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First off, HELLO. Life has been stupid and hard (as per ushe) and I would very much like to be two people, thank you. (And then fake the first one's death. Hello, insurance settlement!)

Second, because the thought of doing anything other than breathing in and out most days makes me curl up in the fetal position, I wanted to ask those that read the SouthLAnd recaps on HDJM a question:

Poll #1896520 How high do you want me to jump? (HDJM question)

You: Jump Me: How high?

this high [hands to your knee]
5(14.7%)
this high [hands to your crotch, hey now!]
13(38.2%)
this high [hands to your chest, hey hey whaddya say!]
6(17.6%)
this high [hands over your head]
5(14.7%)
this high [stratosphere]
5(14.7%)

Me: wow, I have strong quads, but you are ridiculous.

You: No, YOU are.
3(5.7%)
You: No, your FACE is.
3(5.7%)
You: YOUR MOM IS RIDICULOUS.
6(11.3%)
You: I feel strangely bad about that whole "your face/your mom" thing.
5(9.4%)
You: I try to not be confrontational, typically.
5(9.4%)
You: I wasn't even paying attention, GOD.
4(7.5%)
You: Are you going to finish that? [points to cake]
18(34.0%)
You: YOU GO, GLEN COCO.
9(17.0%)

I have the idea of writing up the SouthLAnd recaps and posting them on Friday. This is because it's a late airing show and my life is hard.

Pfft, you don't know what pain is.
0(0.0%)
It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
8(12.3%)
Yes it will, Precious, yes it will get the hose!
5(7.7%)
DON'T YOU MAKE ME HURT YOUR DOG.
2(3.1%)
Laura, do you need to talk to someone? Professionally?
8(12.3%)
Also, on topic: I will be happy to read those on Friday and am not filled with anger about the delay.
5(7.7%)
I am, however, filled with bees.
7(10.8%)
By bees I mean French fries.
12(18.5%)
I would like to state that I am livid and demand you post on Thursday morning after staying up all night writing.
0(0.0%)
My mother told me that everything I do is perfect and I can have the big piece of chicken.
6(9.2%)
Which is why I want everything NOW.
1(1.5%)
Also, my name is Veruca Salt.
3(4.6%)
SERIOUSLY. LAURA. Do you need to talk to someone in a therapeutic setting?
8(12.3%)

How many for Glen Coco?

One
4(14.8%)
Two
3(11.1%)
Three
4(14.8%)
Four
16(59.3%)


I promise I'm not legitimately going crazy. It just looks like that on the outside.

NOW IF I MAY ADDRESS THE TEEN WOLF FANDOM:


  • Stiles Stilinski's official birthday is April 8, which is shortly after Lydia's. Which means that by the end of S2 he either was about to have his 17th b-day, or had already had it. HE IS NO LONGER 16. Fun fact, he is older than Jackson by 2 months, and Scott by almost five months.

  • Camaros are not a sign of wealth. They are a sign of a working guy that wants an expensive sports car but got a Camaro instead.

  • There is no E in the word CAMARO.

  • If precome were enough, dudes all over wouldn't have bottles of lotion by their beds. [Also, what the hell is the deal with precome in this fandom?] Remember back in the fic days when it was a pearlescent drop and not a "rush" or a "mess of liquid?" Lol.

  • Stiles' Jeep is most likely a CJ7 from the '80s/early '90s. (Also known as the "Renegade" model, but that would be plastered on Stiles' hood if it were that particular kit.)

  • That style (the 2 door) has a low-back bench seat called a "fold and tumble" OR two "jump seats" that are affixed to the side walls. I'm pretty sure it's the bench, given the shots from S1, but production-wise, I bet they wished they opted for the jump seats to make more room for equipment.

