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I don't even know who I AM anymore

I spent the day writing almost 4000 words of kid-fic. KLAINE KID-FIC. Guys? I frakking HATE kid fic.* Oh, what a perfect little child, and isn't it precious how they cry? The parents always lovingly gaze at one another like, "So little [Purply Prose Name like Ameiliaigh or Randolphe or Doritos Cool Ranch Pay For Our Child's College Jr.] has made an oopsie in their Natural Cloth Organic Diaper, sweetums! Won't you help me as I change it? We can beam down at them, laughing and smiling as we remember how much we love each other whilst tenderly wiping their precious cargo/as you romantically propose to me."

And I of course know that in the real world that means it has sprayed up out of the back of their clothes and onto the white sofa (because in kid-fic they always have adult furniture and HAHAHAHA YOU CANNOT HAVE BEIGE COUCHES ANYMORE, WHAT ON EARTH?!). Sorry if that grosses you out, but that is what happens with actualfax children. And they never shut the hell up. I mean, their loving voices are constantly raised in song and wonder to the heavens.

Um. So. This is a fail-fic. And it makes me laugh really hard. And it's based on Real Life Events involving #2 and her RealLife Doll that she was responsible for in her Human Development class. Best. Birth-control. Ever.

Snerk. I'll post tomorrow. I JUST. What's next, song-fic? FURRIES?!!* KILL ME IF I DO.

*Attn people that want to be offended. You can like whatever you like. Heck, write a billion word fic on that topic if the mood strikes! *I* just don't like it.

Comments

evewithanapple
Nov. 4th, 2012 01:36 am (UTC)
Oh man, I had one of those robobabies in eleventh grade and it was THE ASSIGNMENT FROM HELL. I had one of the older models that you had to hold a key to to make it stop, and you had to twist your wrist to keep it keyed in, so I basically had to hold my hand like that until it cramped. And it went off six times on the first night alone, and in media studies when we were watching a movie and GAHHHH. We were watching what's now one of my favourite movies, and yet I still can't watch it without twitching internally, waiting for that horrible noise.

Edited at 2012-11-04 01:37 am (UTC)
stoney321
Nov. 4th, 2012 02:03 am (UTC)
I'm telling you, it's the greatest birth control in the world, right? DO NOT WANT THIS. (Unless you do, but hopefully not when you're still in high school.)

My daughter was positively sobbing at one point, trying to "help" the baby. I, of course, was laughing.
evewithanapple
Nov. 4th, 2012 02:09 am (UTC)
THE BEST. Although I did point out to my teacher at the time that it doesn't really replicate the experience of having a baby- real babies have upsides, like being cuddly and your having been programmed to care about it. These things are just hunks of screaming plastic.

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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