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I don't even know who I AM anymore

I spent the day writing almost 4000 words of kid-fic. KLAINE KID-FIC. Guys? I frakking HATE kid fic.* Oh, what a perfect little child, and isn't it precious how they cry? The parents always lovingly gaze at one another like, "So little [Purply Prose Name like Ameiliaigh or Randolphe or Doritos Cool Ranch Pay For Our Child's College Jr.] has made an oopsie in their Natural Cloth Organic Diaper, sweetums! Won't you help me as I change it? We can beam down at them, laughing and smiling as we remember how much we love each other whilst tenderly wiping their precious cargo/as you romantically propose to me."

And I of course know that in the real world that means it has sprayed up out of the back of their clothes and onto the white sofa (because in kid-fic they always have adult furniture and HAHAHAHA YOU CANNOT HAVE BEIGE COUCHES ANYMORE, WHAT ON EARTH?!). Sorry if that grosses you out, but that is what happens with actualfax children. And they never shut the hell up. I mean, their loving voices are constantly raised in song and wonder to the heavens.

Um. So. This is a fail-fic. And it makes me laugh really hard. And it's based on Real Life Events involving #2 and her RealLife Doll that she was responsible for in her Human Development class. Best. Birth-control. Ever.

Snerk. I'll post tomorrow. I JUST. What's next, song-fic? FURRIES?!!* KILL ME IF I DO.

*Attn people that want to be offended. You can like whatever you like. Heck, write a billion word fic on that topic if the mood strikes! *I* just don't like it.

Comments

elisi
Nov. 4th, 2012 08:21 am (UTC)
*cackles*

I've written Spuffy baby!fic. And kid fic. With real kids. (I gave them twin boys who were right little hell raisers. Love that fic. Mind you, it's also the schmoopiest thing I've ever written, but the kids are allright. *g*)

I have three of my own... I know EXACTLY what you speak of!

ETA: Went back and looked at the baby!fic (it's about the birth of said twins, and a lot of it is introspection from Spike, as he worries about what kind of father he'll be etc. etc. - I'm sure you know the drill: former vampire introspection & musings on redemption & second chances & having been a monster and so on. BEAUTIFUL, I tells ya. Very deep. And I'm still thrilled to bits with my ending:

Three weeks later, Spike can vaguely recall that he had some noble motive or other attached to this fatherhood thing. But the only thought that his hazy, barely-functioning brain is able to process is a fervent, desperate prayer: ‘Dear God, for the sake of all that is holy - please, please let them sleep for more than half an hour!’


Edited at 2012-11-04 08:42 am (UTC)
stoney321
Nov. 5th, 2012 12:04 am (UTC)
Hahahaha - realism never lets the idealism stand, right?

And Spike's prayer at the end: SO SAY WE ALL! <3

Tags

Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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