  • The bench folds flat. Also, there's plenty of room in the back (the Jeep has two independently affixed captain-style chairs up front and there's no console in between) for long legs to stretch out. It's like sitting in a chair and there's TONS of leg room. Hint. I MEAN IT IS A FOLD AND TUMBLE, the name says what they can do! :D

  • There is no room in a Camaro for two full grown men that are 6 feet tall and with broad shoulders to get busy in the back seat. They probably couldn't in the front seat. Hand jobs? Probably. Not much more room for anything beyond some dry humping and hands in pants, honestly. They're designed to resemble a cockpit where everything wraps around the driver, and that doesn't mean a Stilinski.



brought to you by a person that has been reading a LOT of fanfic lately. :) (And as always, the things I love I bookmark on AO3.) One day I'll make an official recs list, because there are SO MANY AMAZING fics on Tumblr only.

Okay, I have to cross more things off my To Do list. WHY ISN'T LIFE ALL FRENCH FRIES AND BEACH PARTIES, WHY.

Comments

( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
flaming_muse
Feb. 14th, 2013 06:52 pm (UTC)
Why you gotta harsh the love for self-lubricating penises and fold-down beds in the backs of CamEros? Dude, if you spell it with an E it ends with the word for love, and that's why there's so much room back there for the slippery, drippy sexy times!
stoney321
Feb. 14th, 2013 06:59 pm (UTC)
I am the worst, clearly, and I should be put down like a rabid dog. I RUIN ALL THE FUN. E = excitement and ecstasy and everlasting gobstoppers and Eorgasms.

AND I READ DROOLING AND WEEPING A LOT AND I DON'T WANT TO READ THOSE EVER. (Or feed. Gah.)
brunettepet
Feb. 14th, 2013 07:25 pm (UTC)
Cake and Chicken in the poll? I think you're as hungry as I am!

Also, Happy Valentine's Day!

Edited at 2013-02-14 07:37 pm (UTC)
stoney321
Feb. 14th, 2013 08:21 pm (UTC)
I was just settling down for lunch when I wrote up the poll, ha!

Happy Valentine's Day to YOU, TOO!! <3
ladycyndra
Feb. 14th, 2013 07:36 pm (UTC)
Your FACE! Also bees and fries! Or something!
stoney321
Feb. 14th, 2013 08:21 pm (UTC)
FRIES ARE ALWAYS THE ANSWER!! <3
lycomingst
Feb. 14th, 2013 07:55 pm (UTC)
French fries. I wish!
stoney321
Feb. 14th, 2013 08:21 pm (UTC)
HEY GUESS WHAT I HAD FOR LUNCH? *pats belly*
fabrisse
Feb. 14th, 2013 08:14 pm (UTC)
Really? An "E" in "Camaro"? Ahh. Fandom quirks.
stoney321
Feb. 14th, 2013 08:21 pm (UTC)
I see it ALL the time. Oy!
dovil
Feb. 14th, 2013 08:19 pm (UTC)
There is nothing sexier than a penis awash with gushing pre-cum, am I right Ladies? Ahahaha. Foreplay AND you can water blast the windows clean.

I've been reading BBC Sherlock fic and it's bad brit speak and tea.

Also: drive-by huuuuuugs!
stoney321
Feb. 14th, 2013 08:23 pm (UTC)
I'm waiting for the fic where the thoughtful dude slips a "morning after" pill in his foreskin. "YOU SAID YOU WANTED THOUGHTFUL AND EXPLICIT PREPARATION IN YOUR PROMPT."

Tea and lots of "Aha ha, good Sir, I say! Rather! Good show! *diddles the Master*" Shit, let's not kid ourselves. I'd read it.

Drive by fingering!! <-- I mean that I'm waggling them. In your lady bucket.
dovil
Feb. 14th, 2013 08:37 pm (UTC)
Drive by fingering!! <-- I mean that I'm waggling them. In your lady bucket.


LOL! I just spat everywhere! And not from my mouth.

It's all 'You bloody shagging git' and I cry a little bit inside. Jesus, has the BBC not taught anyone anything, ahaha. You would HATE it, half the fics have one of the characters as asexual and you're lucky to get a kiss. I think I've read ONE fic that was NC-17 and it was so horrendous that my vagina healed up and my ovaries crawled into my lower intestine to hide. You're all pre-cum and implausable car shagging, I'm all G rated hand holding. This world we live in. BURN IT ALL!

