriends' pictures see what people are up to.

Yesterday I posted an idea for a TV show (and some friends and I are actually moving forward on it, YAY!) about gardening, etc. Lots of back and forth comments with friends on the idea, how to get it produced, etc.

But you need this backstory: One person from college added me a few years back, and never said a word. (We had gone on a few dates, including a Big School Dance. He isn't The Date That brought a Date, mind.) He and some other guys (the one that went on and on about his Mission in Micronesia and the guy that thought a girl talking to him meant they wanted to marry this dudebro) had a Depeche Mode-style band (omg lol) and were King Turds of Shit Mountain that was my small college town. They all are still trying to make it in the "industry" after almost 20 years. In Utah. Yeah, that'll happen.

So after 2+ years from when he added me and never said a word, he finally messaged me yesterday. (And he is still LDS with 6 kids now.)
"Hey, what's up? It's Jimmy from school. I saw you post on FB and thought I'd see what you were up to these days? Where are you living? It looks like you work in film or news or something interesting like that. Remember that one time when we went up to Cedar City and discoed the shit out of that place? That was good times. Catch you later. Jimmy"

1. We never went to Cedar City and "discoed the shit" out that place. We went to SLC and went to a concert, however. (Which you left to meet "someone." Mm hmm.
2. Are you being cool by saying "shit?" Because Elder [his Last Name] that isn't in the Lord's Plan. Also, GRAMMAR, SON.
3. Remember when I took you to Sadie Hawkins? And paid for all of your things? And was awesome? And we were on the front page of the newspaper by sheer force of our awesomeness?
4. Most importantly, remember how we went back to my dorm, made out, and then you paused with your hand up my shirt and asked for advice on how to deal with your girlfriend? BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I REMEMBER.
5. What am I "up to?" Being awesome, atheistic, drinking wine, and not torturing myself over you asshole Utah dudes anymore. Kiss your wife for me! (He married that girlfriend, if you're not picking that up.)

IS THERE ANY WONDER WHY I DIDN'T STAY IN UTAH. Gross. I am so happy that every Utah boy found me unappealing. WHEW.

Side story: I had a dream last night that we brought home a GREAT WHITE SHARK to swim in our pool (which was my bedroom - dream logic, wtf?) and we kept trying to tame in, then I got really, really scared and didn't know how to deal with it, so we let it flop itself onto the deck and die. O_O Thanks, Ny-Quil! (I think I even tried to kiss the corner of its lips? I DON'T EVEN KNOW, GANG.) Just remembered: it snapped off half of its fin when it flopped onto the deck. And I was all scared to get near it because EVEN MY DREAM SELF KNOWS GREAT WHITES = DEATH.
Tags: mormons, wtf no seriously wtf?
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