?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

I don't even know who I AM anymore

I spent the day writing almost 4000 words of kid-fic. KLAINE KID-FIC. Guys? I frakking HATE kid fic.* Oh, what a perfect little child, and isn't it precious how they cry? The parents always lovingly gaze at one another like, "So little [Purply Prose Name like Ameiliaigh or Randolphe or Doritos Cool Ranch Pay For Our Child's College Jr.] has made an oopsie in their Natural Cloth Organic Diaper, sweetums! Won't you help me as I change it? We can beam down at them, laughing and smiling as we remember how much we love each other whilst tenderly wiping their precious cargo/as you romantically propose to me."

And I of course know that in the real world that means it has sprayed up out of the back of their clothes and onto the white sofa (because in kid-fic they always have adult furniture and HAHAHAHA YOU CANNOT HAVE BEIGE COUCHES ANYMORE, WHAT ON EARTH?!). Sorry if that grosses you out, but that is what happens with actualfax children. And they never shut the hell up. I mean, their loving voices are constantly raised in song and wonder to the heavens.

Um. So. This is a fail-fic. And it makes me laugh really hard. And it's based on Real Life Events involving #2 and her RealLife Doll that she was responsible for in her Human Development class. Best. Birth-control. Ever.

Snerk. I'll post tomorrow. I JUST. What's next, song-fic? FURRIES?!!* KILL ME IF I DO.

*Attn people that want to be offended. You can like whatever you like. Heck, write a billion word fic on that topic if the mood strikes! *I* just don't like it.

Comments

chefreeni
Nov. 4th, 2012 07:00 am (UTC)
I have read the fic of which you speak and raise my calloused, burned, pricked, painted-with-marker and white-glued hand in praise.
The detail I get the most kick out of is the outfit, because of the layers. If it was Emilia I bet she'd be in the hat and dress from Breakfast at Tiffany's.
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2012 12:03 am (UTC)
Hahahaha! One of the funniest things I read about parenting was by Dave Barry, who woke up deaf in one ear. He immediately suspected his three year old (and was right, as his son had poured glue into his ear while his dad slept.)

I am SO HAPPY you loved the layers!!! That made me howl with laughter to write, so it's awesome that I'm not laughing alone.

Kurt would TOTALLY Audrey Hepburn his daughter, right?
chefreeni
Nov. 6th, 2012 02:12 am (UTC)
no hon, Blaine would. It would all be on Blaine to go old Hollywood, because Kurt would know that that stuff is all handwash or dry-clean only.
Do you watch The New Normal? Everyone's saying it's future!Klaine, but I say not really... for one thing Klaine would have the Hummel house on speed-dial so that Carole and Burt could listen to to the baby's cry and diagnose the situational response.

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

Time Wot It Is

April 2017
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      
Powered by LiveJournal.com