After three fandoms I've come up with a theory, that there are GSG or Generic Slash Guys that pop up in every fandom, where they'll never sound or act anything like the characters they're meant to potray, but there will be Declarations of True Love and an orifice that gets porked. My theory is backed up by science, but mostly cake.

stoney321
Feb. 14th, 2013 08:54 pm (UTC)
In America we say you "shit" everywhere. We don't spit from our butts. Just our mouths. (Our lady mouths. *points to groin*)

I DO NOT GET THE TREND OF ASEXUAL CHARACTERS IN FANFIC RATED MATURE. I look for the naughty settings because I want to read NAUGHTY THINGS. Bah. (There are so many "Mature" fics where it's dry humping and I want to tell the 14 year olds to slut it up a bit and THEN write me porn, GOD.)

Your theory is 100% accurate and true, because these hips don't lie.
jenbooks
Feb. 14th, 2013 11:25 pm (UTC)
I had to google Glen Coco. Do you still love me?
stoney321
Feb. 14th, 2013 11:37 pm (UTC)
As long as you commit that movie to memory in the near future, THEN YES. :D

<3
jenbooks
Feb. 15th, 2013 01:20 am (UTC)
Yes, Miss Stoney!!!! :D
zyrya
Feb. 15th, 2013 01:31 am (UTC)
If it weren't for HDJM I wouldn't even know there is a Teen Wolf, because it hasn't started here yet, so your site is all ejumacational, yo!

I love your Weeping Cocks crusade. (*barf*) I love that you know so much about having sex in a Camaro. I love you! (*smooooch*)
stoney321
Feb. 15th, 2013 01:55 pm (UTC)
Teen Wolf is such a flipping delight, I can't even begin. It's just silly goodness, and the fandom - where I play, at least - is all creativity and humor all the time. <3

WEEPING. Why? WHYYYYYYYY? (Otherwise, the stories would be GREAT.)

Is it wrong that I preened over knowing as much as I do about sex in cars? IS IT? And I love you, too!! *hugs you tight*
lynnenne
Feb. 15th, 2013 03:40 am (UTC)
I don't even watch Southland and yet I want to take this poll. YOUR MOM IS RIDICULOUS.
stoney321
Feb. 15th, 2013 01:55 pm (UTC)
YOU SHOULD TAKE THE POLL. Nothing is stopping you! And then take the pole. HEY NOW.

My mom IS ridiculous, that is a legal fact! Lol. [This is your special icon, by the way.]
lynnenne
Feb. 16th, 2013 12:49 am (UTC)
*HUGGLES ICON TO CHEST*
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Feb. 15th, 2013 01:57 pm (UTC)
Hurray for VD in my V! Wait...

I LOVE TEEN WOLF. I HATED LAST NIGHT'S GLEE WITH A FIERY PASSION. I'm sorry, I know I'm on the outs there (I'm being defriended left and right as a result.) but I have NO IDEA who that Kurt was, and how the hell Mr. "You Matter" and BLaine breaking his heart led to casual sex in BROAD DAYLIGHT when Kurt is very much against PDAs.

WHAT.
(Deleted comment)
stoney321
Feb. 15th, 2013 03:11 pm (UTC)
*holds you close*

I JUST... I

O_O
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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Are You Actually

Reading this? I'm just curious. Because that's really detail-oriented of you. Feel free to stop reading. But you can see that there's more here, so are you going to keep reading? Really? That's pretty dedicated. I'm impressed. No, really. I'm not being sarcastic, why do you get like that? See, this is the problem I have with your mother - yes. YES. I'm going there. It's time we put all of our cards on the table.

I love you, why are you doing this? After all we've been through? You don't have to be like this. You know, still reading. You could be baking a pie. And then sharing it with me.

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