I spent the day writing almost 4000 words of kid-fic. KLAINE KID-FIC. Guys? I frakking HATE kid fic.* Oh, what a perfect little child, and isn't it precious how they cry? The parents always lovingly gaze at one another like, "So little [Purply Prose Name like Ameiliaigh or Randolphe or Doritos Cool Ranch Pay For Our Child's College Jr.] has made an oopsie in their Natural Cloth Organic Diaper, sweetums! Won't you help me as I change it? We can beam down at them, laughing and smiling as we remember how much we love each other whilst tenderly wiping their precious cargo/as you romantically propose to me."
And I of course know that in the real world that means it has sprayed up out of the back of their clothes and onto the white sofa (because in kid-fic they always have adult furniture and HAHAHAHA YOU CANNOT HAVE BEIGE COUCHES ANYMORE, WHAT ON EARTH?!). Sorry if that grosses you out, but that is what happens with actualfax children. And they never shut the hell up. I mean, their loving voices are constantly raised in song and wonder to the heavens.
Um. So. This is a fail-fic. And it makes me laugh really hard. And it's based on Real Life Events involving #2 and her RealLife Doll that she was responsible for in her Human Development class. Best. Birth-control. Ever.
Snerk. I'll post tomorrow. I JUST. What's next, song-fic? FURRIES?!!* KILL ME IF I DO.
*Attn people that want to be offended. You can like whatever you like. Heck, write a billion word fic on that topic if the mood strikes! *I* just don't like it.
And I of course know that in the real world that means it has sprayed up out of the back of their clothes and onto the white sofa (because in kid-fic they always have adult furniture and HAHAHAHA YOU CANNOT HAVE BEIGE COUCHES ANYMORE, WHAT ON EARTH?!). Sorry if that grosses you out, but that is what happens with actualfax children. And they never shut the hell up. I mean, their loving voices are constantly raised in song and wonder to the heavens.
Um. So. This is a fail-fic. And it makes me laugh really hard. And it's based on Real Life Events involving #2 and her RealLife Doll that she was responsible for in her Human Development class. Best. Birth-control. Ever.
Snerk. I'll post tomorrow. I JUST. What's next, song-fic? FURRIES?!!* KILL ME IF I DO.
*Attn people that want to be offended. You can like whatever you like. Heck, write a billion word fic on that topic if the mood strikes! *I* just don't like it.
- Spock is::
amused
'Oos dis bint, then?
stoney321- Laura Stone
- Hey, Don't Judge Me
Comments
Meanwhile, their five year old cousin is poking his tongue out and talking with a lisp. A Precious Lisp.
I LOVE THEM HAVING KIDS, TOO. It is quite the conundrum! :D I don't think I've ever even read kid-fic in Glee fandom, honestly. Huh.
Clearly, we have both BECOME OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE EVIL MAGIKS ARE AFOOT. CALL A PRIEST. OR A RABBI. OR THE BATMAN.
KITA, THAT IS HOW THEY GET YOU. DO NOT SAVE THE KOOLAID RECIPES, I REPEAT: DO NOT SAVE THE KOOLAID RECIPES.
I AM SO GLAD I MADE YOU LAUGH.
I'm going to post it in just a bit, actually. :)
1) AGREED omg
2) AHAHAHA at having eager babysitters. Wow, is that not how it is.
3) Oh, that bugs me, too. JK ROWLING I AM SCOWLING FOREVER AT YOU, JFC. Very rarely is there a nickname someone gives a kid in a story that doesn't bother me, but they're usually so twee and "precious" (and unoriginal) that I don't like that, either.
AND THERE WERE COWBOY VAMPS, TOO!!!
Edited at 2012-11-04 01:37 am (UTC)
My daughter was positively sobbing at one point, trying to "help" the baby. I, of course, was laughing.
OR GET ONE OF THESE BABIES. OMG, the horror! ;D
The detail I get the most kick out of is the outfit, because of the layers. If it was Emilia I bet she'd be in the hat and dress from Breakfast at Tiffany's.
I am SO HAPPY you loved the layers!!! That made me howl with laughter to write, so it's awesome that I'm not laughing alone.
Kurt would TOTALLY Audrey Hepburn his daughter, right?
I've written Spuffy baby!fic. And kid fic. With real kids. (I gave them twin boys who were right little hell raisers. Love that fic. Mind you, it's also the schmoopiest thing I've ever written, but the kids are allright. *g*)
I have three of my own... I know EXACTLY what you speak of!
ETA: Went back and looked at the baby!fic (it's about the birth of said twins, and a lot of it is introspection from Spike, as he worries about what kind of father he'll be etc. etc. - I'm sure you know the drill: former vampire introspection & musings on redemption & second chances & having been a monster and so on. BEAUTIFUL, I tells ya. Very deep. And I'm still thrilled to bits with my ending:
Edited at 2012-11-04 08:42 am (UTC)
And Spike's prayer at the end: SO SAY WE ALL! <3
You should have one of them snap and drown the kid in the bathtub, but I don't know what songs appropriate for that. "I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair" from South Pacific is probably stretching it, but hey, it's preppy.
A furry song-fic is next on the agenda now. You said it, it has to happen now. Ahahaha, god help us all.
Oh! I should write knotting fic where each powerthrust from the ALpha causes the bottom(cough) to piss the baby out one.thrust.at.a.time.
And then the child bursts into song and rainbows explode and wings sprout out of everyone's faces THE END!